FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Tase That Tot!

by

In a recent poll of police chiefs in cities across the United States, a full 95% “very strongly agreed” with the proposed policy of police officers using tasers to control toddlers having temper tantrums. (Polling conducted by Alliterative, Fallacious Polling, Inc., margin of error, +/- 100%.) The chiefs, who all refused to be identified by name for this article, pointed to an “uppity citizenry” who need to be “intimidated, physically abused, and irretrievably traumatized into cowering submission” as their justification.

Rank and file officers agree. “I mean, just look at what happened to me last year,” said an officer who was at the scene of the tasering of an 8-year old child in South Dakota. “It was terrifying,” continued the officer. “I can’t believe it: I just found out the family is now suing. I mean, what would you have done in our shoes? It was four adult, armed police officers versus an 8-year-old girl wielding a paring knife, for chrissakes. We called the SWAT Team for back up, but they were at the local retirement home extricating a domino from the hands of a 96-year-old, severely arthritic woman who refused to play her turn in a game of dominos. She has done this more than once and her pattern of dissension had to be stopped. This is yet another example of why we need to apply brutal police force early in people’s lives so it never escalates to this point.” The officer requested not to be identified for fear the little South Dakota girl’s friends would ride their bicycles to his home and throw Legos and Barbie clothes at him in retribution.

When asked about the growing practice of police officers dressing in military garb creating an “us vs. them,” citizens-as-the-enemy atmosphere, one police chief stated, “Pffft, you think we’re gonna go out there and ‘protect and serve’? You want us to ‘relate’ to the people, hear their concerns, and maybe think about how our militarized tactics trigger survival instincts to counter our attacks? I know there are some pansy cops like that out there, but not on my team! What are we, a bunch of flippin’ Andy Griffiths doing ‘good’ for the people?”

“Obama being president has given these young black guys ideas,” chimed in another officer. The Ferguson police department has it right. Racial profiling is smart, efficient policing. Sometimes you have to use deadly force on unarmed citizens. Our department’s policy is to shoot first. Asking questions is for psychotherapists and needy wives. Police forces with tanks and submachine guns and concussion grenades don’t need to ask questions.”

An off duty patrol cop being interviewed at a local burger joint who was busily trying to propel a cheeseburger through a slit in his riot helmet said, “Did you see that USA Today article? It reported, per an FBI report, that in the US nearly two times a week a white police officer killed a black person during a seven-year period ending in 2012. And those are just the killings reported, and who knows about the supposed ‘unjustifiable’ ones? Only two-plus killings a week? We seriously need to up our game.”

Betting on the effectiveness of early subjugation, toddler tasing has already been implemented in one police department. The self-described “politically correct ” police chief who spearheaded the effort said, “We are proud of our Toddler Tasing Initiative. Damn proud. Getting citizens to habituate to the egregious overuse of police force can never start too early.  Of course, we haven’t tased white toddlers from any wealthy families, only toddlers of color and from poor families. But, I want people to hear loud and clear that we do not discriminate. Regardless of skin color or socioeconomic status, if your child is having a temper tantrum, don’t hesitate to call us and we will come out and taser him or her for you. It’s what we’re here for. It’s part of our community policing duties,” he said, waving his taser in the air and presumably smiling, though it was hard for this reporter to discern his facial features because of his camo face paint.

“Is the current trend of ‘out of control, militarized use of force by police officers’ justified?” said a new police recruit training officer, laughing and making air quotes. “We don’t need to justify a damn thing we do. Ever. This is the United States of America.”

Carol Norris is a freelance writer and satirist, psychotherapist, and long-time political activist. 

Carol Norris is a psychotherapist, freelance writer, and longtime political activist.

More articles by:
June 28, 2016
Jonathan Cook
The Neoliberal Prison: Brexit Hysteria and the Liberal Mind
Paul Street
Bernie, Bakken, and Electoral Delusion: Letting Rich Guys Ruin Iowa and the World
Anthony DiMaggio
Fatally Flawed: the Bi-Partisan Travesty of American Health Care Reform
Mike King
The “Free State of Jones” in Trump’s America: Freedom Beyond White Imagination
Antonis Vradis
Stop Shedding Tears for the EU Monster: Brexit, the View From the Peloponnese
Omar Kassem
The End of the Atlantic Project: Slamming the Brakes on the Neoliberal Order
Binoy Kampmark
Brexit and the Neoliberal Revolt Against Jeremy Corbyn
Ruth Hopkins
Save Bear Butte: Mecca of the Lakota
Celestino Gusmao
Time to End Impunity for Suharto’’s Crimes in Indonesia and Timor-Leste
Thomas Knapp
SCOTUS: Amply Serving Law Enforcement’s Interests versus Society’s
Manuel E. Yepe
Capitalism is the Opposite of Democracy
Winslow Myers
Up Against the Wall
Chris Ernesto
Bernie’s “Political Revolution” = Vote for Clinton and the Neocons
Stephanie Van Hook
The Time for Silence is Over
Ajamu Nangwaya
Toronto’s Bathhouse Raids: Racialized, Queer Solidarity and Police Violence
June 27, 2016
Robin Hahnel
Brexit: Establishment Freak Out
James Bradley
Omar’s Motive
Gregory Wilpert – Michael Hudson
How Western Military Interventions Shaped the Brexit Vote
Leonard Peltier
41 Years Since Jumping Bull (But 500 Years of Trauma)
Rev. William Alberts
Orlando: the Latest Victim of Radicalizing American Imperialism
Patrick Cockburn
Brexiteers Have Much in Common With Arab Spring Protesters
Franklin Lamb
How 100 Syrians, 200 Russians and 11 Dogs Out-Witted ISIS and Saved Palmyra
John Grant
Omar Mateen: The Answers are All Around Us
Dean Baker
In the Wake of Brexit Will the EU Finally Turn Away From Austerity?
Ralph Nader
The IRS and the Self-Minimization of Congressman Jason Chaffetz
Johan Galtung
Goodbye UK, Goodbye Great Britain: What Next?
Martha Pskowski
Detained in Dilley: Deportation and Asylum in Texas
Binoy Kampmark
Headaches of Empire: Brexit’s Effect on the United States
Dave Lindorff
Honest Election System Needed to Defeat Ruling Elite
Louisa Willcox
Delisting Grizzly Bears to Save the Endangered Species Act?
Jason Holland
The Tragedy of Nothing
Jeffrey St. Clair
Revolution Reconsidered: a Fragment (Guest Starring Bernard Sanders in the Role of Robespierre)
Weekend Edition
June 24, 2016
Friday - Sunday
John Pilger
A Blow for Peace and Democracy: Why the British Said No to Europe
Pepe Escobar
Goodbye to All That: Why the UK Left the EU
Michael Hudson
Revolts of the Debtors: From Socrates to Ibn Khaldun
Andrew Levine
Summer Spectaculars: Prelude to a Tea Party?
Kshama Sawant
Beyond Bernie: Still Not With Her
Mike Whitney
¡Basta Ya, Brussels! British Voters Reject EU Corporate Slavestate
Tariq Ali
Panic in the House: Brexit as Revolt Against the Political Establishment
Paul Street
Miranda, Obama, and Hamilton: an Orwellian Ménage à Trois for the Neoliberal Age
Ellen Brown
The War on Weed is Winding Down, But Will Monsanto Emerge the Winner?
Gary Leupp
Why God Created the Two-Party System
Conn Hallinan
Brexit Vote: a Very British Affair (But Spain May Rock the Continent)
Ruth Fowler
England, My England
Jeffrey St. Clair
Lines Written on the Occasion of Bernie Sanders’ Announcement of His Intention to Vote for Hillary Clinton
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail