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May
8, 2003
Julie
Hilden
When It's a Crime to Visit Your Son
Mickey
Z.
Partisan Protests?
Mark
Zepezauer
Evil is as Evil Does
David Lindorff
The Coming Senior Revolution
Abu
Spinoza
The Detention of Dr. Huda Ammash
Ben
Tripp
The Other "F" Word
Norman
Madarasz
God in the Service of the Security
State: a Dispatch from Brazil
Stew Albert
Pushovers
Steve
Perry
Bush's War Web Log 5/08
Website
of the Day
Department of Sexual Security
May
7, 2003
Alexander
Cockburn
Quoting Under the Influence: Breasts,
Martinis, Hitchens
David
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Winning the War; Alienating the World
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Bush's Troubling Speech
Bruce Jackson
Bill Kunstler's Last Big Speech
Steve
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of the Day
The Truth About Bush's Military Records
May
6, 2003
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An Activist in the Trenches: an Interview
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Robert
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A Roadmap to Nowhere
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May
5, 2003
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3, 2003
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American Bulk
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Bush's War Web Log 5/03
May
2, 2003
Caoimhe
Butterly
Crowd Control American-style
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Gordon
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Question Those Writing History
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The Cuba Conundrum
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Bush's War Web Log 5/02
Website
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May
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May
10, 2003
Hey, Mr. Patriot,
That's Illegal!
Flag in the
Rain
by ADAM ENGEL
Bored white corpuscles, the wife and I alternately
crept and cruised the clogged arteries of Empire on our way to
some godforsaken suburb to visit reactionary relatives in the
rain.
We passed depressing god awful towns.
Same supermarkets, drugstores, fast-food, Starbucks, Gap, Barnes
and Noble what-have-you (just like NYC!). Hundreds upon hundreds
of flags in every neighborhood, lining every Main Street and
pocking every block. You could tell the truly lower and working
class neighborhoods cause the flags had yellow ribbons on them,
which meant the kids were off from school that day, out fighting
for--what else?--The Flag.
On the highway we played "count-the-flag:"
Old Glory waved from both domestic and imported cars. Soggy cloth
and nylon flapped like rat-tails in the rain.
And of course, the bumper stickers and
decals: "Proud To Be American United We Stand Remember 9/11
and The Alamo Valley of Heroes No Smoking Please Sit Down Chew
Your Food Forty Times Don't Interrupt Me When I'm Speaking..."
"Why you wanna wear Daddy's clothes?"
I screamed out the window at everyone, at no one. "Look
at you dressing in THE MAN'S clothes pretending you're Big Daddy!"
We pulled into a Shop-Rite parking lot
in one of the wealthier towns--no yellow ribbons on the flags--and
parked beside this shiny Jeep-type vehicle, looked like a Brink's
truck. But my wife said it was an SUV.
"Americans gotta find some way to
blow gas," she said. "Twenty-five years ago it was
the Cadillac. Today it's the SUV -- hey, look at that, that's
illegal!"
"What, the big ugly gas guzzler
or the 'United We Stand' bumper sticker on its fender?"
"No, no, the flag in the rain,"
she said.
"We've seen about two thousand--"
"But look at the shape it's in,"
she said. "It's a mess."
Soaked and tattered; faded and fringed.
I wouldn't wipe my ass with the rag on that SUV.
"Oh yeah. I remember. Something
about not letting Old Glory hit the ground or get spit on and
stuff."
Years ago, in the Age of the Cadillac,
the Cub Scouts taught me the only proper way to dispose of a
flag was to fold it neatly and burn it, yet here this guy had
this REDWHITEandBLUE shmateh rotting away on his big brassy truck
or sports van or whatever the salesmen told him it was supposed
to be.
My wife ran in to pick up a cake for
our hosts. I wasn't alone more than a few minutes before Flagman
walks up to the SUV, keys in hand, and damned if he's not wearing
a stars-and-stripes cardigan. Now, why was Abbie Hoffman considered
a yippee yappy yahoo radical for wearing a hand-made flag-shirt
while this guy's considered...uh..."normal," in a super-patriotic
way, for sporting an off-the-rack Betsy Ross cardigan?
"Hey man, that's illegal,"
I said.
"Excuse me?" said Flagman,
obviously anxious to get outta the rain lest he shrink his sweater.
"You're mistreating that flag. Abusing
it, in fact. It's illegal."
"My...my flag?"
"Sure," I said. "Can't
let Old Glory fade out like an old hippy bandana. I mean, I'm
not gonna report you, but..."
"Report me? To who?"
"You know. TIPS. The flag codicil
of the USA PATRIOT act. Don't tell me you don't know?"
"No, I..."
"Anyway, ignorance of the law is
no excuse..."
"Flag," he said, as if appealing
to some star-spangled deity.
"Again, I'm not the type to squeal
on a guy who's basically, I mean who appears to be patriotic,
but some folks don't take kindly to flag abuse. Also, there's
the type who'll do anything for money..."
"Money?"
"Yeah. The TIPS people pay about
fifty dollars for confirmed reports of abuse. All someone has
to do is call the HOTLINE and..."
"Whoa. I don't want trouble. Look,
man, I'll get rid of it as soon as I get home."
"What do you mean, 'get rid of it?'
You can't just throw away Old Glory like a piece of cloth. You
have to burn it."
"Burn it? Ain't that illegal?"
"Yeah. Go figure. But it's also
the only legal way to dispose of it. You can look it up if you
don't believe me. One of those Catch-22 deals."
"No, it's just that...look at it.
It's soaked."
"Yeah. That's a problem with keeping
a flag in the rain. Well, it's against regulations, probably,
though I'm not sure, but you may want to blow dry it first, then
fold it neatly and light her up."
"Jesus Christ. Okay, man. Thanks.
I gotta go."
And with a chugga chugga zoom and toxic
fumes, the flag burner sped off.
Adam Engel
was thrown out of the Cub Scouts for flag-burning, though he
swears he was performing a mercy burning on a tattered remnant
of Old Glory and not desecrating a virile, vigorous banner in
its patriotic prime. Anyone up for a game of "count-the-flag"
can reach him at bartleby.samsa@verizon.net
Yesterday's
Features
Julie
Hilden
When It's a Crime to Visit Your Son
Mickey
Z.
Partisan Protests?
Mark
Zepezauer
Evil is as Evil Does
David Lindorff
The Coming Senior Revolution
Abu
Spinoza
The Detention of Dr. Huda Ammash
Ben
Tripp
The Other "F" Word
Norman
Madarasz
God in the Service of the Security
State: a Dispatch from Brazil
Stew Albert
Pushovers
Steve
Perry
Bush's War Web Log 5/08
Website
of the Day
Department of Sexual Security
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