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Now!
On Friday evening I was released from
10 days in Turkish Police custody, following my arrest for 'insulting
the dignity of the higher powers in Turkey' by publicly displaying
a collage of the Turkish Prime Minister as a dollar-eating dog
held on a stars and striped dogleash, his tail a nuclear missile.
After 3 nights in prison I was moved to the detention center
for illegal aliens on the other side of the Bosphorus. Addressing
me as their 'guest', my movements were thereafter confined for
the next seven days and nights to a small windowless office where
my bed was a row of 3 chairs, the light never off, music and
football matches played at full volume all night by very loud-voiced
Turkish policemen. Sleep was less than minimal.
Apart from the office, I was allowed to sit in the corridor/hall
in front of the grey iron wall behind which are detained the
male foreigners (women separated upstairs) caught without the
proper official documents necessary to be allowed in the country.
The floor in there is spread with bodies lying on blankets,
almost shoulder to shoulder. While I was there the population
rose to over 500 detainees, with police bringing in new detainees
all the time. Many of those inside already have been confined
for many months, some for over a year, in highly degrading conditions,
and the treatment they receive from the guardians there far from
courteous or helpful. Far from it. In fact, mindless cruelty
rules.
During my time in confinement, apart from little to eat, I had
nothing to read, so I wrote instead in a couple of exercise books
I had been allowed to possess to keep sane. In one I kept a
diary and account of the cruelty I witnessed, and the other I
used for doodlings and wring stuff I'd memorised.
I also used the time to write this version of 'The King's New
Clothes'. A guard would sometimes come up and ask what I was
writing while I was still recording the act of violence he had
just performed against a defenseless detainee. "A Children's
Play", I'd say, slipping this identical exercise book over
the other, beginning to revise the drama again, and he'd walk
off satisfied. The following is the result. Hope you might
like it. MD
THE KING'S NEW CLOTHES
by Michael Dickinson.
(Written in Turkish Police
Custody -- Istanbul 2006)
Narrator 1
We all have different tastes;
especially in clothes;
One may love a certain style,
which yet another loathes.
Narrator 2
This story concerns a king,
obsessed with being in fashion.
Clothing for him was more than
a love -- it bordered on a passion.
Narrator 1
He was always searching for
some new look, and loved to parade about --
Showing off in the city square,
where his people all turned out.
(Townsfolk come out singing
and dancing. Suggested music: Vogue' by Maddonna/'Dedicated
Follower of Fashion' by the Kinks. )
Citizen 1
Here comes the king in his
latest clothes! Doesn't he look a treat!
The epitome of style and taste!
Why, he's good enough to eat!
Citizen 2
Everything he wears is always
a sensation!
What luck to have a supermodel
as ruler of our nation!
King
Thank you, plebs! I'm glad
you admire my latest attire!
You'll find nothing comparable
for sale or for hire.
Chancellor
I hereby announce, for your
monarch's new raiment --
Of the Public Tax -- an increase
in payment!
King
Not a lot -- and I hope you
don't mind --
But isn't it worth it, to buy
me clothes of this kind?
Chancellor
Of course it is! The people
are willing to pay the price!
To keep you in fashion, and
looking so nice!
King
I'm sure they understand that
a king must look his best,
To display his importance and
rank above the rest!
Chancellor
Of course they do! This outfit
is a winner!
I think the plebs have seen
enough. Let's go in for dinner.
(Exit King and Chancellor.)
Boy
In my opinion, for what it's
worth, the King's new clothes are a mess!
And we shouldn't pay more taxes
-- but a darned sight less!
Citizen 1
Listen to the idiot! Who cares
what you have to say?
We respect our monarch, and
we're prepared to pay!
Citizen 2
The boy's a fool, and has been
from his birth!
He doesn't value royalty, or
realize what it's worth!
(Exit Citizens. Two Strangers
enter.)
Sly
Greetings, boy! We're strangers
here; and we'd just like to know
Where we might find employment
-- I mean we need some dough.
Fly
We've just been on a ship,
working as sailors;
But we can do most any job
-- such as butchers, cops, or tailors.
Boy
Tailors, did you say? I might
have just the thing!
If your clothes are camp and
tasteless, you could always try the King!
Sly
The King? Now, there's a thought!
We might just have a try!
But tell us, what's he like?
I mean, what kind of guy?
Boy
To put it in a nutshell, without
telling any lies;
Apart from nuts on fashion,
he thinks he's ultra-wise.
Fly
Interesting information. Thanks
for the advice.
Boy
You're welcome. Farewell.
I have to buy my mum some rice.
(Exit Boy.)
Sly
Why did you say we could work
as tailors? We've never done such a thing!
Fly
Don't worry about that. I
have an idea. Let's go see this clever king!
(Exit Sly and Fly.)
Narrator 1
In his palace, the King and
his man were inspecting the latest styles,
To find one to suit his taste,
they searched through many files.
King
No, no, no! This shirt's too
fussy; and this jacket's not right!
These trousers are awful!
They're baggy and saggy when they ought to be tight!
Chancellor
Don't worry your Highness!
We'll find something you adore!
But what's this disturbance?
Someone's knocking at the door!
(He goes and opens it. Sly
and Fly enter.)
Sly
(bowing low)
Salutations, Majesty! World-famous
for your knowledge!
Wise above all others, without
even going to college!
Fly
(bowing)
When wisdom is mentioned, all
think of your name!
Clever, smart, intelligent
-- universal your fame!
King
Thank you, my friends! All
your words are true!
It goes without saying! But
say -- just who are you?
Sly
We are inventors of the most
fabulous cloth,
Which neither tears nor stains,
and is invincible to moth!
Fly
But far more important -- you
won't believe your eyes!
Our cloth is only visible to
those who are truly wise!
King
It sounds fantastic! For such
cloth I'd pay you any fee!
Please bring it here at once,
that I may look and see!
Sly
But your Majesty, we have the
cloth right here!
I hope that you can see it!
Or are we to fear?
King
That I'm not wise? I can see
it, of course! No need to ask twice!
Its err wonderful. I mean,
very nice.
Fly
Nice, your Majesty? It's the
most gorgeous sight ever to be seen.
The King of France ordered
several suits and a gown for his queen.
King
(taking the air from Sly)
It is truly lovely! Such colors!
Blue, green, pink!
Tell me, my Chancellor -- what
do you think?
Chancellor
Incredible! Like a rainbow
spread out in the skies!
And how amazing to think --
only seen by the wise!
Sly
That's right! We are all wise
enough to see it sparkling like jewels.
But the best of it is -- it's
invisible to fools!
King
Oh, it's heavenly! I must
have a suit made!
And then I shall wear it at
my next parade!
Fly
(measuring the king with invisible
tape)
From the people who see you
will come gasps and sighs;
And it will be easy to discern
the fools from the wise!
King
Oh, what a laugh! That would
be very funny!
When can you start? But we
haven't talked money?
Sly
Naturally, a cloth such as
this doesn't come cheap.
You'll have to dig in your
pocket, and shall I add, deep?
King
I don't care! I want it!
More than I can say!
Chancellor, increase the taxes!
The people will pay!
Chancellor
As your Majesty wishes! Follow
me, gentlemen, and I'll show you a room
Where you can start work at
once with your shuttle and loom.
(Sly and Fly follow the Chancellor.
The King claps his hands and giggles and skips off in the other
direction.)
Narrator 2
A week went by, and the men
still had not come out,
Though food and drink went
in, and the King began to doubt.
King
I'm dying of impatience! Chancellor,
go and see how much they've done.
I can't wait to wear my clothes,
and then we'll have some fun!
Narrator 1
The Chancellor went to the
chamber and found the men at rest.
But they showed him what they'd
done, which they boasted as their best.
(Sly and Fly pretend to be
sewing and cutting with invisible needle and scissors.)
Sly
This waistcoat is nearly complete,
and then the outfit's made.
We'll be finished by morning,
and expect in cash to be paid.
Fly
Look at this jacket! Do you
like the design?
This fancy stitchwork is a
specialty of mine.
Chancellor
Marvelous! And the buttons
so bright and pink!
Fly
If you look a little closer,
you'll find they're blue, I think.
Chancellor
Oh yes! Of course they're
blue! It's a little dark in here.
Sly
And what about the collar?
Can you see the color clear?
Chancellor
Ah yes! A lovely shade of
turquoise? No -- red!? Or black? Am I seeing right?
Fly
I'm sorry, sir, you're wrong.
As a matter of fact, it's white.
Chancellor
Oh dear! I'm discovered!
Don't inform the King!
Please don't say I'm stupid!
I'll give you anything!
Sly
All the cash that's in your
wallet just might be enough.
We'll try to keep it quiet,
although it could be tough.
(The Chancellor hands over
his cash and hurries off. Sly and Fly shake hands and exit chuckling.)
Narrator 2
Next day the clothes were finished
and presented to the King.
He was so delighted, he almost
began to sing.
King
Splendid! Delightful! I'm
overjoyed! Impressed!
What do you think, Chancellor?
Why stand there so depressed?
Chancellor
Glorious. The patterns. The
colours. All shine with a special glow.
Quite indescribable -- in a
way only the wise can know.
Sly
We're proud you approve of
the fruit of our task.
And before we go -- one last
thing we ask.
Fly
And that's the money -- our
agreed upon fee,
For which we beg on bended
knee.
King
(handing them a bag of money)
Here it is! And this little
extra I add!
You've made me King of Fashion',
and I am more than glad!
Sly
A man of his word! We couldn't
have hoped for less!
Fly
And now with your permission,
we'll help the wise king dress!
King
Go Chancellor! Tell the people
what is to be expected!
If there are fools amongst
them -- they're bound to be detected!
(The Chancellor hurries out
as the King begins to strip, ready to be dressed in the invisible
clothes which Sly and Fly hold ready.)
Narrator 1
The Chancellor went to the
town square to announce the news to the folk,
Still thinking himself a fool
-- not realizing the joke.
Chancellor
Today the King will appear
in amazing new clothes of a perfect fit and size --
Which can only be seen by those
who are wise.
Citizen 1
Here comes the King now! His
clothes are a truly beautiful sight!
Look at the colours! They
would light up the night!
Citizen 2
I've never seen him dressed
so smart!
Look at his Majesty! A living
work of art!
(The King enters and proudly
parades around the square in his underwear. The crowd applauds
and sighs in admiration.)
Boy
(loudly)
Are you all crazy? Do you
have brains the size of ants?
The King's walking around in
nothing but his pants!
(Everybody gasps in shock.)
Citizen 3
The lad is right! How very
rude!
The king is almost in the nude!
(The King stops, embarrassed.)
Boy
Is this some new fashion, current
in the West --
To walk around in public, more
than half undressed?
(The crowd begins to boo and
jeer at the King.)
King
Oh my goodness! How embarrassing!
What a disgrace!
Exposed before my subjects!
I'm crimson in the face!
Chancellor
(grabbing a newspaper)
Quickly! Use this paper to
cover up your shyness!
I'm afraid the boy is right!
You're nearly naked, Highness!
King
(covering himself with newspaper)
How could you let this happen?
Why didn't you let me know?
Where are the tailors who made
the clothes? We mustn't let them go!
Chancellor
They've gone already, Majesty.
Both have run away.
As for the clothes -- I could
see there were none -- but was too afraid to say!
King
You're fired! I'm so ashamed!
How can I hold up my head?
This boy is my only wise subject!
He shall have your job instead!
Boy
Thanks for the offer, Majesty,
but I'd really rather not.
I wouldn't want to work for
you -- you vain, conceited clot!
(The people gasp.)
King
How dare you speak to me like
that! Guards! Arrest this lout!
Guards?! Do you hear? Must
I scream and shout?
Boy
You can shout all you like
-- but they've seen you as you are.
You're neither wise nor worthy
-- I believe you've lost your power.
Citizen 1
The boy is right! Our king's
a fake!
He does nothing for us, but
take, take, take!
Citizen 2
And we let him do it, to our
shame and disgrace!
No more of this stupid, idle
king! Let the boy take his place!
Boy
I refuse. All power corrupts.
But if you really think I'm wise,
You might just do as I advise.
After this King -- why bother
with a sequel?
Enough of being subjects!
Instead, let's all be equal!
(The people cheer.)
Narrator 1
And the people accepted the
boy's wise, simple plan --
No more kings and rulers --
but a brotherhood of Man!
Narrator 2
And to celebrate the dawning
of the happy new age,
They danced and sang together
-- each one a budding sage!
(The people dance and sing
a happy freedom song.)
THE END
Michael Dickinson is an English teacher who lives and
works in Istanbul. He can be reached through his webpage at the
Saatchi
gallery.
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