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CounterPunch
September
21, 2002
The
Ann Coulter Test
A Handy Just-Plain-Folks
Test
for the Vicious Vixen of the Right
by
CHRIS CLARKE
Dear Ann,
Those snarky coastal leftwingers laugh
when you claim you're in touch with the common man. Here's a
chance for the Saxon Klaxon to make them eat their words! Take
this quiz to prove just how down you are with the folks in flyover
country. It's easy and fun, for anyone who's really spent time
scratching out a living! Ivory tower academics may find it challenging.
Note: since we're not NEA members, there are indeed wrong answers
on this test.
1) The last time you passed the gasoline
filling station to your house, how much were they charging for
a gallon of regular?
2) Name a filling station where it's
cheaper.
3) Freelance writing is a lonely, often
thankless task. But before you became a successful freelance
writer, when you worked in your office at the Center For Individual
Rights, you worked with plenty of people. One of them emptied
your wastebasket every day. What was his or her name?
4) Extra Credit: What was his or her
LAST name?
5) Super Bonus Credit: Describe his or
her family in a short sentence.
6) Multiple choice: Katie Couric is:
a) the affable Eva Braun of the morning
airwaves
b) that nice lady who's on the Willard Scott program
c) who has time to watch TV at that hour? I have to get to work.
7) What is the current federal minimum
wage?
8) What does that come out to per two
weeks, after taxes, for a single person with no dependents?
9) Within 25 cents, what does a box of
name-brand corn flakes cost at the supermarket nearest your house?
10) How much less would the same size
box of house brand corn flakes cost?
11) Complete the following song lyric:
"I'm gonna love you forever, forever and ever amen; As long
as old men sit and talk about the weather; As long as [_________________]"
12) Multiple choice: "Hotdish"
is:
a) a casserole, more or less
b) something they talk about on that NPR show with the Communist
folk music
c) what the waiter says at Chez Jean Pierre in Stamford as he
brings you your coq au vin.
d) Laura Ingraham
13) What does a pink stripe mean on a
utility bill?
14) How many months does it take to get
one?
15) Imagine the National Review had fired
you from a full time, salaried job. How long would your job have
to have lasted for you to qualify for unemployment?
16) What's the maximum length of time
after Jonah Goldberg hands you that pink slip in which you could
collect unemployment benefits?
17) Multiple choice: to the woman who
just refilled your coffee cup, "side work" is:
a) those really hard lat' stretches at
the gym
b) silverware and napkins
c) moonlighting on cable news show
18) What time does the nearest homeless
shelter close its doors each night?
19) You want whole wheat toast or biscuits
and gravy with that?
20) Rank the following three stores in
descending order of price: K-mart, Target, Walmart
21) Final Bonus Question! Complete the
following song lyric: "You look like an angel, walk like
an angel, talk like an angel, but I got wise; [___________________]"
Chris Clarke
is the editor of Faultline,
the online journal about environmental politics in California.
He can be reached at: cclarke@faultline.org
Today's Features
Joan Hoff
Debating
War:
the Forgotten Tradition
Norman Madarasz
Lessons from a Cyncial Master
Jean Chretien's New York
State of Mind
Mitchel Cohen
Toxic Wastes
and
the New World Order
Peter Lee
Why Bush
Wants This War
Bruce Jackson
20 Questions
About Bush's
War Against Arabs
Krystal Kyer
Greenwashing the Marketplace
New
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AAA Will Ever Get;
- Merle Haggard on Civil
Liberties;
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Traficant and Barr;
- National Review Puffs
into Town.
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September
20, 2002
Joan Hoff
Debating
War:
the Forgotten Tradition
Norman Madarasz
Lessons from a Cyncial Master
Jean Chretien's New York
State of Mind
Mitchel Cohen
Toxic Wastes
and
the New World Order
Peter Lee
Why Bush
Wants This War
Bruce Jackson
20 Questions
About Bush's
War Against Arabs
Krystal Kyer
Greenwashing the Marketplace
September
19, 2002
Ron Jacobs
Cheney's
Vermont Breakfast
Ilija Trojanow
/ Ranjit Hoskote
Who Cares
for Human Rights?
It's a "Just" War
Jordy Cummings
How
to Silence
Pro-Palestinian Voices
Salam Rahal
The Rape
of a Nation
Richard Falk
& David Krieger
War with
Iraq:
It's Not Bush's Decision
Ralph Nader
How Congress
Can Fight Corporate Crime
Kurt Nimmo
Bush Senior:
Hating Saddam, Selling Him Weapons
September
18, 2002
Rep. Cynthia
McKinney
Goodbye
to All That
Jeffrey St.
Clair
Cancerous
Air
Born Under a Bad Sky
Ben Tripp
Smoking
Gun
of a Hatchet Job
Peggy Thomson
20 Years
After:
Sabra and Shatila
Thomas Mountain
September
1982
Sabra and Chatila (Poem)
William Cook
Yet Another
Bush Doctrine
Kathleen Christison
Israel's Other Voices
Resources:
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How the CIA's Backing of the Mujahideen Created the World's Most
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by Alexander
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