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CounterPunch
October
26, 2002
A Good Man is
Hard to Misfit
by ADAM ENGEL
Used to call me the Misfit cause I couldn't do
nothin' right--least not in this world. Now they call me "Mr.
President," jest like Paw said they would. My brother Jeb,
he said, "Daddy got you a job is all. It jest happens to
be a real big 'un."
Yeah, I reckon so. But hell. Ain't like
I weren't civilized and socialized as a young 'un. I got my schoolin'
done and then my higher learnin'--Yale, Harvard--and you can
be sure I raised holy hell a-ruttin' and a-hollerin' and a-drinkin'
so hard it's a wonder I learned me anything a'tall.
But I growed up, some--the hard way.
I flied me a plane clear 'cross Texas durin' the War 'gainst
the Indian Chinese. Tore into the cold earth for liquid gold--lucre
is all; the black blood of Mammon that lubricationizes this sorry
vale of tears. Even run me a baseball team. Quit drinkin' too.
A-yup. No thanks to them alchee-holic 2-steppers and their K-Mart
religion: meetin' secretly in dank basements every blessed afternoon
a-whinin' and a-cryin and a-kickin' and a-screamin' up every
damn one of them god awful 12 steps. No sir. Not me. I answer
to a much Higher Power...
I been saved--twicet. I been reborn.
I remember the good Rev. Jimmy Swaggert--before he becomed a
blubberin' whoremonger--I remember him preachin'--on nation'l
TV he preached--about them atheists and communists at the Harvard
Divinity school, or mighta been the Harvard school of Guvment,
same thing I reckon, he preached, "When we die, you can
go to Harvard. Me, I wanna go to Heaven." And it damn near
brought the house down. Not a house of God directly, more a stadium
like. But I felt the good word touch me even through the color
TV box.
I got the callin.' Look in my eyes, you'll
see. I got the callin.' I see it, I see it all: Fire and Redemption,
even for the Jews. Oh yes. Oh yes siree. Why, I got me a whole
kitchen full-a Jews. Wolfowitz, aptly named I might say, and
Perle, a man even the meanest, low-downest, orneriest killers
at the Pentagon calls "the Prince-a Darkness" (and
they ain't far off the mark). Even got me that Ari Fishbaum speakin'
in tongues to the liberal communist Media. Think that was a accident?
Some folks, usually furriners and leftist
intersexuals and A-rab terrorists and such, they think I take
"orders" from fat ol' Ariel Sharon. Huh. No more'n
he takes "orders" from Pat Robertson, or gives 'em
to Jerry Falwell. We're all in this together. Yer with us or
agin' us, like I been sayin' all along. Well, least since them
World Train Towers got blowed up in New York City--and it weren't
me what called it "Hymie Town," neither. Ask yer fancy-talkin'
adulterizin' colored feller 'bout that 'un.
When the Evil among us is destroyed,
when the Rapture comes, them Jew-boys--gathered in Israel every
last one of 'em by then; least that's what's written in The Book,
and I ain't talkin' bout no egghead scholar book or the Baseball
Encyclopedia neither; I'm talking bout the one true only book
that matters--anyways, them Jew-boys'll see the wickedness of
their ways and fall a-weepin' to the feet of Our Savior and beg
His forgiveness and rise to Heaven with the rest of us Believers.
And they won't be 'restricted' when they get there. No. They'll
be treated jest as fine as if they was reglar baptized Christians.
There're good Jews, I tell you. From
Ari to Ariel, I only keep company with good Jews, the ones what'll
see the light when it shines upon them. It will--once we gather
all the Jews, both good and bad, in the Holy Land, which might
take some work, specially flushin' 'em from cosmiccomican areas
like Los Angelees and NYC, but Ariel Sharon and them AIPAC fellers,'
they're studyin' on it. They'll find the way...
Ronnie Reagan, he knew what was comin.'
He saw the Apocalypse and prepared for it with the correct military
hardware to put the communists and other evil ones to flame;
trouble was, the folks around him, Georgie Schultz, Jeanne Kirkpatrick,
James Baker III, Bill Casey, even my own Paw, they was more innerested
in hedge-a-money in this life than heaven in the next. Now, I'm
sure Ronnie had nothing 'gainst hedge-a-money if it was gonna
help bring on the reign of Heaven, but hedge-a-money for its
own sake, for love-a nuthin' more'n Riches n' Power in this wicked
world...that just don't figure. Not to Ronnie, not to me.
My Pappy's a good man, and when The Lord
comes, I know Pappy'll jump like a lamb into His arms; but he
saw that hedge-a-money as a good thing in itself, not as a step
toward Heaven, and that kinda thinking don't make no sense to
me, no sense a'tall.
Well, that don't matter no how. There's
work to be done, and we're a-goin' do it. We got the firepower
and we got the faith. Light all them heathens up like Roman candles,
smoke 'em outta their holes, burn 'em, burn 'em all, like The
Book says. My Paw told me it was Our Destiny, America's Destiny,
to do the work of the Lord. Well, that's directly what we're
goin' do.
Yeah. I know what yer thinkin'. I don't
like it any more than you do. I got nuthin agin' the Iraqi people,
personally. But it's gotta be done -
"What Fun!"
"Shut up, Donald. Ain't no enjoyment
in this life."
You'll have to excuse the impermanence
of my assistant, interjectifying like that in the middle of my...obsequy.
"Rummy" didn't mean no harm by it, I reckon. Rudeness
is all. Rudeness and ign'rance. You see, Rummy don't unnerstand
that Saddam, like most fellers, Ossama too, would be a GOOD MAN
if, if only he had...if only he had someone there to shoot him
every day of his life.
Adam Engel lives
and writes in NYC. He can be reached at asengel@attglobal.net
Yesterday's
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Print Edition of CounterPunch Available Exclusively
to Subscribers:
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in the Tunnels;
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October 14,
2002
Harry Browne
Ireland:
No to War; No to Nice
Don Atapattu
The Tragedy of Alan Dershowitz
Linda Heard
So You
Think You Live in a Democracy?
Bob Feldman
Flashback: Inspecting Nuclear Israel
Adam Engel
The Anger
of Achilles
Anthony Gancarski
The
Washington Post and the Wal-Mart Way
Philip Farruggio
Sleepers
Harold Gould
Islamic
West Asia and US Foreign Policy:
A Tale of Strategic Self-Delusion
Dan Brook
An Open Letter to Barbara Lee
October 12
/ 13, 2002
Alexander
Cockburn
Vindication
Through Violence:
Jimmy Carter and the DC Sniper
Robert Jensen
The American
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More Freedom, Less Democracy
Ben Tripp
Congratulations! It's a War!
Susan Davis
Proverbial
Wisdom:
Red!
David Krieger
A Bleak Day for America
Anis Shivani
George W. in Therapy
Ken Paff
Where Do Hoffa's Tactics Belong in a Mob-Free Teamsters?
Carol Norris
The Politics of Fear
Elaine Cassel
The Lynne Stewart Case:
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Musa AlShaer
Scenes
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Anthony Gancarski
Concerned Citizen: a serialized
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Alam
I Will Fight Your Enemies
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Montana
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Steve Kelly's Wild Ride for Congress
Ralph Nader
Whirlwind
Wheelchair Intl.
Anthony Gancarski
Stayin'
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Romi Mahajan
What
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Uri Avnery
Israel:
the Jewish Demographic State?
Francis Boyle
Bush's
Banana Republic
Lee Sustar
Taft-Hartley,
Bush and the Dock Workers
Katherine
van Wormer
Dry Drunk
Syndrome and George W. Bush
Jerre Skog
The Blessings
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The Greatest Deception of All Time
October 10,
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Elson E. Boles
Iraq and
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Senator Russ Feingold
"Confused Justifications and
Vague Proposals": Why I Oppose Bush's War Resolution
William A.
Cook
What Bush
Didn't Tell the UN:
The Case Against Israel
Jorge Mariscal
Chicanos
and Chicanas Say:
"No a la Guerra"
Norman Madarasz
Rio's
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Amir Boroomand
Just
Nod, Please
Fedwa Wazwaz
Falwell,
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Kurt Nimmo
Condoleezza
Rice at the Waldorf Astoria
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