Santa’s Resignation Letter

by BERNARD MARSZALEK

Greetings to All:

I must admit that my joyful mission of spreading holiday cheer has grown more problematic over the decades. Until now, however, I have kept silent due to the devastating effect a major statement of my increasing despair would have, not only on the little children of the world, who depend upon my jolliness, but also on their parents. I maintained my stoic silence to prevent any more dread in their lives.

But I cannot remain silent any longer. It would be too stressful for my mental health. The last thing we need is an iconic cultural personality, like me, collapsing into some awful anti-social outrage. Unfortunately, we have too much of that already.

The pressures of my task this year, nonetheless, broke Santa’s spirit. First came the news that more than half my stash of toys was toxic garbage produced by greedy manufacturers. I must admit that I have been outsourcing for years. What else could I do?

If that was all, maybe I could have carried on for another year. However, there is another big factor: the toys themselves – actually electronic gadgets – that I no longer understand, and have no affinity for whatsoever. They resemble the stuff adults waste their lives working with, and it just depressed me no end. OK. I can do without wooden toys if the rainforest is disappearing, but lugging all those battery operated gizmos around got to be too much for the deer to pull.

And then the elves rebelled; they threatened to reveal what they called “sweatshop” conditions! I tried to explain to them that this was a non-profit endeavor, but they would have none of it. Our fine Yuletide traditions have gone south. Nothing I could say had any effect. To them I was a crusty old geezer heading a corporation out of touch with current reality. 

I must admit that they may have some legitimate complaints. My attempt to cover more territory, as globalization took off, made me compromise with neo-liberalism and that jeopardized their old working conditions. They missed the old camaraderie. Frankly, so did I.

And the reindeer! I can no longer afford proper veterinary care. They’re looking shabby. Luckily, no one much notices at night. And then there is the sleigh. I tried to find properly skilled crafts people to do repairs, but no apprentices have appeared for years and the old crew is slowly retiring. Or worse.

The final straw came, though, when I went about my routes and discovered so many empty houses. Several years ago it was Katrina. But now every year a Frankenstorm causes havoc. And, if homes aren’t destroyed by an outraged Mother Nature, then they are abandoned because of the financial storm. I have become quite expert at spotting foreclosed homes and I can’t face, any more, delivering meager parcels to families living in cars or tent cities. What sort of Christmas are we giving our kids?

So, I have made a decision. Before I am put out to pasture along with my ailing reindeer by online coupons, I quit. You can all have your wonderful virtual purchasing experiences. I don’t care. Your kids are destined to see Santa as an icon on their computer screens and nothing more. I don’t give a damn.

The Missus and I have a few good years left, and, frankly, I am looking forward to lounging around in shorts and sandals year round and growing some oranges and kiwis up here at the North Pole.

Good Night and Good Luck.

Santa Claus

Black Friday, 2012

Bernard Marszalek co-founder of JASecon and editor of a new collection of essays by renegade Marxist, Paul Lafargue, “The Right to be Lazy” (AK Press/Kerr Co.), can be reached at info@righttobelazy.com.

Like What You’ve Read? Support CounterPunch
August 03, 2015
Joseph Mangano – Janette D. Sherman
The Atomic Era Turns 70, as Nuclear Hazards Endure
Nelson Valdes
An Internet Legend: the Pope, Fidel and the Black President
Robert Hunziker
The Perfectly Nasty Ocean Storm
Jack Dresser
The Case of Alison Weir: Two Palestinian Solidarity Organizations Borrow from Joe McCarthy’s Playbook
Ahmad Moussa
Incinerating Palestinian Children
Greg Felton
Greece Succumbs to Imperialist Banksterism
Binoy Kampmark
Stalling the Trans-Pacific Partnership: the Failure of the Hawai’i Talks
Ted Rall
My Letter to Nick Goldberg of the LA Times
Mark Weisbrot
New Greek Bailout Increases the Possibility of Grexit
Jose Martinez
Black/Hispanic/Women: a Leadership Crisis
Victor Grossman
German Know-Nothings Today
Patrick Walker
We’re Not Sandernistas: Reinventing the Wheels of Bernie’s Bandwagon
Norman Pollack
Moral Consequences of War: America’s Hegemonic Thirst
Ralph Nader
Republicans Support Massive Tax Evasion by Starving IRS Budget
Alexander Reid Ross
Colonial Pride and the Killing of Cecil the Lion
Suhayb Ahmed
What’s Happening in Britain: Jeremy Corbyn and the Future of the Labour Party
Weekend Edition
July 31-33, 2015
Jeffrey St. Clair
Bernie and the Sandernistas: Into the Void
John Pilger
Julian Assange: the Untold Story of an Epic Struggle for Justice
Roberto J. González – David Price
Remaking the Human Terrain: The US Military’s Continuing Quest to Commandeer Culture
Lawrence Ware
Bernie Sanders’ Race Problem
Andrew Levine
The Logic of Illlogic: Narrow Self-Interest Keeps Israel’s “Existential Threats” Alive
ANDRE VLTCHEK
Kos, Bodrum, Desperate Refugees and a Dying Child
Paul Street
“That’s Politics”: the Sandernistas on the Master’s Schedule
Ted Rall
How the LAPD Conspired to Get Me Fired from the LA Times
Mike Whitney
Power-Mad Erdogan Launches War in Attempt to Become Turkey’s Supreme Leader
Ellen Brown
The Greek Coup: Liquidity as a Weapon of Coercion
Stephen Lendman
Russia Challenges America’s Orwellian NED
Will Parrish
The Politics of California’s Water System
John Wight
The Murder of Ali Saad Dawabsha, a Palestinian Infant Burned Alive by Israeli Terrorists
Jeffrey Blankfort
Leading Bibi’s Army in the War for Washington
Mary Lou Singleton
Gender, Patriarchy, and All That Jazz
Robert Fantina
Israeli Missteps Take a Toll
Pete Dolack
Speculators Circling Puerto Rico Latest Mode of Colonialism
Ron Jacobs
Spying on Black Writers: the FB Eye Blues
Paul Buhle
The Leftwing Seventies?
Binoy Kampmark
The TPP Trade Deal: of Sovereignty and Secrecy
David Swanson
Vietnam, Fifty Years After Defeating the US
Robert Hunziker
Human-Made Evolution
Shamus Cooke
Why Obama’s “Safe Zone” in Syria Will Inflame the War Zone
David Rosen
Hillary Clinton: Learn From Your Sisters
Sam Husseini
How #AllLivesMatter and #BlackLivesMatter Can Devalue Life
Shepherd Bliss
Why I Support Bernie Sanders for President
Louis Proyect
Manufacturing Denial
Howard Lisnoff
The Wrong Argument
Tracey Harris
Living Tiny: a Richer and More Sustainable Future