home / subscribe / donate / about us / books / archives / search / links / feedback / events
![]() |
|
Should the Left Cheer the Dollar's Drop? How to make the bankers scream: Robert Pollin, world's best obituarist of Clintonomics, explains it all for you. Do police states make people feel safer? Vicente Navarro on Franco's Spain, Cockburn on Ireland in the Fifties under the Catholic Hierarchy, Alevtina Rea on growing up in Brezhnev-time. Capitalism's true utopia? St Clair on the Pentagon's no-bid arms contracts. How's the press doing in Iraq? Patrick Cockburn tells all to Omar Waraich. Get the answers you're looking for in the latest subscriber-only edition of CounterPunch... CounterPunch Online is read by millions of viewers each month! But remember, we are funded solely by the subscribers to the print edition of CounterPunch. Please support this website by buying a subscription to our newsletter, which contains fresh material you won't find anywhere else, or by making a donation for the online edition. Remember contributions are tax-deductible. Click here to make a donation. If you find our site useful please: Subscribe Now! or write CounterPunch, PO BOX 228, Petrolia, CA 95558 |
|
Other Lands Have Dreams: From Baghdad to Pekin Prison by KATHY KELLY ![]() Today's Stories June 4 / 5, 2005 Alexander
Cockburn
June 3, 2005 Paul
Craig Roberts Joseph
Massad Jeff
Halper Tom
Barry Bruce
K. Gagnon Joshua
Frank Mickey
Z. Gary
Leupp Website
of the Day June 2, 2005 Paul
Craig Roberts Forrest
Hylton Mike
Whitney Brian
Cloughley Mazin
Qumsiyeh Russell
D. Hoffman Norman
Madarasz Norman
Solomon David
Price Website
of the Day
June 1, 2005 James
Petras Justin
Delacour Edward
Jay Epstein Omar
Barghouti / Lisa Taraki Dave
Lindorff Kevin
Zeese Jason
Leopold William
S. Lind
May 31, 2005 Sen.
Mike Gravel David
Krieger Tad
Daley Joshua
Frank Richard
Gott Norman
Solomon Tom
Segev Walter
Brasch Diana
Johnstone
May 28 / 30, 2005 Alexander
Cockburn Richard
Lichtman Sharon
Smith Paul
Craig Roberts Dave
Lindorff Ramzy
Baroud Brian
Cloughley Fred
Gardner Lee
Sustar Joshua
Frank Justin
E.H. Smith Jackie
Corr Michael
Kimaid Toufic
Haddad Justin
Taylor Amir
Butler Ben
Tripp Poets'
Basement May 27, 2005 Gary
Leupp Daniel
Estulin Kevin
Zeese Robert
Fisk Dave
Zirin Website
of the Day
May 26, 2005 Yuki
Tanaka Ray
McGovern Arthur
Mitzman Jack
Random Britt
Bailey and Brian Tokar Rebecca
Rush Jorge
Mariscal Paul
Craig Roberts Website
of the Day
May 25, 2005 Camilo
Mejia Dave
Lindorff William
S. Lind Chris
Floyd Brian
Cloughley Lenni
Brenner Sean
Cain Karl
Shepard John
Ross Website
of the Day
Dave
Zirin Michele
Bollinger Winslow
Wheeler Uri
Avnery Michael
Donnelly Joshua
Frank Stephen
Dunifer Paul
Craig Roberts
May 23, 2005 Esther
Sassaman / Thomas Nagy Mike
Whitney Ramzy
Baroud Michael
Dickinson Walter
Brasch Dick
J. Reavis Maria
Tomchick Norman
Solomon Kevin
Zeese Website
of the Day
May 21 / 22, 2005 David
H. Price Gabriel
García Márquez Oren
Ben-Dor Gary
Leupp Laith
al-Saud Elaine
Cassel Greg
Moses Fred
Gardner Dave
Lindorff Alan
Maass William
Blum Tom
Crumpacker Niranjan
Ramakrishnan Doug
Giebel Evelyn
J. Pringle Carolyn
Baker Chris
Floyd Frederick
B. Hudson Ben
Tripp Poets'
Basement
May 20, 2005 Dave
Lindorff Kevin
Zeese Paul
de Rooij Christopher
Brauchli Mark
Engler Joshua
Frank Robert
Jensen Jeffery
R. Webber
May 19, 2005 Bill
Forman Stan
Goff Neve
Gordon Michael
Dickinson Karyn
Strickler Andrew
Freedman Paul
Craig Roberts
May 18, 2005 Jean
Bricmont Laura
Carlsen Mike
Whitney Joshua
Frank George
Galloway Manuel
Garcia, Jr. Dwight
D. Eisenhower Dave
Lindorff
May 17, 2005 Mickey
Z. Petuuche
Gilbert Paul
Craig Roberts Ramzy
Baroud Robert
Jensen / Pat Youngblood Stan
Cox Dave
Zirin Diana
Barahona Website
of the Day May 16, 2005 Michael
Gillespie Jason
Leopold Jesse
Muldoon Norman
Solomon Robert
Cray Patrick
Cockburn Website
of the Day
May 14 / 15, 2005 Alexander
Cockburn Saul
Landau Gary
Leupp JoAnn
Wypijewski Ben
Tripp Brian
J. Foley Tom
Barry Mitchell
Verter Mike
Ferner Dan
Smith Mark
Scaramella Don
Fitz Diane
Farsetta Michael
Dickinson Ron
Jacobs Fred
Gardner Farrah
Hassen Douglas
Valentine Poets'
Basement Website
of the Weekend May 13, 2005 Tom
Stephens Patrick
Cockburn Mike
Whitney Chris
Floyd Jenna
Orkin Dave
Lindorff Joshua
Frank Website
of the Day
May 12, 2005 Paul
Craig Roberts Uri
Avnery Greg
Moses Carolyn
Baker Pat
Williams William
S. Lind Jack
Random Gary
Leupp
May 11, 2005 Patrick
Cockburn Kevin
Zeese Christopher
Brauchli Zalman
Amit Robert
Shull Mike
Whitney Dr.
Teresa Whitehurst Norman
Solomon
May 10, 2005 Richard
Drayton Dave
Zirin Jackie
Corr Dave
Lindorff Michael
Donnelly Reza
Fiyouzat Scott
Parkin Stephen
Babcock Alan
Farago Michael
Neumann Website
of the Day
May 9, 2005 Louis
Proyect Robert
Fisk Kevin
Zeese Joshua
Frank Sasha
Kramer Andrew
Wimmer Jeffrey
Webber Jeffrey
St. Clair
May 7 / 8, 2005 Alexander
Cockburn Gary
Leupp Saul
Landau Joe
DeRaymond Daniela
Ponce Heather
Williams Gregory
Elich Anis
Memon John
Chuckman Mike
Whitney Ron
Jacobs Colin
Kalmbacher Lance
Selfa Fred
Gardner Ben
Tripp Mickey
Z. Richard
Joseph Dr.
Susan Block Poets'
Basement
May 6, 2005 Patrick
Cockburn Erin
Yoshioka Sam
Husseini Dave
Lindorff Kevin
Zeese Joshua
Frank Dan
Bacher P.
Sainath
May 5, 2005 Carles
Mutaner Carl
G. Estabrook Farrah
Hassen Kevin
Zeese Michael
Leonardi Bennett
Ramberg Ray
McGovern Norman
Solomon Nicole
Colson Brian
Concannon, Jr.
May 4, 2005 Colin
Kalmbacher John
Walsh Greg
Moses Ali
Khan Chris
Floyd Linda
S. Heard Dave
Zirin William
S. Lind Gary
Leupp Website
of the Day
May 3, 2005 Dave
Lindorff Brian
Cloughley Ira
Kurzban Seth
Sandronsky Gilad
Atzmon Michael
Donnelly Alex
Sanchez Peter
Linebaugh
May 2, 2005 Ron
Jacobs Stan
Goff Karyn
Strickler Joshua
Frank Kevin
Zeese Vicente
Navarro
April 30 / May 1, 2005 Alexander
Cockburn Gabriel
Kolko Jennifer
Loewenstein Lee
Sustar Saul
Landau T.W.
Croft Nikolas
Kozloff William
Blum Dave
Lindorff Joshua
Frank Doug
Giebel Steven
Erlanger Fred
Gardner Mike
Whitney Kurt
Nimmo Joe
DeRaymond Michael
Dickinson Mickey
Z. Justin
Taylor Poets
Basement Website
of the Weekend
Hot Stories Alexander Cockburn Subcomandante
Marcos Norman Finkelstein Steve Niva Dardagan,
Slobodo and Williams Steve
J.B. Sheldon
Rampton and John Stauber Wendell
Berry CounterPunch
Wire Cindy
Corrie Gore Vidal Francis Boyle
Subscribe Online
|
Weekend Edition Just a Little Mishandling...White Man's House Details Holy Bible Abusers at Liberal College in New EnglandBy GRAEME GREENBACK Northampton, Massachusetts. A White Man's House inquiry has found that students or faculty at Smith College in liberal Northampton, Massachusetts, shit on and/or squirted urine on the Holy Bible (Saint James version), in some cases intentionally but in others by accident, the White Man's House said on Friday. While the shitting upon was deliberate, the splashing of urine was described as inadvertent. It was said to have occurred when a "typical lesbian Smith girl" urinated in a stall in the gymnasium locker room. The incident is reminiscent of a case at Guantanamo when an interrogator urinated near an air vent and the wind blew his urine through the vent into a detainee's cell onto the detainee's Koran. White Man's House officials call the events unrelated. They say that while it's possible for wind to carry urine particles through an air vent intact, it would take "witchery" for a Smith girl's pee to spritz at the proper angle under a stall wall and onto a Christian girl's Bible. The Christian girl was given a fresh soccer uniform and a new Bible. The "little lesbo witch," as President Bush described her, was dunked in Smith pond repeatedly and assigned to James D. Miller's economics class for re-education. Miller has gained accolades from Christians nationwide for teaching Smith girls how to dress and groom themselves properly. His statistics prove that cute Christian girls always get the best corporate jobs. According to Miller, JAPs have their own cultural network in which good looks are not necessary, only a proficiency at the fine art of fellatio. The White Man's House investigation into allegations that the Holy Bible had been peed upon at Smith also found that in one instance a Christian girl's Bible was wet because lesbians high on green tea had thrown water balloons in her dorm room. In another case, a two-word obscenity was written in runes on the inside cover of a Bible, but White Man's House investigators could not determine whether a witch or a debauched Christian, who had temporarily lost her way (like Jeb Bush's brown daughter) had written it. Last week, President Bush personally took charge of the investigation, creating a "Jedi Task Force" and announcing that he was so upset that he had missed his meds. He was feeling righteous enough to invade Syria. Bush's co-commander, Don Rumsfeld, was hyperventilating, his reddened face about to explode in suppressed sexual frustration and an overdose of Viagra. "How can we win the war on terror when those angry dykes at Smith are pissing on our parade," he quipped to adoring reporters. Laura Bush, looking sweet and saved, announced in the Rose Garden that her feminine intuition had uncovered other cases of Bible desecration at the all-girls college, but she refused to provide details. "It's just too awful," she sobbed, while clutching her skirt and dabbing her eyes with it, revealing quite a nice pair of milky white thighs. Others in the administration were less restrained. Dick Cheney called upon the citizens of rural Northampton to "grab your pitchforks and torches" and to "lay to waste that she-wolf den of iniquity!" John Bolten referred to Smith as the "modern equivalent of Sodom and Gomorrah" and said he would urge the United Nations to apply economic sanctions on the institution of higher learning, if the Senate approved his nomination. Senator Robert Bennett, Mormon elder and husband to twelve pre-teenage brides, praised Bolten for his moral turpitude while declaring John Smith the one true messiah. The Dean of Students at Smith, Ms. Elizabeth Parris, said that Bible burnings are rare and that students have gone to great lengths to be sensitive to Christianity and "that dirty gutter religion, Judaism." "Mishandling a Bible is a rare occurrence," Dean Parris said in a statement released by the Smith College. "Mishandling of a Bible here is never condoned. They may be wrapped in condoms and shoved up elephants' asses, but they are never mishandled!"" The White Man's House investigation was started about three weeks ago after Newsweek magazine published an article asserting that a separate inquiry by the Northampton Baptist Church of the Sacred Babbling Brook was expected to find that a Bible had been flushed down a toilet at the college cafeteria. The magazine later retracted the article, but the assertion led to violence in Bible Belt that left at least thirteen witches hanged, drowned, or drawn and quartered in the Southern States. The President's mother and spiritual adviser, while coddling her nitwit son in her matronly arms, blamed Hilary Clinton, "that ugly bitch," for "inciting the witches at Smith to such deviltry." Interviewed on the streets of Northampton, Smith bitches had various reactions. Soccer star and angry dike, Ann Putnam, smiled and said, "Personally, I would never take a shit on the Holy Book. But hell be praised, it's still a fuckin' free country, right?" Mercy Lewis, with multiple body piercings and a tattoo over at the base of her spine saying, "I lick clit," denied that any lesbian had ever desecrated the Bible. "We might think those big-haired Christian babes and juicy JAPs should be shuffled off to Guantanamo for a little electric shock on the genitals. Or maybe gang raped at Abby Grabby. But shit and piss on their sacred religious text? Mercy sakes alive, never!" A final report released by the White Man's House on Friday said that four of the five alleged incidents at Smith took place after January 2003, after written procedures governing the handling of the Bible had been circulated on campus. That contradicted an account provided last Thursday by President Bush, who was asked directly whether all five of the incidents had taken place before January 2003, and replied: "Where are my valium?" A spokesman for the White Man's House, the right-Reverend Cotton Mather, said in a telephone interview that he could not explain Bush's apparent dementia. "Maybe he mis-spaketh," Mather said, adding in off-the-record remarks, "No around here trusts the jerk the find his way to the fuckin' bathroom by himself, let alone utter a coherent sentence without a teleprompter shoved in his stupid face." The White Man's House released the findings of the investigation about 7:15 p.m., Eastern time, well after the broadcasts of the network television evening news programs. A Smith spokeswoman, Mary Walcott, denied that the college was trying to stick voodoo pins in a doll of Bush's likeness on Friday night, a tactic often used by secret witch societies. "We don't play with dolls here," she said while chewing a plug of Red Man tobacco. "We'd just bite his little balls off." An anonymous Smith official, referring to herself as Deep Tongue, acknowledged that some lesbians consider peeing on the Bible as a sacred act of terrorism against the oppressive White Man. "The Homeland Security Command policy of Bible fondling is no less sacred than flag waving," said Dick Cheney, while traveling with Rumsfeld at a security conference-cum-sex orgy in Phuket, Thailand. "The Smith inquiry would appear to affirm that witches should be burned at the stake," he said, then joined with Dyn Corps executives in the sacred Christian white man ritual of fondliing nubile brown girls. Graeme Greenback can be reached at: redspruce@comcast.net
|