FacebookTwitterRedditEmail

A Good Man is Hard to Misfit

Used to call me the Misfit cause I couldn’t do nothin’ right–least not in this world. Now they call me “Mr. President,” jest like Paw said they would. My brother Jeb, he said, “Daddy got you a job is all. It jest happens to be a real big ‘un.”

Yeah, I reckon so. But hell. Ain’t like I weren’t civilized and socialized as a young ‘un. I got my schoolin’ done and then my higher learnin’–Yale, Harvard–and you can be sure I raised holy hell a-ruttin’ and a-hollerin’ and a-drinkin’ so hard it’s a wonder I learned me anything a’tall.

But I growed up, some–the hard way. I flied me a plane clear ‘cross Texas durin’ the War ‘gainst the Indian Chinese. Tore into the cold earth for liquid gold–lucre is all; the black blood of Mammon that lubricationizes this sorry vale of tears. Even run me a baseball team. Quit drinkin’ too. A-yup. No thanks to them alchee-holic 2-steppers and their K-Mart religion: meetin’ secretly in dank basements every blessed afternoon a-whinin’ and a-cryin and a-kickin’ and a-screamin’ up every damn one of them god awful 12 steps. No sir. Not me. I answer to a much Higher Power…

I been saved–twicet. I been reborn. I remember the good Rev. Jimmy Swaggert–before he becomed a blubberin’ whoremonger–I remember him preachin’–on nation’l TV he preached–about them atheists and communists at the Harvard Divinity school, or mighta been the Harvard school of Guvment, same thing I reckon, he preached, “When we die, you can go to Harvard. Me, I wanna go to Heaven.” And it damn near brought the house down. Not a house of God directly, more a stadium like. But I felt the good word touch me even through the color TV box.

I got the callin.’ Look in my eyes, you’ll see. I got the callin.’ I see it, I see it all: Fire and Redemption, even for the Jews. Oh yes. Oh yes siree. Why, I got me a whole kitchen full-a Jews. Wolfowitz, aptly named I might say, and Perle, a man even the meanest, low-downest, orneriest killers at the Pentagon calls “the Prince-a Darkness” (and they ain’t far off the mark). Even got me that Ari Fishbaum speakin’ in tongues to the liberal communist Media. Think that was a accident?

Some folks, usually furriners and leftist intersexuals and A-rab terrorists and such, they think I take “orders” from fat ol’ Ariel Sharon. Huh. No more’n he takes “orders” from Pat Robertson, or gives ’em to Jerry Falwell. We’re all in this together. Yer with us or agin’ us, like I been sayin’ all along. Well, least since them World Train Towers got blowed up in New York City–and it weren’t me what called it “Hymie Town,” neither. Ask yer fancy-talkin’ adulterizin’ colored feller ’bout that ‘un.

When the Evil among us is destroyed, when the Rapture comes, them Jew-boys–gathered in Israel every last one of ’em by then; least that’s what’s written in The Book, and I ain’t talkin’ bout no egghead scholar book or the Baseball Encyclopedia neither; I’m talking bout the one true only book that matters–anyways, them Jew-boys’ll see the wickedness of their ways and fall a-weepin’ to the feet of Our Savior and beg His forgiveness and rise to Heaven with the rest of us Believers. And they won’t be ‘restricted’ when they get there. No. They’ll be treated jest as fine as if they was reglar baptized Christians.

There’re good Jews, I tell you. From Ari to Ariel, I only keep company with good Jews, the ones what’ll see the light when it shines upon them. It will–once we gather all the Jews, both good and bad, in the Holy Land, which might take some work, specially flushin’ ’em from cosmiccomican areas like Los Angelees and NYC, but Ariel Sharon and them AIPAC fellers,’ they’re studyin’ on it. They’ll find the way…

Ronnie Reagan, he knew what was comin.’ He saw the Apocalypse and prepared for it with the correct military hardware to put the communists and other evil ones to flame; trouble was, the folks around him, Georgie Schultz, Jeanne Kirkpatrick, James Baker III, Bill Casey, even my own Paw, they was more innerested in hedge-a-money in this life than heaven in the next. Now, I’m sure Ronnie had nothing ‘gainst hedge-a-money if it was gonna help bring on the reign of Heaven, but hedge-a-money for its own sake, for love-a nuthin’ more’n Riches n’ Power in this wicked world…that just don’t figure. Not to Ronnie, not to me.

My Pappy’s a good man, and when The Lord comes, I know Pappy’ll jump like a lamb into His arms; but he saw that hedge-a-money as a good thing in itself, not as a step toward Heaven, and that kinda thinking don’t make no sense to me, no sense a’tall.

Well, that don’t matter no how. There’s work to be done, and we’re a-goin’ do it. We got the firepower and we got the faith. Light all them heathens up like Roman candles, smoke ’em outta their holes, burn ’em, burn ’em all, like The Book says. My Paw told me it was Our Destiny, America’s Destiny, to do the work of the Lord. Well, that’s directly what we’re goin’ do.

Yeah. I know what yer thinkin’. I don’t like it any more than you do. I got nuthin agin’ the Iraqi people, personally. But it’s gotta be done –

“What Fun!”

“Shut up, Donald. Ain’t no enjoyment in this life.”

You’ll have to excuse the impermanence of my assistant, interjectifying like that in the middle of my…obsequy. “Rummy” didn’t mean no harm by it, I reckon. Rudeness is all. Rudeness and ign’rance. You see, Rummy don’t unnerstand that Saddam, like most fellers, Ossama too, would be a GOOD MAN if, if only he had…if only he had someone there to shoot him every day of his life.

ADAM ENGEL lives and writes in NYC. He can be reached at asengel@attglobal.net

 

More articles by:

Adam Engel is editor of bluddlefilth.org. Submit your soul to bluddlefilth@yahoo.com. Human units, both foreign and domestic, are encouraged to send text, video, graphic, and audio art(ifacts), so long as they’re bluddlefilthy and from The Depths.

bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550

April 23, 2019
Peter Belmont
The Monroe Doctrine is Back, and as the Latest US Attack on Cuba Shows, Its Purpose is to Serve the Neoliberal Order
David Schultz
The Mueller Report: Trump Too Inept to Obstruct Justice
Geoff Beckman
Crazy Uncle Joe and the Can’t We All Just Get Along Democrats
Medea Benjamin
Activists Protect DC Venezuelan Embassy from US-supported Coup
Patrick Cockburn
What Revolutionaries in the Middle East Have Learned Since the Arab Spring
Jim Goodman
Don’t Fall for the Hype of Free Trade Agreements
Lance Olsen
Climate and Forests: Land Managers Must Adapt, and Conservationists, Too
William Minter
The Coming Ebola Epidemic
Tony McKenna
Stephen King’s IT: a 2019 Retrospective
David Swanson
Pentagon Claims 1,100 High Schools Bar Recruiters; Peace Activists Offer $1,000 Award If Any Such School Can Be Found
Gary Olson
A Few Comments on the recent PBS Series: Reconstruction: America After the Civil War
April 22, 2019
Melvin Goodman
The NYTs Tries to Rehabilitate Bloody Gina Haspel
Robert Fisk
After ISIS, a Divided Iraq, Wounded and Grief-Stricken
Binoy Kampmark
Julian Assange as Neuroses
John Laforge
Chernobyl’s Deadly Effects Estimates Vary
Kenneth Surin
Mueller Time? Not for Now
Cesar Chelala
Yemen: The Triumph of Barbarism
Kerron Ó Luain
What the “White Irish Slaves” Meme Tells Us About Identity Politics
Andy Piascik
Grocery Store Workers Take on Billion Dollar Multinational
Seiji Yamada – Gregory G. Maskarinec
Health as a Human Right: No Migrants Need Apply
Howard Lisnoff
Loose Bullets and Loose Cannons
Ricardo Alarcón de Quesada
Dreaming in Miami
Graham Peebles
Consuming Stuff: The Polluting World of Fashion
Robert Dodge
Earth Day: Our Planet in Peril
Weekend Edition
April 19, 2019
Friday - Sunday
Andrew Levine
What Will It Take For Trump to Get His Due?
Roy Eidelson
Is the American Psychological Association Addicted to Militarism and War?
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Time is Blind, Man is Stupid
Joshua Frank
Top 20 Mueller Report “Findings”
Rob Urie
Why Russiagate Will Never Go Away
Paul Street
Stephen Moore Gets Something Right: It’s Capitalism vs. Democracy
Russell Mokhiber
Why Boeing and Its Executives Should be Prosecuted for Manslaughter
T.J. Coles
The Battle for Latin America: How the U.S. Helped Destroy the “Pink Tide”
Ron Jacobs
Ho Chi Minh City: Nguyen Thai Binh Street
Dean Baker
Fun Fictions in Economics
David Rosen
Trump’s One-Dimensional Gender Identity
Kenn Orphan
Notre Dame: We Have Always Belonged to Her
Robert Hunziker
The Blue Ocean Event and Collapsing Ecosystems
Theodore C. Van Alst, Jr.
Paddy Wagon
Brett Wilkins
Jimmy Carter: US ‘Most Warlike Nation in History of the World’
John W. Whitehead
From Jesus Christ to Julian Assange: When Dissidents Become Enemies of the State
Nick Pemberton
To Never Forget or Never Remember
Stephen Cooper
My Unforgettable College Stabbings
Louis Proyect
A Leftist Rejoinder to the “Capitalist Miracle”
Louisa Willcox
Aldo Leopold’s Land Ethic and the Need for a New Approach to Managing Wildlife
Brian Cloughley
Britain Shakes a Futile Fist and Germany Behaves Sensibly
FacebookTwitterRedditEmail