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May 3, 2002
Yigal Bronner
A Journey to Beit Jalla
CounterPunch
Wire
Otto
Reich Named to Board of School of the Americas
John Troyer
Hatemongers Try to Cleanse History:
Gays and 9/11
John Stauber
Big
Food/Tobacco/Booze
Attacks "Mad Cow" Authors
Kathleen Christison
Before There Was Terrorism
May 2, 2002
CounterPunch
Wire
Rep.
Dick Armey Calls for Ethnic Cleansing of Palestinians
Rami Kaplan
Israeli Soldiers Resisting
the Occupation:
Why We Refuse to Fight
Carol
Norris
Subterranean
Mini-Nuke Blues
Bernard Weiner
A Peek Inside Colin Powell's Personal
Diary
May 1, 2002
Badiou,
Michel, Lazarus
French
Elections:
What is to be Done?
Baruch Kimmerling
The Battle of Jenin as
an Inter-Ethnic War
Edward
Hammond
Hiding
History:
NAS Suppresses Chem/Bio War Documents
Kristen Schurr
Inside Gaza
Sam Bahour
Corporate
America and
the Israeli Occupation
Jacques Ranciere
Prisoners of the Infinite
April 30, 2002
Mike Leon
Chomsky,
Letters to the Writer and the Peace Movement
Dave Marsh
The FBI and the Music
Industry: Paying the Cost to Feed the Boss
Steen
Sohn
Something
Rotten in Denmark:
New Danish Government's Alliance with Far Right
Desmond Tutu
Apartheid in the Holy Land
Christopher
Reilly
Kissinger:
the Wanted Man
April 29, 2002
Larry Hales
At the Church of the Nativity
Michael
Colby
The
Times Does Brockovich:
Ralph Nader with Cleavage?
CounterPunch Wire
Bank Robs Publisher,
Vows to Repeat
Gavin
Keeney
So
Long, Frank O. Gehry?
April 28, 2002
Michael Neumann
The Jewish Left and Palestine
April 27, 2002
Dr. Susan
Block
Adelphia
Going Down:
Cover Ups, Censorship
and Naughty Accounting
Jordy Cummings
Stuck Inside the Journalism School
Pyramid
Jeffrey
St. Clair
Set
This Flag on Fire!
April 26, 2002
Tom Turnipseed
Act
Now to Stop the Killing
of an Innocent Man
Mokhiber
/ Weissman
Anti-Bribery
Law Takes a Hit
Tariq Ali
Letter to a Young Muslim
April 25, 2002
Francis
A. Boyle
Home
Brew? Biowarfare,
Terror Weapons and the US
Adam Federman
"And the Earth Wept"
Bush at Saranac Lake
Stanton
and Madsen
US
Media Interests:
Champions of Profit, Propaganda and Puffery
Aaron Hawley
Cop a Buzz Day in Vermont:
Education v. Incarceration
David
Vest
Code
Red: Politics and Wordplay at the Vatican
Bernard Weiner
Time Out! A Pause for Longer-Range
Thinking
Rep. Dennis
Kucinich
Standing
with the Peace Movement
April 24, 2002
David Vest
State of Politics in France:
Code Bleu
Jean Fallow
A20
in Seattle:
Cops Get Rough, Again
Kevin Alexander Gray
Help Save the Life of an Innocent Man:
Ask for Clemency for Ricky Johnson
Tanya
Reinhart
Jenin,
the Propaganda Battle
Todd May
Drowning Children, Palestinians and American
Responsibility
Alexander
Cockburn
The
Loneliest Road
Nir Rosen
The Broken Home:
Revisiting Israel
Mokhiber
/ Weissman
A
Big Blow to Big Tobacco
April 23, 2002
Brian Wood
Where Is the Aid for the Victims in
Jenin?
John Chuckman
I,
George:
Gomer as Claudius
Norman Madarasz
French Presidential Elections
Absenteeism and Le Pen
Dr. Susan
Block
Bernard
Parks, Goodbye:
A Farewell to My Chief
Joan Smith
Who Will Rid Us of
These Pedophile Priests?
April 22, 2002
CounterPunch
Wire
EPA
Ombudsman Resigns
in Protest
Dave Marsh
DeskScan: What's Playing
at My House This Week
Ron Jacobs
A20
in DC: Taking the
Message to the Beast's Belly
Kathy Kelly
An Open Letter to
Israeli Soldiers
Irit Katriel
Word
Games and Body Bags
Rep. Cynthia McKinney
We Come for Peace
Daniel
Bar-Tal
Is
There a Way Out?
Occupation, Terror
and Understanding
David Wilson
A Week of Coups, But Now
The Freedom Train Hits Town
Shaik
Ubaid
Today
I Was a Palestinian
April 21, 2002
Michelle Campos
Suckered Again in Israel
Mike Leon
200,000
in DC Protest Say:
"We Are All Palestinians Today"
C.G. Estabrook
Sex and Power in Catholicism
Kathy
Kelly
Gimme
Some Truth Now
A Walk Through Jenin
Resources:
100s of Links
About 9/11
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Coverage of 9/11 and Its Aftermath
Five
Days That
Shook The World:
Seattle and Beyond
By Alexander
Cockburn
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Whiteout:
CIA, Drugs & the
Press
by Alexander
Cockburn
and Jeffrey St. Clair
The New Crusade:
America's War on Terrorism
By Rahul Mahajan
The Memphis Blues Again:
Six Decades of Memphis Music Photographs
Photos by Ernest Withers
Text by Daniel Wolff
The New Intifada:
Resisting Israel's Apartheid
Edited by Roane Carey
A Pocket Guide to
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May
4, 2002
The New United States of Israel
by Sam Bahour
President Bush astonished even his closest advisors
today by issuing a Presidential Decree announcing that the State
of Israel has become the 51st state of the union. Additionally,
President Bush declared that he was renaming the union itself
to the "New United States of Israel."
When asked by CNN's White House Correspondent
Wolf Blitzer how he could justify a new state in the union which
is so geographically distant, President Bush replied, "It
seems you have forgotten that Hawaii is not attached to our land
mass and Alaska is connected to Canada, not America. Having our
new state connected to the Middle East is a minor inconvenience
for their representatives with regard to travel, but as you are
aware most of the house and senate members are there, physically
or mentally, most of the year so it will not be a problem."
House Republican Majority Leader Dick
Armey (R-TX) refused to be interviewed on camera but mentioned
that President Bush joked the other day at a Republican party
working breakfast when he asked how Americans would react to
moving Congress to Jerusalem. Armey stuttered while defending
President Bush by speculating that the President probably felt
that "the new state's national guard, previously called
Israeli Defense Forces, were in a better position to provide
security to Congress given they are already armed to the teeth
with the latest US armaments and have a nearby environmentally-accepted
military testing ground, namely the West Bank."
A leading Homeland Security military
analyst close to President Bush, who requested to remain anonymous,
responded to questions regarding the "transfer" by
saying, "By moving Congress to Jerusalem President Bush
would be making a strategic move to fight terror. Our intelligence
sources have confirmed that Al-Qaeda and Ossama Bin Laden have
all of their coordinates already set on DC. In three months,
the move to Jerusalem would be complete and Bin Laden would have
to start all over again. This disruption to Bin Laden's planning
will definitely take longer to recover from than the President's
term in office. President Bush is to be commended on safeguarding
one of our most precious national institutions."
When President Bush was asked why he
felt it was necessary to change the name of the United States
of America he snapped back in a hesitating voice saying, "What
the hell is the difference! We built the USA on Native American
Indian soil and they built Israel on Native Palestinian soil.
We speak English and they speak English. We both came to 'a land
with no people, for a people with no land.' Furthermore, most
of our accounts are managed from Israel. If you don't believe
me call your representatives and senators and ask them. Better
yet, dial 1-800-CALL-AIPAC and they can tell you all about how
our government's 401K plan works."
Following the President's press conference,
CEO Glen Barton from Caterpillar, a heavy equipment manufacture,
stated that all Israeli settlements in the West Bank were strictly
built to US Building Code specifications. Mr. Barton stated,
"these beautiful, hilltop residential areas would serve
as perfect neighborhoods for congresspersons and senators. Plus,
they were all built with equipment made right here in the USA."
National Security experts noted that
these Israeli settlement neighborhoods, formally illegal obstacles
to peace, are much safer than downtown DC and they did not see
the security risks of this landmark decision to relocate Congress
as a major obstacle.
Religious leaders throughout the US praised
the President's moves and looked forward to these developments
bringing an end to the crisis at the Church of Nativity in Bethlehem.
The Vatican issued an upbeat statement in 67 languages saying,
"American leadership has ensured that Bethlehem will be
rebuilt in time for the Year 3000 Millennium celebrations."
Palestinian President Yasir Arafat was
interviewed from his hospital bed, where he was being treated
for hyperventilation after hearing the news. Arafat said, "President
Bush asked me to earn his respect by leading. Well, I now announce
that the State of Palestine is declared in the State of Texas.
As of our arrival in Texas in 6 days, all Texans will be subjected
to Palestinian military occupation and kindly asked to take refuge
on the Mexican border. I urge all not to panic. I expect in a
short 35 years we will be in a position to discuss holding an
international conference to discuss a long-term interim agreement
that will result in the loss of your right to return to your
homes and the loss of your right to freedom and independence,
but we will, and I repeat, we will allow you to establish a viable
Texan state in Mexico as long as it is not built on corruption."
Israeli Foreign Minister Shimon Peres
was contacted for comments but his office reported that he had
taken his entire extended family, along with New York Times foreign
affairs columnist Thomas Friedman, on vacation to Saudi Arabia
and would not be available for comment until next week.
Sam Bahour
is a Palestinian-American businessman living in the besieged
Palestinian City of Al-Bireh/Ramallah in the West Bank and can
be reached at sbahour@palnet.com.
This satirical article was written after a series of US moves
in support of Israel that were made while Israel was committing
war crimes against Palestinians.
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