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Introducing, the Coalition of the Willing

 

Here they are, the Coalition of the Willing, courtesy of Colin Powell and your friends at the White House. This is the entire State Department list of the so-called “cCoalition of the Willing” , those countries that are allegedly backing our pre-emptive war on Iraq. Let’s take a look at who’s with us:

Afghanistan–Well, they should be a big help. Aren’t we still trying to help them create an army?

Albania — Um, okay.

Australia — Just promised to send over 2000 troops. Thanks mates!

Azerbaijan–Takes one dictatorship to know another.

Bulgaria — Our ace in the hole on the security council, but they are so important to the campaign that our plucky commander-in-chief forgot to invite them to the Azores.

Colombia — Taking time out from the war on drugs to take out Saddam. Maybe they’ll ship some of those defoliant-spraying helicopters we’ve provided them with over to the Gulf to help clear away all that messy swamp grass lying between the Tigris and the Euphrates.

Czech Republic — Let’s see Mr. Havel–Mister Peace–explain this one!

Denmark — To be or not to be part of an independent Europe, that is the question.

El Salvador –This act of solidarity must be in gratitude for America’s staunch defense of democracy there over the years.

Eritrea — I guess they’re glad to see the weapons flying anywhere outside their own benighted land.

Estonia — Russia’s against the war, so they’re for it.

Ethiopia — Maybe the U.S. will reward them with some sacks of surplus grain.

Georgia — Shevrednadze’s bid for recognition as still being globally significant.

Hungary — Count the troops being provided. One, do I hear one?

Italy — Well, let’s say Berlusconi. After deducting all the Italians who have demonstrated against this war, and removing the Vatican, he’s about the only one left supporting Bush’s war in the entire country.

Japan — Anxious to move the focus of guns and bombs away from the Korean peninsula. While Japan is not providing any troops for battle, the State Department points out they are willing to help out with the post-war clean-up. After Hiroshima and Nagasaki, they’re good at that kind of thing.

South Korea — see Japan above. Also Eritrea.

Latvia — see Estonia

Lithuania — ditto

Macedonia — This is a big hard to fathom, but I’m sure they’ll make an important contribution to the war effort.

The Netherlands — seeking relevance before global warming renders the entire country irrelevant

Nicaragua — see El Salvador

the Philippines — Hoping to keep American troops busy, so they won’t pile into Mindinao, ignoring Filipine government statements, and start mixing it up with Islamic rebels.

Poland — Needs a diversion from economic disaster at home.

Romania — see Poland, only more so. Don’t expect to see a Romanian battalion marching towards Baghdad. The government’s having trouble rustling up boots for them to wear.

Slovakia — Hey, State Department dudes! Didn’t this country change its name a while back. to Slovak Republic? Shouldn’t we get our allies’ names correct? Oh well, no matter. Whatever they’re called, they’re on board.

Spain — See Italy. With only 14 percent popular support for the U.S. war, this is really just the governing elite. There’s nobody willing to shoulder a gun and join the Brits and the Americans in battle.

Turkey — Excuse me? This is one of our partners in the Coalition of the

Willing? Didn’t their parliament just stick it to us and say they weren’t going to play? Sort of makes you wonder about some of the others being listed as allies. With friends like these…

United Kingdom — Okay, this one’s for real at least. Though with 80 percent of the British public against war, Tony Blair may not be with us for long.

Uzbekistan –And thank goodness for that!

Dave Lindorff is the author of Killing Time: an Investigation into the Death Row Case of Mumia Abu-Jamal. A collection of Lindorff’s stories can be found here: http://www.nwuphilly.org/dave.html

 

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Dave Lindorff is a founding member of ThisCantBeHappening!, an online newspaper collective, and is a contributor to Hopeless: Barack Obama and the Politics of Illusion (AK Press).

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