CounterPunch
Report to the
UN Security Council:
The Growing Martian Threat
By TOM GORMAN
There's an emerging crisis that I feel I must
bring to the attention of the UN Security Council. There is a
planet that is at times only thirty million miles from the Earth.
It is called Mars (chillingly, the same name as the Roman god
of war). In the past, pieces of Mars have broken off (allegedly
during collisions with meteors), and that debris has subsequently
struck the Earth. The only response that the Earth has made to
these unprovoked attacks is to send a few peaceful space machines
to "gather information." And even two of these craft,
the Mars Climate Orbiter and the Mars Polar Lander--both scheduled
for "peace landings" on the "Red" planet
in late 1999--were never heard from again.
Now there will be those detractors (mostly
in the liberal media) who say that there is no evidence that
any life, much less intelligent life, exists on Mars, and that
even if it did, there is no evidence that such Martians would
attacks us, or that they would even be so equipped.
I would ask those people to look at this
satellite image of the planet Mars. [see attachment] Notice
that we cannot see below the surface of the planet. It is impossible
to know what the Martians are planning or constructing in their
underground lairs. Also notice the prominent ice caps. As we
all know, water is the main precursor to all biological weapons.
Experts in extraterrestrial weapons systems tell us that the
ruddy complexion of Mars is due to its high iron content. This
iron can be made in to steel for the production of everything
from small weapons, to medium-sized weapons, to very large weapons.
In short, I do not think we can wait and see what the crafty
and inscrutable Martians are planning for their next attack on
us.
Past actions are a fair prediction of
present intentions. Mars has had over three years to account
for the two missing Earth probes, and longer than that to reveal
any and all weapons of mass destruction, lack of evidence of
which only further proves their existence. Yet there has been
absolutely no communication from the planet Mars.
Now, I know that the economy is in the
toilet, but I call on the Security Council to lead a coalition
of the willing to neutralize and disarm the Martians. The cost
of this space fleet will be, if you'll pardon the pun, astronomical,
but I must seriously caution the "rationality-huggers"
out there. A strike against a perceived threat that has no basis
in reality or logic may seem an incredibly foolish venture, but
I would argue that the price of doing nothing is far, far greater
than the price of acting. Unless the Security Council does not
busy itself with the crucial, rational, and inherently moral
work of Martian disarmament, it does so at the peril of becoming
irrelevant.
Tom Gorman
is the president of The Antiwar Coalition at California State
University, Los Angeles. He welcomes comments at tgorman222@hotmail.com
(Martian appeasers need not respond).
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