FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Protesting Peace (for a Price) at Berkeley

Conservatives rallied on the historically liberal UC Berkeley campus today in what was their largest showing in Berkeley’s history. Two of the participants expressed surprise that a third protester had shown up. “This is unprecedented”, one of the protesters exclaimed. “Yes, sir, it is”, the other replied, while wondering if they could get extra credit from the Haas School of Business for selling the rights to the event.

Their neatly painted signs read: “Rush Limbaugh is NOT a big fat idiot” and “Corporate Exploitation is Good for Us!”. On another sign, where one could see a faint “I’d rather be golfing” that had been whited out, it read: “Free Markets for Thee, Not for Me”. Trying to elaborate on his message, he explained that “We demand a Billionaire’s Bill of Rights”, continuing that “billionaires are people too”, though he quietly added that “we’re not altogether sure about that geeky Bill Gates guy.” Asked what he would do if his demand wasn’t met, he dismissively declared that he’d just “buy a damn Bill of Rights”.

In a moment of fear, it could have turned into a melee when four liberals walked near the conservative protesters. The liberal students, however, were merely supporting their fellow students’ rights to free speech. Soon realizing that they were embarrassing, but “not intimidating”, the conservative protesters as one of the protesters squeakily put it, by accidentally outnumbering them, the liberal students went back to their game of hackey sack.

“It’s made of organic hemp”, they assured me.

“I’m shocked”, said one of the few onlookers who actually noticed the three protesters.

“I’ve never seen so many conservatives in Berkeley either not selling something or trying to exploit someone. It’s really weird!” A professor of political science, who asked to remain anonymous, applauded the ideological diversity on campus, but also wondered if the protesters were all really students, or rather paid agents. We later discovered, after contents of a contract were leaked to the press, that they were indeed both.

After rallying for almost ten whole minutes, the protesters, now back down to two, decided to do something more productive and instead went for a tax-deductible lunch of meat and potatoes at a nearby expensive restaurant.

They vowed to be back on campus again. For the right price.

DAN BROOK is a part-time instructor in UC Berkeley’s sociology department and can be reached at Brook@california.com. His ThinkLinks can be found at www.brook.com/cyberbrook.

 

More articles by:
September 20, 2018
Michael Hudson
Wasting the Lehman Crisis: What Was Not Saved Was the Economy
John Pilger
Hold the Front Page, the Reporters are Missing
Kenn Orphan
The Power of Language in the Anthropocene
Paul Cox – Stan Cox
Puerto Rico’s Unnatural Disaster Rolls on Into Year Two
Rajan Menon
Yemen’s Descent Into Hell: a Saudi-American War of Terror
Russell Mokhiber
Nick Brana Says Dems Will Again Deny Sanders Presidential Nomination
Nicholas Levis
Three Lessons of Occupy Wall Street, With a Fair Dose of Memory
Steve Martinot
The Constitutionality of Homeless Encampments
Kevin Zeese - Margaret Flowers
The Aftershocks of the Economic Collapse Are Still Being Felt
Jesse Jackson
By Enforcing Climate Change Denial, Trump Puts Us All in Peril
George Wuerthner
Coyote Killing is Counter Productive
Mel Gurtov
On Dealing with China
Dean Baker
How to Reduce Corruption in Medicine: Remove the Money
September 19, 2018
Bruce E. Levine
When Bernie Sold Out His Hero, Anti-Authoritarians Paid
Lawrence Davidson
Political Fragmentation on the Homefront
George Ochenski
How’s That “Chinese Hoax” Treating You, Mr. President?
Cesar Chelala
The Afghan Morass
Chris Wright
Three Cheers for the Decline of the Middle Class
Howard Lisnoff
The Beat Goes On Against Protest in Saudi Arabia
Nomi Prins 
The Donald in Wonderland: Down the Financial Rabbit Hole With Trump
Jack Rasmus
On the 10th Anniversary of Lehman Brothers 2008: Can ‘IT’ Happen Again?
Richard Schuberth
Make Them Suffer Too
Geoff Beckman
Kavanaugh in Extremis
Jonathan Engel
Rather Than Mining in Irreplaceable Wilderness, Why Can’t We Mine Landfills?
Binoy Kampmark
Needled Strawberries: Food Terrorism Down Under
Michael McCaffrey
A Curious Case of Mysterious Attacks, Microwave Weapons and Media Manipulation
Elliot Sperber
Eating the Constitution
September 18, 2018
Conn Hallinan
Britain: the Anti-Semitism Debate
Tamara Pearson
Why Mexico’s Next President is No Friend of Migrants
Richard Moser
Both the Commune and Revolution
Nick Pemberton
Serena 15, Tennis Love
Binoy Kampmark
Inconvenient Realities: Climate Change and the South Pacific
Martin Billheimer
La Grand’Route: Waiting for the Bus
John Kendall Hawkins
Seymour Hersh: a Life of Adversarial Democracy at Work
Faisal Khan
Is Israel a Democracy?
John Feffer
The GOP Wants Trumpism…Without Trump
Kim Ives
The Roots of Haiti’s Movement for PetroCaribe Transparency
Dave Lindorff
We Already Have a Fake Billionaire President; Why Would We want a Real One Running in 2020?
Gerry Brown
Is China Springing Debt Traps or Throwing a Lifeline to Countries in Distress?
Pete Tucker
The Washington Post Really Wants to Stop Ben Jealous
Dean Baker
Getting It Wrong Again: Consumer Spending and the Great Recession
September 17, 2018
Melvin Goodman
What is to be Done?
Rob Urie
American Fascism
Patrick Cockburn
The Adults in the White House Trying to Save the US From Trump Are Just as Dangerous as He Is
Jeffrey St. Clair - Alexander Cockburn
The Long Fall of Bob Woodward: From Nixon’s Nemesis to Cheney’s Savior
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail