FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Bush as the Energizer Bunny

It all figures now.

Once you realize GWB is really the Energizer Bunny, it explains:

– Why he called his political autobiography ‘A Charge to Keep’
– Why the Republicans saw such potential in him
– Why the Supreme Court thought he had the ‘volts’ in Florida
– How he just ‘volted’ to the presidency
– Why the Democrats were so shocked
– Why he’s now so polarizing
– Why he’s so close to the ‘energy bidness’
– Why he approves of the electric chair
– Why so many people think he’s a sot with battery

– Why he’s always so upbeat
– Why his middle name is Walker
– Why his last name is Bush
– Why he’s always running for office
– Why he enjoys sports where people run as fast as they can
– How he can outrun everybody on the jogging trail

– Why he’s so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed
– Why his parents had so many children
– Why the tip of his nose wiggles when he speaks
– Why his ears keep sticking out
– Why he keeps watching replays of Starsky and Hutch
– Why he choked on a pretzel
– Why he never drinks alcohol
– Why he had to bring his own chef from Austin
– Why his daughters are so attracted to anything with hops in it
– Why he zigzags when he’s spooked, as on 9-11
– Why he always tries dangling carrots in front of potential opponents
– Why he clearly prefers rural habitats

– Why he’s such a lightweight
– Why he fluffs most of what he does
– Why he hangs out as much as he can around small children
– Why he has to nap in the afternoon
– Why he can’t stay up late at night
– Why he cannot dance
– Why it’s so easy to get him hopping mad
– Why he can’t count
– Why he’s dyslexic
– Why he mispronounces everything
– Why he begins so many sentences with ‘Lettuce…’
– Why he thinks he can speak ‘Spinach’

– Why he’s had so many jobs that involved drilling holes
– Why he’s run a string of companies into the ground
– Why Dick Cheney disappeared down a hole never to reappear
– Why he’s reactivating every single underground government facility
– Why the Budget and Social Security are now full of holes
– Why he’s in the dark about so many subjects and wants to keep us there, too
– Why he’s so feverishly trying to bury his mistakes
– Why his worst enemy spends most of his time underground

– Why he’s never traveled in a Greyhound
– Why his closest European ally is from the country of fox-hunting
– Why Vincente Fox keeps chasing after him
– Why he believes everything in the Warren Report
– Why he’s so close to the Rabbit Right

– Why he has such an affinity for greenbacks
– Why he ran into trouble in the Iowa straw polls
– Why he carried all the rural states
– Why the rich are now living their salad years
– How the Green Party actually helped him get elected
– Why he’s so big on ‘Lawn order’
– Why he’s always meeting his guests in the Rose Garden
– Why he’s so gung-ho on ‘Star Warrens’
– Why he keeps defiling the White House

– Why he doesn’t understand the ‘Middle Yeast’
– Why Muslims and Jews won’t touch him
– Why he’s uncomfortable with the Chinese
– Why he’ll never, ever, travel to France

– Why he refuses to believe in Evolution
– Why his policies are completely harebrained
– Why he is dead against any form of cloning

– Why, finally, he sincerely believes we can all eat shit.

Phillipe Dambournet can be reached at pdambournet@mac.com

More articles by:

December 11, 2018
Eric Draitser
AFRICOM: A Neocolonial Occupation Force?
Sheldon Richman
War Over Ukraine?
Louis Proyect
Why World War II, Not the New Deal, Ended the Great Depression
Howard Lisnoff
Police Violence and Mass Policing in the U.S.
Mark Ashwill
A “Patriotic” Education Study Abroad Program in Viet Nam: God Bless America, Right or Wrong!
Laura Flanders
HUD Official to Move into Public Housing?
Nino Pagliccia
Resistance is Not Terrorism
Matthew Johnson
See No Evil, See No Good: The Truth Is Not Black and White
Maria Paez Victor
How Reuters Slandered Venezuela’s Social Benefits Card
December 10, 2018
Jacques R. Pauwels
Foreign Interventions in Revolutionary Russia
Richard Klin
The Disasters of War
Katie Fite
Rebranding Bundy
Gary Olson
A Few Thoughts on Politics and Personal Identity
Patrick Cockburn
Brexit Britain’s Crisis of Self-Confidence Will Only End in Tears and Rising Nationalism
Andrew Moss
Undocumented Citizen
Dean Baker
Trump and China: Going With Patent Holders Against Workers
Lawrence Wittner
Reviving the Nuclear Disarmament Movement: a Practical Proposal
Dan Siegel
Thoughts on the 2018 Elections and Beyond
Thomas Knapp
Election 2020: I Can Smell the Dumpster Fires Already
Weekend Edition
December 07, 2018
Friday - Sunday
Steve Hendricks
What If We Just Buy Off Big Fossil Fuel? A Novel Plan to Mitigate the Climate Calamity
Jeffrey St. Clair
Cancer as Weapon: Poppy Bush’s Radioactive War on Iraq
Paul Street
The McCain and Bush Death Tours: Establishment Rituals in How to be a Proper Ruler
Jason Hirthler
Laws of the Jungle: The Free Market and the Continuity of Change
Ajamu Baraka
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights at 70: Time to De-Colonize Human Rights!
Andrew Levine
Thoughts on Strategy for a Left Opposition
Jennifer Matsui
Dead of Night Redux: A Zombie Rises, A Spook Falls
Rob Urie
Degrowth: Toward a Green Revolution
Binoy Kampmark
The Bomb that Did Not Detonate: Julian Assange, Manafort and The Guardian
Robert Hunziker
The Deathly Insect Dilemma
Robert Fisk
Spare Me the American Tears for the Murder of Jamal Khashoggi
Joseph Natoli
Tribal Justice
Ron Jacobs
Getting Pushed Off the Capitalist Cliff
Macdonald Stainsby
Unist’ot’en Camp is Under Threat in Northern Canada
Senator Tom Harkin
Questions for Vice-President Bush on Posada Carriles
W. T. Whitney
Two Years and Colombia’s Peace Agreement is in Shreds
Ron Jacobs
Getting Pushed Off the Capitalist Cliff
Ramzy Baroud
The Conspiracy Against Refugees
David Rosen
The Swamp Stinks: Trump & Washington’s Rot
Raouf Halaby
Wall-to-Wall Whitewashing
Daniel Falcone
Noam Chomsky Turns 90
Dean Baker
An Inverted Bond Yield Curve: Is a Recession Coming?
Nick Pemberton
The Case For Chuck Mertz (Not Noam Chomsky) as America’s Leading Intellectual
Ralph Nader
New Book about Ethics and Whistleblowing for Engineers Affects Us All!
Dan Kovalik
The Return of the Nicaraguan Contras, and the Rise of the Pro-Contra Left
Jeremy Kuzmarov
Exposing the Crimes of the CIAs Fair-Haired Boy, Paul Kagame, and the Rwandan Patriotic Front
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail