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As John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt's long awaited "The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy" draws hysterical abuse, former CIA intelligence officers Kathy and Bill Christison define the Lobby's real nature, trace its history, and measure its actual power. Get your copy today by subscribing online or calling 1-800-840-3683 Remember contributions to CounterPunch are tax-deductible. Click here to make a donation. If you find our site useful please: Subscribe Now
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October 1, 2007 Al
Giordano September 29 / 30, 2007 Alexander
Cockburn Uri
Avnery Andrew
Cockburn Jeffrey
St. Clair Wajahat
Ali Andy
Worthington Don
Santina Ralph
Nader Fred
Gardner Seth
Sandronsky Gideon
Levy William
S. Lind Reza
Fiyouzat Richard
Rhames David
Michael Green Zach
Mason Poets'
Basement Website
of the Weekend
September 28, 2007 Kathleen
and Bill Christison Roberto
J. González / Saul
Landau Tom
Clifford Christopher
Brauchli Martha
Rosenberg Dave
Zirin Laray
Polk Binoy
Kampmark James
McEnteer Website
of the Day
September 27, 2007 Alan
Farago Andy
Worthington Jonathan
Cook William
Hughes Ray
McGovern Ron
Jacobs Dave
Lindorff Joshua
Frank Anne
Dachel Website
of the Day
Bill
Quigley Paul
Craig Roberts Jeff
Kisseloff China
Hand Behzad
Yaghmaian Sonja
Karkar Mike
Ferner Col.
Dan Smith Clifton
Ross Brenda
Norrell Website
of the Day
September 25, 2007 Nicole
Colson Uri
Avnery Brendan
Cooney Harry
Browne Marjorie
Cohn David
Macaray Ralph
Nader Dan
Bacher Anthony
Papa Christopher
Ketcham Website
of the Day
September 24, 2007 George
Ciccariello-Maher Saree Makdisi David
Keen Sherwood
Ross Ron
Jacobs Donna
Saggia Mike
Ferner Malini
Johar Schueller Monique
Dols Website
of the Day
Alexander
Cockburn Jennifer
Loewenstein Linn
Washington, Jr. Jeffrey
St. Clair Alan
Farago Brian
Cloughley Robert
Fantina Roxanne
Dunbar-Ortiz Jason
Hribal David
Rosen Mike
Whitney John
V. Walsh Dave
Lindorff David
Michael Green Fred
Gardner Cassandra
Jones Roger
van Zwanenberg Poets'
Basement Website
of the Weekend
September 21, 2007 Karim
Makdisi M.
Shahid Alam Alan
Farago Joshua
Frank Dave
Zirin Kenneth
Couesbouc Dr.
Steffie Woolhandler and Dr. David Himmelstein Ben
Terrall Steve
Fournier Frederico
Fuentes, et al Website
of the Day
September 20, 2007 Kathleen
Christison Zoltan
Grossman Paul
Craig Roberts Stan
Cox Russell
Mokhiber Charles
Modiano Raymond
J. Lawrence Brendan
Cooney Website
of the Day
September 19, 2007 Paul
Craig Roberts Paul
Krassner Sgt.
Martin Smith Seth
Sandronsky Claud
Cockburn Victoria
Buch Robert
Weissman Mike
Ferner Dan
Bacher Website
of the Day
September 18, 2007 Mike
Whitney Alan
Farago John
Ross Ron
Jacobs Alex
Doherty September 17, 2007 Marjorie
Cohn Paul
Craig Roberts Ricardo
Alarcón Marc
Levy Eva
Liddell Website
of the Day Sept. 15-16, 2007 Alexander
Cockburn Vicente
Navarro Mike
Whitney Herman
Mindshaftgap Ellen
Cantarow Jordan
Flaherty Zachary
Hurwitz September 14, 2007 Debbie
Nathan Franklin
Lamb Patrick
Cockburn Farzana
Versey Alan
Farago Hank
Edson September 13, 2007 Patrick
Cockburn Scott
Vest, former Air Force Captain at Minot Andy
Worthington Michael
Baney Dr.
Susan Block September 12, 2007 Paul
Craig Roberts Stan
Goff William
Blum Manuel
Garcia Debbie
Nathan September 11, 2007 Patrick
Cockburn Iain
Boal Michael
Dickinson Guerry
Hoddersen Bill
Hatch Gary
Leupp Website
of the Day September 10, 2007 Uri
Avnery Patrick
Cockburn Saul
Landau and Farrah Hassen David
Michael Green Pius
Adesanmi Betty
Schneider September 8 / 9, 2007 Alexander
Cockburn Saul
Landau Ismael
Hossein-Zadeh Ray
McGovern Matthew
Abraham Alan
Farago Christopher
Brauchli Rannie
Amiri Fred
Gardner James
L. Secor Missy
Comley Beattie Ben
Tripp Francis
Boyle Joe
Allen and Paul D'Amato Website
of the Weekend
Robert
Fantina John
Ross James
Brooks Russell
Mokhiber Joshua
Frank John
Walsh Mark
Brenner Mike
Ferner Website
of the Day
September 6, 2007 Kathleen
and Bill Christison Allan
J. Lichtman Norman
Solomon Yifat
Susskind Catherine
Fenton Laura
Santina Farzana
Versey Yves
Engler Kelly
Overton Michael
Simmons Website
of the Day
September 5, 2007 Stan
Goff Michael
Dickinson Matthew
Abraham Patrick
Cockburn Dave
Lindorff Paul
Craig Roberts Clifton
Ross Elizabeth
Schulte Joseph
Grosso Ben
Terrall Website
of the Day
September 4, 2007 Jean
Bricmont Patrick
Cockburn Ron
Jacobs Tom
Kerr Gary
Leupp Sonja
Karkar Heather
Gray Fidel
Castro Jackie
Corr Sunsara
Taylor Website
of the Day
September 3, 2007 Patrick
Cockburn Eamon
McCann Joshua
Frank Chris
Floyd Marjorie
Cohn Walter
Brasch Matt
Reichel Website
of the Day
September 1 / 2, 2007 Alexander
Cockburn Andy
Worthington Saul
Landau David
Keen Patrick
Cockburn Diana
Johnstone George
Longstreth, MD Linda
M. Woolf Ralph
Nader Fred
Gardner Ben
Tripp David
Michael Green Missy
Comley Beattie Michael
Dickinson Paul
Krassner Ron
Jacobs Poets'
Basement
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October 1, 2007 Honey, I Shrank the Military!Who Put the "Pet" in Petraeus?By SUSIE DAY Congratulations, peace-lover! You have just purchased your first three-inch-high Top U.S. Military Commander! These little Commanders make delightful pets--provided they are no more than three inches tall. Otherwise, these unruly pests can attack sovereign countries, overrun entire populations, and get hold of fissionable material, possibly blowing up the world. We don't think it's good science to fight global warming with nuclear winter. That is why we at "MoveOnYouMurderousThugs.org" have given up our email petitions and phone-in campaigns, and are working with expert gene-splicers to save the earth, using state-of-the-art cuteness. Our motto: "IF YA CAN'T BEAT 'EM, SHRINK 'EM AND SELL 'EM AS PETS!" It's fun and relaxing to observe the pugilistic antics of these tiny creatures, as they scream for help inside a glass jar with holes punched in the lid. And so healthy, too! Seeing your Commander finally out of the Middle East and under your control releases vital antioxidants into your bloodstream. You'll look better, feel better, as you realize that you are no longer forced to stand helplessly by and watch the genocide of yet another non-Christian people. So enjoy your wee warmonger, and look for our line of tiny, bio-engineered Congresspeople, military contractors, and Executive Branch higher-ups--coming soon to pet shops near you!
When you arrive home, your pet will probably be all tuckered out from "ordering" you to let it go. Place it gently inside its cage and allow it to rest in total isolation for a few days. Give it a few drops of water and lots of Drano in its treat cup. Be sure and leave paper on the bottom of its cage. Shredded copies of the Patriot Act will do.
There is a popular myth that three-inch U.S. Military Commanders are difficult to tame--nothing could be further from the truth! Moving slowly and quietly, so as not to startle your pet, reach into its cage and attempt to stroke its medals. Chances are your Commander will snap at you with hurtful epithets such as: "Unhand me, faggot," or "Bitch, you can forget all about that troop reduction timetable." It is time to discipline your pet. Grasping its torso firmly between the thumb and forefinger of your left hand, bring the little fellow out of its cage. Now, slowly and gently crush its tiny head with the thumb of your right hand. Uh-oh--too hard! Bring out the electrical tape and bandage your pet, then hook it up to healing electrodes. Explain to it that thousands of American and Coalition troops are trying to get well in situations far worse than this. Repeat discipline as necessary.
Now you are ready to accessorize. Buy a colorful plastic Habitrail and watch your Pentagon play-toy frolic, just like a real hamster. Then there's the popular "Gitmo" terrarium, which offers a motivating environment in which your pet can endure life-changing encounters with tough GI-Joe guards. Some owners get the most out of their action figures by putting their pets to work, making them run on little wheels that provide "green" power for cars and lawn mowers. Other owners have trained their charges to perform tricks, such as standing for hours on coffee tables, holding amusing wires in their outstretched paws. Still others have lent their Commanders to kids for science projects! The little guys are so cute, trying to figure out which lever releases the pellet and which delivers the electric shock. At the end of a hard day's work, turn on your kitchen blender, so your pet can relax in a stimulating whirlpool bath. Microwave dry.
Always return your pet to its cage and secure the door tightly when you are finished playing. And make sure the cage is made of reinforced steel. Top U.S. Military Commanders have been known to gnaw through bars of lesser metal and get lost for weeks inside attics, basements, and old Frigidaires. Nothing is more repulsive than seeing the wheezing head of some tiny war criminal pop out from your radiator, its tongue all blackened and dangling. They really make a mess, too, if you step on them. Caution: Escapees can be dangerous. One pet Commander ran away from its home in Mission Hills, Kansas. It showed up a week later, dressed in a tasteless Storm Trooper costume, and tried to murder everyone with a cheese grater.
Ridiculous urban legends abound of people who, tired of their tiny Commanders, flushed them down the toilet, where their pets grew into gigantic reptiles, returned through the plumbing, and bit off their owners' genitalia. HA HA! These stories are absolutely true. If your pet has lost its cachet, please do not flush. Neither should you donate it to live bait shops, as this could introduce harmful toxins into our lakes and streams. The most ecological thing to do is to return your pet to our laboratories. There, we will take your Top U.S. Military Commander down to our storage room, place it in a vault containing 655,000 photos of the Iraqi dead, turn out the lights, close the door--and leave. Susie Day can be reached at: sday@skadden.com © Susie Day, 2007
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