home / subscribe / donate / books / archives / search / links / feedback / events / faq
The New Print Edition of CounterPunch, Only for Our Newsletter Subscribers!
The Timebomb Who Would be President
Those who know him well regard him as a deceitful, violent, unstable liar who collaborated with the enemy and then postured as a hero. Meet the Real John McCain in this special, subscriber-only issue of CounterPunch newsletter, reported by Alexander Cockburn, Jeffrey St. Clair and Douglas Valentine. Why did Cindy McCain become a drug addict who, Phoenix doctors claim, at least three times sought medical attention for injuries consonant with physical violence? Why did Ron and Nancy Reagan shun him and try to derail his political career? Under the terms of the 14th Amendment is McCain actually barred from ever sitting in the Oval Office? Find the answers in CounterPunch newsletter. Subscribe now. ALSO, read David Price on the incredible case of Nicolas Flattes, whom the US government is trying to blackmail into becoming a spook! Get your copy today by subscribing online or calling 1-800-840-3683 Contributions to CounterPunch are tax-deductible. Click here to make a donation. If you find our site useful please: Subscribe Now! CounterPunch books and gear make great presents.
|
Today's Stories September 29, 2008 Jeff Gibbs Paul Craig Roberts Peter Morici Tim Wise September 27 / 28, 2008 Alexander Cockburn Linn Washington, Jr. Christopher Ketcham Mike Whitney Kevin Alexander Gray Race in the Race: Is Obama Shining Us On? Anthony DiMaggio Mary Lynn Cramer Marc Levy / Stan Cox Saul Landau Ali Khan David Rosen Todd Alan Price Matts Svensson Ron Jacobs Robert Fantina Richard Rhames David Krieger Seth Sandronsky Charles R. Larson Kim Nicolini Poets' Basement Website of the Day September 26, 2008 Moshe Adler Bill Quigley Jonathan Cook Manuel Garcia, Jr. Madis Senner Brian Cloughley Niranjan Ramakrishnan Joanne Mariner Dan La Botz David Macaray Website of the Day September 25, 2008 Michael Hudson Sharon Smith Ralph Nader Christopher Ketcham Eric Toussaint Robert Weissman David Estabrook Nikolas Kozloff Steve Early Judith Scherr Laray Polk Website of the Day September 24, 2008 Paul Craig Roberts Nikolas Kozloff Robert Weissman Andy Worthington Steve Conn Karyn Strickler Diane Farsetta Dennis Loo John Halle Khalil Nakhleh Website of the Day September 23, 2008 Rev. Jesse Jackson, Sr. Michael Hudson Tariq Ali Patrick Dyer Franklin Lamb Joshua Frank Alan Farago Dave Lindorff Tanya M. Kerssen / Harvey Wasserman Website of the Day September 22, 2008 Michael Hudson Mike Whitney Christopher Ketcham Ron Jacobs Anne-Marie McManus Robert Weitzel Wajahat Ali John Ross Steve Breyman Patrick Bond Uri Avnery Carl J. Mayer Website of the Day September 20 / 21, 2008 Alexander Cockburn Michael Hudson Pam Martens Lila Rajiva Mike Whitney Richard Rhames Bill Moyers / Bill and Kathleen Christison Susan Block Robert Fantina Heidi Walters David Yearsley Raymond J. Lawrence David Rosen David Michael Green Anthony Papa Niranjan Ramakrishnan Howard Lisnoff John Goekler Missy Beattie Dave Zirin Charles R. Larson Tim Matson Susie Day Poets' Basement Website of the Weekend September 19, 2008 Steven T. Banko Mike Whitney Michael Hudson William Kaufman Brenda Norrell Keeanga-Yamatta Taylor Clifton Ross Dave Lindorff Cynthia McKinney Susan Hurlich Michael Donnelly Website of the Day September 18, 2008 Benjamin Dangl Harvey Wasserman Susan Abulhawa Robert Weissman Anne-Marie McManus Corey D. B. Walker William S. Lind Ron Jacobs Dave Lindorff Binoy Kampmark Website of the Day September 17, 2008 Stephen Conn Forrest Hylton Patrick Cockburn Gregory Elich Ralph Nader Franklin Lamb Pam Martens Dave Lindorff Peter Morici Stanley Heller Douglas Valentine Website of the Day September 16, 2008 Paul Craig Roberts Tiphaine Dickson Stan Goff Uri Avnery Michael Winship Jeff Halper Patrick Irelan Oscar Gonzalez Binoy Kampmark Fatemeh Keshavarz Sen. Russ Feingold Website of the Day September 15, 2008 Mike Whitney Peter Morici Patrick Cockburn Charles R. Larson Jonathan Cook Nikolas Kozloff Roger Burbach Helen Redmond David Michael Green David Macaray Ralph Nader Website of the Day
|
September 29, 2008 Rep. Sarbanes, Take This Shrimp SlayerTake This Shrimp Slayer!By BILL HATCH Dear Congressman Sarbanes, We are writing from Merced, CA, one of three top foreclosure-rate counties in the nation. Our congressman, Dennis Cardoza, Shrimp Slayer, now resides in the 3rd Congressional District of Maryland, which you represent. Therefore, since you represent our congressman, we are petitioning you to help with our foreclosure-rate problem. The Ol' Shrimp Slayer does not seem up to the task, although he boasts to us of being a very Important Man in Washington, on the Rules Committee and chair of a subcommittee of the Agriculture Committee dealing with fruits and nuts. The Shrimp Slayer is a shy man, so shy he moved to Maryland to avoid seeing his constituents at the local grocery store, so he probably will be unable to bring himself to write you on our behalf. He is ethically disadvantaged, which frequently makes his public utterances difficult to understand if you don't know what's been going on in the backroom with the few local special interests he's protecting at the moment. However, we beg you, a member of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, chaired by that ferocious moralist, Henry Waxman, D-CA, who thunders about things like "moral hazard" that the Shrimp Slayer would find incomprehensible, to consider our petition to get some help for the poor, misguided and hoodwinked recent homeowners, the shrill sound of whose shattering lives fills our streets and police blotters. We understand that you are on the House Natural Resources Committee, now chaired by Nick Rahall, D-WV, so you may have heard some stories about your new constituent, the Shrimp Slayer. As your committee continues to delve into corruption in the Interior Department, certain unsavory facts may surface regarding the behavior of members of the former House Resources Committee, chaired by former Rep. Richard Pombo, Buffalo Slayer-Tracy, who represented the district immediately north of Cardoza's. During the height of the speculative housing boom in these two congressional districts, this bipartisan duo strolled about arm-in-arm counting the loot they collected from developers to pursue their single-minded aim of gutting the Endangered Species Act so that developers could completely destroy the natural habitat for a number of endangered species struggling to survive in what is left of habitat in the northern San Joaquin Valley. At the time, we called them the Pomboza, a term coined by the Azorean dairymen they menaced, and they cast a huge shadow over what is now the foreclosure-rate core of the nation -- Merced, Stanislaus and San Joaquin counties. Although we were critical of the Shrimp Slayer in his Pomboza days, we urge you to discount our outbursts at the time (we thought a bust might come) and to forgive your new constituent. Although in politics, he is so ethically warped by his love of power and money, he is by all accounts a fine family man. He exercised his "congressional voucher rights" by removing his children from the wretched school system here to put them in the finer schools of your district, which will give them a distinct advantage over their former classmates. Surely, a man of your commitments, who sits on the House Education and Labor Committee, subcommittees on Early Childhood, Elementary, and Secondary Education and Healthy Families and Communities, can understand a father's simple yearning for a better education for his children and a healthier family, by shortening the paternal commute. Nor should you overlook what the Shrimp Slayer has done for his wife's medical career by removing her from the desperately short-handed medical system (at least according to the Shrimp Slayer and other boosters of UC Merced) of the San Joaquin Valley and getting her a job teaching at the U. of Maryland, while simultaneously calling for the establishment of a medical school right here in Merced. We understand that, by your obvious progressive, even liberal standards, you might have some difficulty hearing our plea. But your new constituent, our congressman, has been wagging his little Blue Dog tail at Republicans ever since he got to Congress and he can't even get a decent community development block grant (that funky CDBG money) out of HUD to help on our foreclosure situation although Merced County is poorer than any of the surrounding counties -- Fresno, Stanislaus and San Joaquin -- that raked in $57 million in pure CDGB. So, we figure maybe a forthright progressive Democrat might do better than the rear end of the Pomboza. We're not saying our congressman is ill, by Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders standards anyway. He is a good family man and the prognosis is positive for his recovery in the congenial atmosphere of Maryland's 3rd congressional district. Here, things aren't so congenial. But we figure the Shrimp Slayer will disprove the old saw that a person can't run away from his problems. We confess we have never found anything beneath the Shrimp Slayer's public pomposity but wannabe-shrewd backroom calculations that boil down to moments of political psychosis. Just moments, mind you, just moments and geographically specific to a region about which the Shrimp Slayer as, as the psychologists would say, "conflicts." In a word, Rep. Sarbanes, your new constituent is basically a fugitive from his congressional district. He hates it. While this is no doubt not unknown in the annals of Congress, and in light of the foreclosure crisis here the least of our worries, nevertheless it ought to cause some concern among the Shrimp Slayer's colleagues -- the guy is bonkers. Possibly, you could find a place in a small parochial school in your district where he could teach political science. He might bloom in such an environment. However, with respect to the moral development of the children of your district, if you could just find the Shrimp Slayer a birth in a local Trappist monastery for a few years, perhaps under discreet lock and key, you would be doing your district and ours genuine service. As humane, educated people, we have some sympathy for the Shrimp Slayer. He displays the attributes of perpetual adolescence we often find in college professors and we believe his great, corrupt acts on behalf of locating a University of California campus in Merced (where it became the anchor tenant for growth, speculators including UC regents) were motivated by the desire to never grow up. Unfortunately, water wars, like those real wars you boys and girls in Congress fund, which claim so many young people from regions like ours, are hopelessly beyond the comprehension of perpetual adolescents like the Shrimp Slayer, who seek "balance," and are "troubled" by outrageous acts of governmental barbarism. Congress should realize that you are driving our congressman insane because your deeds do not accord with his reading of the texts of political science at the U. of Maryland. And so, Rep. Sarbanes, we address you as citizens of a district represented in Congress by a boy fleeing the consequences of his actions, who is trying to be a good father -- always a noble aim. We address you as an Eastern gentleman and as a self-conscious Greek American, hopefully not in the financial thrall of our local plutocrats buying classics departments throughout the nation to promote the line that Makedonia was always Greek and that Aristotle's ethics and politics support the designs of Sacramento real estate developers. Your new constituent, the Shrimp Slayer, is just a coward -- no more, no less. His district has always been too much for him. Perhaps the tender mercies of your hospitable and civilized congressional district will give him a chance to regain his manhood. Personally, we desire this for him. A man should be a man, at least once, as Hemingway said. He lacks any of the guts of a foreclosed burglar, and the current situation, which lacks any nuance at all, is highly distressing -- possibly incapacitating -- to a soul as sensitive as our Shrimp Slayer's. To conclude, regarding the HUD CDBG funds, supporters and contributors to the Shrimp Slayer in Merced County will steal every penny of them they do not funnel to their friends. So, do not listen to pleas for support from your new constituent regarding pork for his pals. He is, as we have said, ethically disadvantaged. Just find him a nice monastery where he is forbidden to speak for a few years. We are a fairly hardy lot. One way or another, we'll make it. A little help from other source than the CDBG mother of pork would be welcome. It would just be easier if we were spared the occasional obligatory inanity from Cardoza, which he must babble because he's still in office. Find him a cell in Baltimore and take care of his family. Bill Hatch lives in Merced. He can be reached at wmmhatch@sbcglobal.net
|
Now Available from CounterPunch Books! The Inside Story of the Shannon Five's Smashing Victory Over the
RED STATE REBELS: Edited by ![]() Buy End Times Now! CounterPunch Books of the Crossroads: HOW THE IRISH INVENTED SLANG By Daniel Cassidy AMERICAN BOOK AWARD! ![]() Click Here to Buy! Click Here for Dates & Venues Michael Neumann's Devastating Rebuttal of Alan Dershowitz ![]() Click Here to Buy! Saul Landau's Bush and Botox World with a Foreword by Gore Vidal ![]() Click Here to Order! How They Made a Killing on the War on Terrorism ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
![]() Humanitarian Imperialism By Jean Bricmont ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() CITY BEAUTIFUL By Tennessee Reed ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |