FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Kim Kardashian and the Fiscal Cliff

by CHARLES R. LARSON

Celebrity hog, Kim Kardashian, startled the world on Sunday night by announcing that she is pregnant.

This news—of more interest to most Americans than the fiscal cliff—has surprised the nation because no Kardashian has ever been pregnant before (including Kim’s mother).

“I haven’t had any morning sickness,” Kim observed, implying that becoming a mother will be a snap.  No problem.  She’s going to love breast feeding, changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night innumerable times.  She’s going to love taking care of her child, not going out partying until the wee hours.  She’s ecstatic about losing her shape, about her complexion losing its shine.

And just think, if the baby is a girl, Kim can dress her exactly like herself, enter her in baby beauty contests, have her incorporated and continue the franchise of vacuousness into the next generation.  The baby—we’ll call her Kim, Jr.—will be able to emulate all of her mother’s amazing talents for grabbing attention, dominating the media, and living well as a role model for the millions and millions of her mother’s followers who would rather be Kim Kardashian than be themselves.

Though Kanye West, the alleged father, has already pontificated about the pregnancy (“Make some noise for the baby mama!”), Donald Trump was overheard whispering to Mitch McConnell, “It can’t have been that West creep.  I can assure you about that.”

Others are convinced that Kim’s state—if true—is more likely the world’s second Immaculate Conception.  If proven to be true (that Kim, Sr., is in fact a virgin) the bankable proceeds from the Kardashian franchise will be enormous, incalculable.

What a stupendous achievement this will be for her, adding to her many accomplishments as Rhodes Scholar, Nobel Prize winner, and high school graduate.

After Kim announced her pregnancy Sunday night on Twatter, the site crashed for several hours because of her billions of fans, hurrying to read the details immediately after they learned of this New Year’s miracle.

Charles R. Larson—CounterPunch’s resident curmudgeon—has been following Kim Kardashian’s astronomical career for several days.

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550

zen economics

March 28, 2017
Mike Whitney
Ending Syria’s Nightmare will Take Pressure From Below 
Mark Kernan
Memory Against Forgetting: the Resonance of Bloody Sunday
John McMurtry
Fake News: the Unravelling of US Empire From Within
Ron Jacobs
Mad Dog, Meet Eris, Queen of Strife
Michael J. Sainato
State Dept. Condemns Attacks on Russian Peaceful Protests, Ignores Those in America
Ted Rall
Five Things the Democrats Could Do to Save Their Party (But Probably Won’t)
Linn Washington Jr.
Judge Neil Gorsuch’s Hiring Practices: Privilege or Prejudice?
Philippe Marlière
Benoît Hamon, the Socialist Presidential Hopeful, is Good News for the French Left
Norman Pollack
Political Cannibalism: Eating America’s Vitals
Bruce Mastron
Obamacare? Trumpcare? Why Not Cubacare?
David Macaray
Hollywood Screen and TV Writers Call for Strike Vote
Christian Sorensen
We’ve Let Capitalism Kill the Planet
Rodolfo Acuna
What We Don’t Want to Know
Binoy Kampmark
The Futility of the Electronics Ban
Andrew Moss
Why ICE Raids Imperil Us All
March 27, 2017
Robert Hunziker
A Record-Setting Climate Going Bonkers
Frank Stricker
Why $15 an Hour Should be the Absolute Minimum Minimum Wage
Melvin Goodman
The Disappearance of Bipartisanship on the Intelligence Committees
Patrick Cockburn
ISIS’s Losses in Syria and Iraq Will Make It Difficult to Recruit
Russell Mokhiber
Single-Payer Bernie Morphs Into Public Option Dean
Gregory Barrett
Can Democracy Save Us?
Dave Lindorff
Budget Goes Military
John Heid
Disappeared on the Border: “Chase and Scatter” — to Death
Mark Weisbrot
The Troubling Financial Activities of an Ecuadorian Presidential Candidate
Robert Fisk
As ISIS’s Caliphate Shrinks, Syrian Anger Grows
Michael J. Sainato
Democratic Party Continues Shunning Popular Sanders Surrogates
Paul Bentley
Nazi Heritage: the Strange Saga of Chrystia Freeland’s Ukrainian Grandfather
Christopher Ketcham
Buddhism in the Storm
Thomas Barker
Platitudes in the Wake of London’s Terror Attack
Mike Hastie
Insane Truths: a Vietnam Vet on “Apocalypse Now, Redux”
Binoy Kampmark
Cyclone Watch in Australia
Weekend Edition
March 24, 2017
Friday - Sunday
Michael Hudson
Trump is Obama’s Legacy: Will this Break up the Democratic Party?
Eric Draitser
Donald Trump and the Triumph of White Identity Politics
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Nothing Was Delivered
Andrew Levine
Ryan’s Choice
Joshua Frank
Global Coal in Freefall, Tar Sands Development Drying Up (Bad News for Keystone XL)
Anthony DiMaggio
Ditching the “Deep State”: The Rise of a New Conspiracy Theory in American Politics
Rob Urie
Boris and Natasha Visit Fantasy Island
John Wight
London and the Dreary Ritual of Terrorist Attacks
Paul Buhle
The CIA and the Intellectuals…Again
David Rosen
Why Did Trump Target Transgender Youth?
Vijay Prashad
Inventing Enemies
Ben Debney
Outrage From the Imperial Playbook
M. Shadee Malaklou
An Open Letter to Duke University’s Class of 2007, About Your Open Letter to Stephen Miller
Michael J. Sainato
Bernie Sanders’ Economic Advisor Shreds Trumponomics
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail