FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Kim Kardashian and the Fiscal Cliff

by CHARLES R. LARSON

Celebrity hog, Kim Kardashian, startled the world on Sunday night by announcing that she is pregnant.

This news—of more interest to most Americans than the fiscal cliff—has surprised the nation because no Kardashian has ever been pregnant before (including Kim’s mother).

“I haven’t had any morning sickness,” Kim observed, implying that becoming a mother will be a snap.  No problem.  She’s going to love breast feeding, changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night innumerable times.  She’s going to love taking care of her child, not going out partying until the wee hours.  She’s ecstatic about losing her shape, about her complexion losing its shine.

And just think, if the baby is a girl, Kim can dress her exactly like herself, enter her in baby beauty contests, have her incorporated and continue the franchise of vacuousness into the next generation.  The baby—we’ll call her Kim, Jr.—will be able to emulate all of her mother’s amazing talents for grabbing attention, dominating the media, and living well as a role model for the millions and millions of her mother’s followers who would rather be Kim Kardashian than be themselves.

Though Kanye West, the alleged father, has already pontificated about the pregnancy (“Make some noise for the baby mama!”), Donald Trump was overheard whispering to Mitch McConnell, “It can’t have been that West creep.  I can assure you about that.”

Others are convinced that Kim’s state—if true—is more likely the world’s second Immaculate Conception.  If proven to be true (that Kim, Sr., is in fact a virgin) the bankable proceeds from the Kardashian franchise will be enormous, incalculable.

What a stupendous achievement this will be for her, adding to her many accomplishments as Rhodes Scholar, Nobel Prize winner, and high school graduate.

After Kim announced her pregnancy Sunday night on Twatter, the site crashed for several hours because of her billions of fans, hurrying to read the details immediately after they learned of this New Year’s miracle.

Charles R. Larson—CounterPunch’s resident curmudgeon—has been following Kim Kardashian’s astronomical career for several days.

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

Weekend Edition
August 26, 2016
Friday - Sunday
Louisa Willcox
The Unbearable Killing of Yellowstone’s Grizzlies: 2015 Shatters Records for Bear Deaths
Paul Buhle
In the Shadow of the CIA: Liberalism’s Big Embarrassing Moment
Rob Urie
Crisis and Opportunity
Charles Pierson
Wedding Crashers Who Kill
Richard Moser
What is the Inside/Outside Strategy?
Dirk Bezemer – Michael Hudson
Finance is Not the Economy
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Bernie’s Used Cars
Margaret Kimberley
Hillary and Colin: the War Criminal Charade
Patrick Cockburn
Turkey’s Foray into Syria: a Gamble in a Very Dangerous Game
Ishmael Reed
Birther Tries to Flim Flam Blacks  
Brian Terrell
What Makes a Hate Group?
Andrew Levine
How Donald Trump Can Still be a Hero: Force the Guardians of the Duopoly to Open Up the Debates
Howard Lisnoff
Trouble in Political Paradise
Terry Tempest Williams
Will Our National Parks Survive the Next 100 Years?
Ben Debney
The Swimsuit that Overthrew the State
Ashley Smith
Anti-imperialism and the Syrian Revolution
Andrew Stewart
Did Gore Throw the 2000 Election?
Vincent Navarro
Is the Nation State and Its Welfare State Dead? a Critique of Varoufakis
John Wight
Syria’s Kurds and the Wages of Treachery
Lawrence Davidson
The New Anti-Semitism: the Case of Joy Karega
Mateo Pimentel
The Affordable Care Act: A Litmus Test for American Capitalism?
Roger Annis
In Northern Syria, Turkey Opens New Front in its War Against the Kurds
David Swanson
ABC Shifts Blame from US Wars to Doctors Without Borders
Norman Pollack
American Exceptionalism: A Pernicious Doctrine
Ralph Nader
Readers Think, Thinkers Read
Julia Morris
The Mythologies of the Nauruan Refugee Nation
George Wuerthner
Caving to Ranchers: the Misguided Decision to Kill the Profanity Wolf Pack
Ann Garrison
Unworthy Victims: Houthis and Hutus
Julian Vigo
Britain’s Slavery Legacy
John Stanton
Brzezinski Vision for a Power Sharing World Stymied by Ignorant Americans Leaders, Citizens
Philip Doe
Colorado: 300 Days of Sunshine Annually, Yet There’s No Sunny Side of the Street
Joseph White
Homage to EP Thompson
Dan Bacher
The Big Corporate Money Behind Jerry Brown
Kollibri terre Sonnenblume
DNC Playing Dirty Tricks on WikiLeaks
Ron Jacobs
Education for Liberation
Jim Smith
Socialism Revived: In Spite of Bernie, Donald and Hillary
David Macaray
Organized Labor’s Inferiority Complex
David Cortright
Alternatives to Military Intervention in Syria
Binoy Kampmark
The Terrors of Free Speech: Australia’s Racial Discrimination Act
Cesar Chelala
Guantánamo’s Quagmire
Nyla Ali Khan
Hoping Against Hope in Kashmir
William Hughes
From Sam Spade to the Red Scare: Dashiell Hammett’s War Against Rightwing Creeps
Raouf Halaby
Dear Barack Obama, Please Keep it at 3 for 3
Charles R. Larson
Review: Paulina Chiziane’s “The First Wife: a Tale of Polygamy”
David Yearsley
The Widow Bach: Anna Magdalena Rediscovered
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail