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Republican Porn and ANWR

The oil-hungry Republicans are pulling out all the stops in their maniacal pursuit of drilling for crude in Alaska1s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR).

First, they seized the news that Iraq’s Saddam Hussein, the original “evil one,” was going to temporarily suspend selling his nation’s oil to the open market as proof that the U.S. should begin producing more of our own.

But the Republicans left two important facts off their fear mongering bandwagon: the percentage of oil the U.S. receives from Iraqi sources is minimal at best and the amount of oil that could be extracted from Alaska would run our oil-thirsty nation for exactly six months. And then, prey tell, where would we turn for more?

Ironically, these same Republicans (and many Democrats, too) had just placed their oily fingers on the “no” button when it came to voting on increasing fuel efficiency standards for U.S. automobiles, a measure that would have saved far more oil than could ever be drilled for in Alaska.

But all that was nothing when compared to their latest foray into the unseemly world of caribou porn.

The normally prudish Trent Lott, Dennis Hastert, Tom Delay and their friends at the Wall Street Journal1s editorial page, a decidedly unsexy bunch if there ever was one, seem to be getting a bit aroused when it comes to the mating habits of the caribou herd near the existing Alaska pipeline.

In the lead editorial of the April 11 Wall Street Journal titled “Kerry vs. Caribou,” the proponents for more drilling in Alaska are claiming that the warm, oil-filled pipelines arouse the caribou and, as a result, have led to a dramatic increase in their population. The asexual Wall Street Journal put it this way: “They like to mate near the warm pipelines.”

And they weren’t shy about admitting that their newly found love of nature is more than a bit askew from their normal agenda. “We’ve never been big fans of animal rights,” the editorial begins, “but lately we’ve been wishing caribou held some political sway.”

But when it comes to caribou sex they’ve got to make some exceptions. And you can be sure they’ll oppose the distribution of caribou condoms.

The things they’ll do for oil!

Michael Colby is the editor of Wild Matters. He can be reached via email at mcolby@wildmatters.org

 

 

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Michael Colby is a Vermont writer and maple syrup producer. He’s the former editor of the Food & Water Journal, and the co-founder of Regeneration Vermont. He can be contacted at mcolbyvt@gmail.com.

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