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This was actually posted very briefly
on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously
has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a
sense of humor, and made the webdepartment take it down immediately.
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Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas
military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment,
please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration
card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but
the information will help us to develop new products that best
meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_]
Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
First Name:.....................................................
Initial:........
Last Name:......................................................
Password: .............................. (max 8 char)
Code Name:......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ........... ..........
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19.......
/....... /......
4. Serial Number:................................................
5. Please check where this product was
purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of
the McDonnell Douglas
product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that
most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas
product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this
product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Central / South America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please check the products that you currently
own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or
your organization? (Check all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democrat
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
[_] Postal Worker
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell
Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us understand our customers'
lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which
you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Working on G.M. Cars
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out
this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas serve you better in the future as well as allowing you
to receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
governments, extremistgroups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey,
you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert
Thunder Sweepstakes!
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