FacebookTwitterRedditEmail

Yo Democrats! Wake Up!

Hey you! Tom Daschle. WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’ve been taking Tylenol PM again haven’t you? I knew it. I told you that stuff makes you groggy. Get your punk ass out of bed and get back to work. And this time don’t forget to dust off your balls, you piece of crap.

What are you laughing at Nancy Pelosi? You suck too. Big time. You call yourself a whip? You should take that whip and hang yourself. I’m sorry. Did you say something Dick Gephardt? You didn’t? Gee, I’m not surprised.

You gutless, spineless, brain-dead, paralyzed, sorry excuses for human beings, don’t you know that Bush, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and his assistant, that gnome Paul Wolfowitz, are trying to take over the world? You think that by ignoring them they’re just going to go away?

What was that Carl Levin? Aliens abducted you? What’s your excuse Russ Feingold? How about you Joe Biden? Oh for crying out loud. He peed his pants again. Biden, how many times do I have to tell you that I am not President Bush? Helloooooooooo Barbara Boxer? Are you with me? Would somebody tap that cow on the shoulder and make sure she’s still alive. Jeez.

This is serious you pussies. I’ve spoken to your families. Your kids hate you, your parents have disowned you, your spouses refuse to make love to you and almost everyone in America wants to stone the Democratic party to death, cut off all of your heads and hang it off the rear view mirror of their SUV’s.

No more screwing around. Listen up! I want all of you to rent the movie Rocky and watch it over and over again until you understand what self-respect is. When you finally get some, use it to stand up to these madmen.

We, the civilized people of planet earth, can’t take it anymore. We’re losing our civil liberties, our jobs, our French fries for god sakes. Unfortunately, our only hope is you idiots.

You’ve got one last chance to make things right. Right now it’s the bottom of the ninth, bases are loaded and you’re up. Remember the ’69 Mets? They were losers, underdogs, just like all of you. But out of nowhere they won the World Series. You know why they won? They had heart. You get my point? You don’t? Well let me try and explain it to you in a language you can understand.

Bush Republican. Republican bad. You Democrat. Democrat need pulse and heartbeat to hurt Republican so Republican stop being bad.

You’ve all been acting like the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz for too long, except for you Daschle, you’re like the Scarecrow, and you need a brain.

Bottom line: if you don’t stand up for our rights now and start demanding answers from this administration about Iraq and 9-11, we’re going to cream you. Capisce?

JASON LEOPOLD can be reached at: jasonleopold@hotmail.com

 

More articles by:

JASON LEOPOLD is the former Los Angeles bureau chief of Dow Jones Newswires where he spent two years covering the energy crisis and the Enron bankruptcy. He just finished writing a book about the crisis, due out in December through Rowman & Littlefield. He can be reached at: jasonleopold@hotmail.com

March 25, 2019
Dave Lindorff
The TSA’s Role as Journalist Harasser and Media ‘Watchdog’
Tanya Golash-Boza – Michael Golash
Epifanio Camacho: a Militant Farmworker Brushed Out of History
Robert Fisk
Don’t Believe the Hype: Here’s Why ISIS Hasn’t Been Defeated
Jack Rasmus
The Capitulation of Jerome Powell and the Fed
Lawrence Davidson
Israel’s Moves to the Right
John Feffer
After Trump
James Ridgeway
Good Agent, Bad Agent: Robert Mueller and 9/11
Dean Baker
The Importance of Kicking Up: Changing Market Structures So the Rich Don’t Get All the Money
Lawrence Wittner
What Democratic Socialism Is and Is Not
Thomas Knapp
Suppressing Discussion Doesn’t Solve the Problem. It is the Problem.
Stephen Cooper
“I’m a Nine-Star General Now”: an Interview with Black Uhuru’s Duckie Simpson
Andrew Moss
Immigration and the Democratic Hopefuls
Weekend Edition
March 22, 2019
Friday - Sunday
Henry Giroux
The Ghost of Fascism in the Post-Truth Era
Gabriel Rockhill
Spectacular Violence as a Weapon of War Against the Yellow Vests
H. Bruce Franklin
Trump vs. McCain: an American Horror Story
Paul Street
A Pox on the Houses of Trump and McCain, Huxleyan Media, and the Myth of “The Vietnam War”
Andrew Levine
Why Not Impeach?
Bruce E. Levine
Right-Wing Psychiatry, Love-Me Liberals and the Anti-Authoritarian Left
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Darn That (American) Dream
Charles Pierson
Rick Perry, the Saudis and a Dangerous Nuclear Deal
Moshe Adler
American Workers Should Want to Transfer Technology to China
David Rosen
Trafficking or Commercial Sex? What Recent Exposés Reveal
Nick Pemberton
The Real Parallels Between Donald Trump and George Orwell
Binoy Kampmark
Reading Manifestos: Restricting Brenton Tarrant’s The Great Replacement
Brian Cloughley
NATO’s Expensive Anniversaries
Ron Jacobs
Donald Cox: Tale of a Panther
Joseph Grosso
New York’s Hudson Yards: The Revanchist City Lives On
REZA FIYOUZAT
Is It Really So Shocking?
Bob Lord
There’s Plenty of Wealth to Go Around, But It Doesn’t
John W. Whitehead
The Growing Epidemic of Cops Shooting Family Dogs
Jeff Cohen
Let’s Not Restore or Mythologize Obama 
Christy Rodgers
Achieving Escape Velocity
Monika Zgustova
The Masculinity of the Future
Jessicah Pierre
The Real College Admissions Scandal
Peter Mayo
US Higher Education Influence Takes a Different Turn
Martha Rosenberg
New Study Confirms That Eggs are a Stroke in a Shell
Ted Rall
The Greatest Projects I Never Mad
George Wuerthner
Saving the Big Wild: Why Aren’t More Conservationists Supporting NREPA?
Norman Solomon
Reinventing Beto: How a GOP Accessory Became a Top Democratic Contender for President
Ralph Nader
Greedy Boeing’s Avoidable Design and Software Time Bombs
Tracey L. Rogers
White Supremacy is a Global Threat
Nyla Ali Khan
Intersectionalities of Gender and Politics in Indian-Administered Kashmir
Karen J. Greenberg
Citizenship in the Age of Trump: Death by a Thousand Cuts
Jill Richardson
Getting It Right on What Stuff Costs
Matthew Stevenson
Pacific Odyssey: Puddle Jumping in New Britain
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail