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CounterPunch
October
1, 2002
The Cockfight
at the Baghdad Corral
by
Dr. SUSAN BLOCK
And so it comes to a head. Finally, the question
of who is the bigger dick--Bush or Saddam--will be determined
once and for all. This is what we mean by "measuring up"
to the War on Terror. Speak softly, loudly or not at all, but
whatever you do, carry a Big Stick, preferably with a 25,000-pound
conventional warhead on the end of it.
Back in '91, it was left largely undecided
as to who wielded the bigger wiener: Saddam the Insane or Bush
the Elder. First, Saddam showed off his thuggish cockiness by
nation-raping Kuwait. Outraged to see another dipstick horning
in on his oil, George the First gathered an international coalition
of agitated nations, and then gangbanged that cocky Iraqi right
out of his poontang. That showed 'em who was the Biggest Dick,
huh?
George I's polls sagged when he pulled
out of Iraq "prematurely" --and ignored our limp economy
to boot!
But the American Commander-in-Chief,
lacking what some called the "balls" to finish the
job, pulled out before the final climax. That is, Saddam did
not die the Little Death (le petit mort--ooh baby) or the Big
One either. Frustrating the hell out of George the Gangbang Leader,
Saddam survived and, though the Iraqi people were decimated by
bombs and sanctions, he prospered. In fact, in terms of sheer
staying power as his nation's head, Saddam outlasted his American
rival by almost a decade, ruling like a king with his long, hard
scepter. Which brings us to Bush Senior's Boy George chomping-at-the-bit
like a stud-out-of-the-stable to finish the job.
This dangerous dick-waving contest is,
in my humble sex therapist's view, at the heart of the reason
why America now teeters on the brink of a New War on Iraq. After
all, what better reason is there?
The reason given by the Great Pretzel
Swallower himself is that Saddam has some kind of Weapons of
Mass Destruction (built from materials he obtained from America
in sunnier times). Probably he does, but so do a lot of other
national leaders, evil maniacs and former allies of the United
States. And just how much of this stuff does Saddam really have?
If his biological weapons stockpile is anything like his '91
scud collection, it's pretty thin. Probably, if he ever actually
showed those UN weapons inspectors his whole secret stash, they
would not be impressed. Saddam strikes me as being the kind of
guy who brags he's got nine inches, then won't let you unzip
his pants for fear you'll laugh at his actual four and a half
(and he'd have to kill you for that).
And yes, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers
and Sinners, there's no denying the man is EVIL, your classic
evil dictator. Like Bush the Younger, Saddam was not elected
to his office. Both are oil men with reputations for sadism.
While Saddam is rumored to have jerked off watching videos of
his enemies being tortured to death, Bush is said to have ridden
a bit taller in his saddle every time a Death Row prisoner was
executed while he was governor of Texas. Saddam even supports
the same terrorist group (MKO) as Bush's own Ayatollah Asscraft.
And, of course, both leaders have been compared to Hitler; Bush
by former German Justice Minister Herta Daubler-Gmelin, Saddam
by all the Bushes. Saddam's moustache does bring him facially
closer to the evil Adolf, while Bush's stature makes him more
Napoleonic (is that why the French won't join the gangbang this
time?).
Still, why attack Iraq, killing and maiming
all those Iraqis? Iraq hasn't attacked anybody in over ten years.
Everyone seems to agree that the alternative to Saddam is massive
chaos and religious fundamentalism like they have in Iran or
like the Taliban. Right now, despite crippling sanctions, Iraq
manages to boast some of the highest levels of education in the
Middle East. The Taliban forbade women from going to school or
showing so much as an earlobe. But Iraq is more of a democracy
than most Arab nations and gives its female citizens more freedom
than any other country in the Middle East except Israel. Do we
prefer the religious autocracy of Iran or the royal family despots
of Saudi Arabia?
Okay, well, then there's 9.11. The Bushies
always try to tie the proposed New War on Iraq into 9.11. But
what exactly is Saddam's relationship to 9.11? Just that he's
another evil camel-jockey?
Speaking of 9.11, what about Osama? Remember
him, the other Big Evil Arab who fucked America in the ass with
our own planes? That HURT. And Osama's dick is still at large,
as is the rest of him. Even with Saddam to distract us, losing
Osama doesn't look good. I mean, Osama is an X-tra Large guy
in more ways than one; how difficult can it be for us to find
him? Where is he? In a cave? In the CIA Witness Protection Program?
In Pakistan? In Peoria? One place he's probably not is Iraq.
At what point did Bush decide that we
didn't have to look for Osama anymore, and that we had to get
Saddam? Is it just because Saddam is easier to find? Or is it
that erection--er, election time is around the corner?
Of course, there is the Wag the Dog factor,
the idea that a BIG NEW WAR on EVIL will distract Americans from
the fact that our economy is limper than Bob Dole without Viagra.
Underlining just how absurd our New War
on Iraq idea is, hardly any other countries in the world are
siding with us on this one. What happened to the joyous international
gangbang of '91? Gone. Like yesterday's condoms. Our New War
on Iraq is viewed around the world as a cold, crude assault by
a tactless brute who couldn't get laid any other way, an oaf
who can't or won't seduce his target with negotiatory words and
gestures, but forces his way in, with no lube and no manners.
It's embarrassing. All the global sympathy
we stirred up when our great phallic edifices (Dick 1 & Dick
2) were castrated by the Terrorist's fiery sword are fading into
resentment, fear & ridicule of America, dick-swinging, bomb-tossing
Bully of the World.
Speak softly, loudly or not at all, but
whatever you do, carry a Big Stick, preferably with a 25,000-pound
conventional warhead on the end of it.
So that's what it comes down to: dicks.
Size does matter. But so does staying power. Hundreds of thousands
of people may die, all over a couple of Dickheads, one of whom
has political blueballs.
Funny things is, I bet Dubya wouldn't
even mind being called a Dickhead. Maybe it's because of his
name, but Bush seems to be a lot more worried about being called
a Pussy. George Dubya Pussy! I'm sure that growing up, other
kids teased him about his last name, and as a sex therapist,
I can appreciate his obsessive need to prove his masculinity
and defend his family name. But should Americans kill and die
for that?
Meanwhile, Saddam the cocky Iraqi, baits
his adversary, defiantly stating that he will not swallow the
U.S.-British proposal imposing tougher U.N. weapons inspectoins.
It's a cockfight all right. With one
difference: These two Dicks won't be the ones doing the dying.
Dr. Susan Block
is a sex educator, host of The Dr. Susan Block Show and author
of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. Visit her website at http://www.drsusanblock.com.
If you'd like to contact Dr. Susan Block
with questions, comments or contributions, please email liberties@blockbooks.com
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September
21 / 22, 2002
Alexander
Cockburn
An Entire
Class
of Thieves
Tom Gorman
The Press & Sabra
and Shatila
Amelia Peltz
Anniversary with Life
in Palestine
Susan Martinez
By the Hand
of the Father
Ben Tripp
Advice from
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Adam Engel
From Above:
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Chris Clarke
The Ann Coulter Test
Tariq Ali
Doing as the
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Mokhiber / Weissman
The Bush Victory
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Ralph Nader
Greed Without Limits
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The Life of Jim Cummings
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Concerned Citizen:
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Lessons from a Cyncial Master Jean
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Toxic Wastes
and
the New World Order
Peter Lee
Why Bush
Wants This War
Bruce Jackson
20 Questions
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War Against Arabs
Krystal Kyer
Greenwashing the Marketplace
September
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Ron Jacobs
Cheney's
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How Congress
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Bush Senior:
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18, 2002
Rep. Cynthia
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Goodbye
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Jeffrey St.
Clair
Cancerous
Air
Born Under a Bad Sky
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Smoking
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20 Years
After:
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September
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Israel's Other Voices
Resources:
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Five
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