FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Let Wag the Dogs of War or No Peace at Any price

Here’s a chilling thought: what if we don’t go to war with Iraq? I know, that’s the kind of crazy pessimistic talk that causes people to drink snifters of benzene. But we need to at least consider the idea, if only from a distance, poking it with sticks to see if it will explode. Surely there’s no chance, you say. After all we’re already at war, in an informal kind of way, slipping into it gradually like a hot bath. We’ve bombed Iraq thirty-odd times this year, and with some countries, you bomb them even once and they would call it war, even if you were just fooling. This war could even be considered a resumption of hostilities from the last war. We never did finish that one, but left it lying around like one of those model airplane kits that turns out to be too difficult to build, but which is too expensive to just throw away. Or maybe the intervening decade was just an intermission. But the various appurtenances of a proper war, such as a rationale, a strategy, or an opponent, just haven’t materialized. There’s a fighting chance this war is not going to happen.

Only days ago, the odds of this exigency eventuating were at a neap. But now Iraq is willing, almost eager, panting slightly with lips moistly parted, to allow weapons inspectors to have their way with her– and the UN says it can have inspectors over there in a couple of weeks, complete with snazzy mission patches and logo hats. That justification for war is gone, and it was pretty much the only one left, unless we include George W. Bush, Jr.’s plaint that Saddam Hussein intended trucidation on his old man. As I recall George Sr. was also trying to kill Saddam right back, and the war took place much closer to Saddam’s digs than the Bush stronghold in Washington, DC, so this isn’t a great excuse. All the other reasons, like indisputable proof of the hypothetical possibility that Iraq could someday possess weapons of mass destruction if it was given some as a holiday gift, have evaporated. So unless we proceed to war on the basis that Saddam is a spoilsport, America is out of ratiocinations.

An optimist might suggest we could have a war anyway if, for instance, Iraq were to shoot down one of our bombers by mistake. We’ve been flying awfully close to Baghdad lately, and you know how these things happen, especially when the enemy army is mostly teenagers. You think they’re careless with automobiles, see what they do with an anti-aircraft battery! Then we could have one of those retaliatory wars like after the Vietnamese almost attacked us in the Gulf of Tonkin and we put the kibosh on their godless Commie selves. But what if the unthinkable happens, and we can’t even fake a reason for going to war? Then what? Damn your eyes, think! If we don’t come up with something, this entire nation could wake up to the ruin of the domestic economy, the destruction of our environment, our freedoms, and our futures , and then people would get really, really bummed out and be freakin on badness.

In this case the Republicans would probably lose by a landslide, which would mean savage retaliation by the White House and possibly the death of American Democracy as we know it (again). Without this war, the GOP is doomed, and that’s a nightmare waiting to happen- just ask the Supreme Court. What, then, are the options? We can’t just not have a war. Here are my suggestions, humble as they may be (unlike myself), to avert this fatal war-free collision with reality:

1. Start a war with some other country. The “Axis of Evil” includes Iraq, North Korea, Iran, and Drugs, as I recall. Iran is right next door to Iraq. We could use the same amassed troops we amassed over there, en masse. And Ari Fleischer could claim we never meant “Iraq”, we were always after “Iran”, but there was a typographical error. The names are so similar and all those dune goons look the same.

2. Create a new domestic crisis. Ideally of such immensity that it requires the elections be postponed. This could be as simple as having some out-of-work actor, like the guy who played “Harry” in the “Harry and Louise” anti-universal healthcare ads, dress up as Osama Bin Laden and attack the White House. Maybe Bush could even do a stage fight with him, like Harrison Ford in “Air Force One”. That would be so cool. He could like fight off Bin Laden and knock off his turban, exposing these like green pulsing brains underneath and then he beats the pretzels out of him. Then maybe we wouldn’t even need elections any more, because Bush is like so in charge, why not have him be President forever?

3. Lie about everything. Actually, this tactic is working pretty well, so maybe just stick with it. If “Osama who?” is an acceptable response, how about “Saddam who?” Just claim the Democrats made the whole thing up as a smokescreen to hide their favoritism for Negroes, women, the elderly, and other dangerous fringe elements of society. People will buy pretty much anything these days, why not?

I’m sure there are other approaches, but I can’t think clearly what with all this anxiety, the vodka bong hits, and the Dilaudin. I’ll make it through somehow. But the question is, how will we as a nation make it through? Such lofty American choux pastries as our economy and freedoms have already been devoured from the inside until they’re nothing more than hollow shells; a non-war might shatter the crust. Yet looking on the bright side, isn’t it better not to fight a war, if possible? Won’t a war damage the economy even further, and allow the domestic oppressions to expand, as often happens in such times? After all, without the war or any Republicans in office, maybe we could rebuild our nation. Realistically, what have we got to lose by giving up this ill-considered war with Iraq?

We will lose the most important thing of all, like falling headfirst into an industrial belt sander.

We will lose face.

BEN TRIPP is a screenwriter. He can be reached at: credel@earthlink.net

 

More articles by:
Weekend Edition
June 22, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Karl Grossman
Star Wars Redux: Trump’s Space Force
Andrew Levine
Strange Bedfellows
Jeffrey St. Clair
Intolerable Opinions in an Intolerant Time
Paul Street
None of Us are Free, One of Us is Chained
Edward Curtin
Slow Suicide and the Abandonment of the World
Celina Stien-della Croce
The ‘Soft Coup’ and the Attack on the Brazilian People 
James Bovard
Pro-War Media Deserve Slamming, Not Sainthood
Louisa Willcox
My Friend Margot Kidder: Sharing a Love of Dogs, the Wild, and Speaking Truth to Power
David Rosen
Trump’s War on Sex
Mir Alikhan
Trump, North Korea, and the Death of IR Theory
Christopher Jones
Neoliberalism, Pipelines, and Canadian Political Economy
Barbara Nimri Aziz
Why is Tariq Ramadan Imprisoned?
Robert Fantina
MAGA, Trump Style
Linn Washington Jr.
Justice System Abuses Mothers with No Apologies
Martha Rosenberg
Questions About a Popular Antibiotic Class
Ida Audeh
A Watershed Moment in Palestinian History: Interview with Jamal Juma’
Edward Hunt
The Afghan War is Killing More People Than Ever
Geoff Dutton
Electrocuting Oral Tradition
Don Fitz
When Cuban Polyclinics Were Born
Ramzy Baroud
End the Wars to Halt the Refugee Crisis
Ralph Nader
The Unsurpassed Power trip by an Insuperable Control Freak
Lara Merling
The Pain of Puerto Ricans is a Profit Source for Creditors
James Jordan
Struggle and Defiance at Colombia’s Feast of Pestilence
Tamara Pearson
Indifference to a Hellish World
Kathy Kelly
Hungering for Nuclear Disarmament
Jessicah Pierre
Celebrating the End of Slavery, With One Big Asterisk
Rohullah Naderi
The Ever-Shrinking Space for Hazara Ethnic Group
Binoy Kampmark
Leaving the UN Human Rights Council
Nomi Prins 
How Trump’s Trade Wars Could Lead to a Great Depression
Robert Fisk
Can Former Lebanese MP Mustafa Alloush Turn Even the Coldest of Middle Eastern Sceptics into an Optimist?
Franklin Lamb
Could “Tough Love” Salvage Lebanon?
George Ochenski
Why Wild Horse Island is Still Wild
Ann Garrison
Nikki Haley: Damn the UNHRC and the Rest of You Too
Jonah Raskin
What’s Hippie Food? A Culinary Quest for the Real Deal
Raouf Halaby
Give It Up, Ya Mahmoud
Brian Wakamo
We Subsidize the Wrong Kind of Agriculture
Patrick Higgins
Children in Cages Create Glimmers of the Moral Reserve
Patrick Bobilin
What Does Optimism Look Like Now?
Don Qaswa
A Reduction of Economic Warfare and Bombing Might Help 
Robin Carver
Why We Still Need Pride Parades
Jill Richardson
Immigrant Kids are Suffering From Trauma That Will Last for Years
Thomas Mountain
USA’s “Soft” Coup in Ethiopia?
Jim Hightower
Big Oil’s Man in Foreign Policy
Louis Proyect
Civilization and Its Absence
David Yearsley
Midsummer Music Even the Nazis Couldn’t Stamp Out
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail