FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Save the Billionaires

by JOE GIAMBRONE

Frantically, we storm the halls of power, indignant and terrified. These socialistic cretins, most of whom we installed in power in the first place, seem to be flirting with the idea of raising taxes upon our hard-won entrepreneurial accomplishments, the good works that Jesus smiles upon on his throne beside Ayn Rand.

In America people of the better classes are taxed at monstrously unfair rates, approaching 15% of income! Even the heroic presidential candidate Mitt Romney was coerced into paying a full 13.9% in 2010!

How can one seriously finance sweatshops in Malaysia while the rapacious Uncle Sam rips the lifeblood from our accounts before we can stow it away in offshore shelters? Where is our shelter from this storm of the century? This perfect storm of the slave classes refusing to just die off under our highly-rational austerity regimen?

It’s the Kenyan’s fault!

Now I’m not a racist, but never trust a dark-skinned lackey who takes billions in a quid pro quo arrangement to win the office, and then refuses to take orders like a sniveling, sold-out bootlicker is expected to do. Rest assured, the better classes don’t get mad. We get even.

We had this system wrapped up in gold leaf, tied crisply in a Christmas bow, and we shall have it again my friends. The demise of Romney brought tears falling down onto many a cigar, but rejoice my brethren, we can hire another hollow-shell meat puppet in the next round.

Perhaps it’s time for an android candidate, as has been foretold. Make him a sports legend, a pop star, a movie leading man, a family man, a Mormon Bishop – no scratch that – but some slight resemblance to white anglo-Jesus is a definite plus. What if the new Jesus was a Navy Seal baby-saving bodybuilder computer genius who invented the bestest new phone thingy to tap on? The drooling masses would cut off their first born’s right arms to install our android in the oval office, no? He should talk tough, but have baby eyes. Wear a gun, but only blast terrorists. Maybe his presidential campaign can be a reality show set in the middle east where Jesus Smith hunts down Al Qaeda personally, executing America’s enemies unflinchingly while kissing babies and feeding the poor as he bivouacs from forward operating base to base? I’ll have my people register the fan club domain name.

Jesus Smith should write a book: American Exceptionalism, the Religion. For this is essentially a religious question, as the filthy masses attempt to raise our taxes by a couple of percentage points. Can you imagine the devastation this will work on our portfolios? If only the fiscal cliff were a real cliff, and we could simply bulldoze the poor over the side. What sort of a society is this?

Across America, the disgusting elderly and disabled take and take from us, and it has to end. Recklessly sucking up their Social Security checks, which they supposedly paid into their entire working lives, to squander on housing and food, electricity and numerous medications! It is simply outrageous the amounts of money, in the aggregate, that these classes take for themselves, when our class could do so much more with the funds. Is there an elite economist who disagrees? It’s madness, surely. We cannot despise them for their longevity. But we do, of course. They should just know when to exit the stage, like any b rate actor, for God’s sake.

Should taxes rise one single, solitary penny, it will be the Apocalypse, true Armageddon. Despite our wealth exploding relative to the mob, our near vertical growth on the charts of glory, any attempt whatsoever to tamper down our success is an affront to God. Did not the Son of God, Himself, say, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesars?”

Well we’re Caesar! Get it through your blockheads. We are Caesar. It’s ours. We don’t share. We don’t play fair. We don’t care. How much do we want? All of it. How much is enough? There is no number high enough. Society is built around the idea of infinite wealth for us, no matter what that means to the rest of the planet. If you challenge this idea, you will be destroyed one way or another.

We prefer to destroy by passing legislation. It creates less blowback. But we’ll move to the armed clampdown and military option if need be. Our class simply has tasted too much power and wealth to look back now. We’ve flown too close to the sun, and things can only get hotter.

Forget your anachronistic devotion to outdated concepts like “Democracy” and “Freedom.” Those were never meant to be taken seriously. Those are simply the buzzwords we tell your children to get them to shut the fuck up. Your Democracy is to install our android. Your Freedom is to report to work Monday morning and take orders without uttering one God damned syllable that we might find objectionable. We’ve been investing deeply in prison labor as well, and that’s starting to look like a high growth industry. Lots of upside, and very little risk. Laws get passed, not repealed. Do the math.

And remember Jesus saves. Sounds like a good campaign slogan.

Joe Giambrone is a filmmaker and author of Hell of a Deal: A Supernatural Satire. He edits The Political Film Blog, which welcomes submissions. polfilmblog at gmail.

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550

zen economics

Weekend Edition
February 17, 2017
Friday - Sunday
David Price
Rogue Elephant Rising: The CIA as Kingslayer
Matthew Stevenson
Is Trump the Worst President Ever?
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Flynn?
John Wight
Brexit and Trump: Why Right is Not the New Left
Diana Johnstone
France: Another Ghastly Presidential Election Campaign; the Deep State Rises to the Surface
Neve Gordon
Trump’s One-State Option
Roger Harris
Emperor Trump Has No Clothes: Time to Organize!
Joan Roelofs
What Else is Wrong with Globalization
Andrew Levine
Why Trump’s Muslim Travel Ban?
Mike Whitney
Blood in the Water: the Trump Revolution Ends in a Whimper
Vijay Prashad
Trump, Turmoil and Resistance
Ron Jacobs
U.S. Imperial War Personified
David Swanson
Can the Climate Survive Adherence to War and Partisanship?
Andre Vltchek
Governor of Jakarta: Get Re-elected or Die!
Patrick Cockburn
The Coming Destruction of Mosul
Norman Pollack
Self-Devouring Reaction: Governmental Impasse
Steve Horn
What Do a Louisiana Pipeline Explosion and Dakota Access Pipeline Have in Common? Phillips 66
Brian Saady
Why Corporations are Too Big to Jail in the Drug War
Graham Peebles
Ethiopia: Peaceful Protest to Armed Uprising
Luke Meyer
The Case of Tony: Inside a Lifer Hearing
Binoy Kampmark
Adolf, The Donald and History
Robert Koehler
The Great American Awakening
Murray Dobbin
Canadians at Odds With Their Government on Israel
Fariborz Saremi
A Whole New World?
Joyce Nelson
Japan’s Abe, Trump & Illegal Leaks
Christopher Brauchli
Trump 1, Tillerson 0
Yves Engler
Is This Hate Speech?
Dan Bacher
Trump Administration Exempts Three CA Oil Fields From Water Protection Rule at Jerry Brown’s Request
Richard Klin
Solid Gold
Melissa Garriga
Anti-Abortion and Anti-Fascist Movements: More in Common Than Meets the Eye
Thomas Knapp
The Absurd Consequences of a “Right to Privacy”
W. T. Whitney
The Fate of Prisoner Simón Trinidad, as Seen by His U. S. Lawyer
Brian Platt
Don’t Just Oppose ICE Raids, Tear Down the Whole Racist Immigration Enforcement Regime
Paul Cantor
Refugee: the Compassionate Mind of Egon Schwartz
Norman Richmond
The Black Radical Tradition in Canada
Barton Kunstler
Rallying Against the Totalitarian Specter
Judith Deutsch
Militarism:  Revolutionary Mothering and Rosie the Riveter
Nyla Ali Khan
Kashmir Evoked a Lot More International Attention in the 1950s Than It Does Now
Adam Phillips
There Isn’t Any There There
Louis Proyect
Steinbeck’s Red Devils
Randy Shields
Left Coast Date: the Dating Site for the ORWACA Tribe
Charles R. Larson
Review: Bill Hayes’ “Insomniac City”
David Yearsley
White Supremacy and Music Theory
February 16, 2017
Peter Gaffney
The Rage of Caliban: Identity Politics, the Travel Ban, and the Shifting Ideological Framework of the Resistance
Ramzy Baroud
Farewell to Doublespeak: Israel’s Terrifying Vision for the Future
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail