The annual rabid consumer frenzy of “Black Friday” is ominously approaching with the media-endorsed free for all now only a few days away. Fastidiously lined tents adorn the sides of local shopping centers across the nation as willing capitalist soldiers anxiously await for paltry savings. The occupiers await for their moment of glory to flood the corporate stores in a berserk fury of violence. You can safely bet that more than a few people will be injured and some unfortunate deal mongers will be trampled to death as they miss out on the rare opportunity to save 20% on household appliances. A small sacrifice to make for the myriad of electro-goodies.
In my current locale of Bakersfield California as of Sunday there were already a handful of tents set up behind the “Black Friday Line Starts Here!” banner. I witnessed a few willing participants sharing fast food and discussing the electronic devices they were so eager to purchase. I was left completely flummoxed by the dedication to what seemed like such an irrational practice. I have found it almost completely impossible to find dedication at this level to any worthwhile leftist struggle. I asked myself the same questions many of you undoubtedly have is well. Are the savings that great? Do these people have jobs? Where are they going to the bathroom?
I later obtained some of the answers to the grand mysteries of this new breed of urban capitalist campers. After interviewing a few of the tent residents it was apparent that most of them had jobs. They kept their place in line by alternating shifts leaving one person to monitor the tent at a time; while the other went to punch in their card of wage-slavery. Sound familiar? They viewed the savings as a worthwhile endeavor as apparently some consumer goods would be nearly 30% off retail. If that wasn’t enough to entice the savings worshiping miscreants; there would be many “BOGO” or “Buy One Get One Half Off” deals. On issues regarding the bathroom most participants remained quiet on the subject until I discovered they had been using the corresponding stores to relieve themselves. There was a general mood of optimism and excitement as one over-caffeinated man opened his flyer of circled electronic goods he’d be purchasing. For him, it was the best time of the year.
Here we are over a year after the hopeful beginnings of the Occupy Movement in Zuccotti park; where groups of activists inspired a nation and created a brief ripple in the corporatist anathema. It lasted for a few months as it slowed to sloth’s crawl and pattered away. The Occupy Movement never recovered from the Joe Louis triple left hook that smashed its proverbial jaw when Law Enforcement worked in collusion with suspiciously aligned mayors from across the country. I held much hope for the movement as with other activists that meaningful changes would occur. I watched in Fairbanks, Alaska as ardent leftists froze under temperatures of -40 Fahrenheit; only to be later evicted because of asinine zoning issues.
With the latest leftist uprising smashed; the U.S. has returned to normal and the original occupiers can retain their spots in front of their favorite stores. After all, this is a (bowel) movement that has been occurring much prior to the utopian visions put forth by us activists last year. They won’t have to worry about police violence or the venom of federally aligned mayors either. People will be able to sacrifice themselves in bless as America’s bubble economy will slightly elevate for a few days and everything will be jolly once again.
For the rest of us that don’t suffer from the insanity that is Black Friday? I suggest you buy nothing. It’s incredibly easy and doesn’t require you to leave your living room.
Daniel Church is an activist writer residing in Fairbanks, Alaska and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org