FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Did Obama Cause Hurricane Sandy?

by CHARLES R. LARSON

Political Washington was all abuzz Sunday, five days after the election, with the revelation that President Obama had caused Hurricane Sandy.  Brit Hume, Fox News’ chief illusionist, broke the story.  Checking recent White House logs for Air Force One, he determined that, several days before Sandy formed above the south-east Atlantic Ocean, the president’s plane was observed, mysteriously flying around in circles and seeding the clouds with what apparently was silver iodide.  “The pilot of another aircraft,” Hume exclaimed, “observed the President watching through one of the windows in Air Force One.  This is a clear violation of international law, let alone political protocol.”

When hearing the news, Karl Rove roared, “We always feared that the President would do something like this—create an October surprise—but never thought he would stoop so low as to alter the weather.  At least this confirms that it is human beings who are responsible for climate change and not global warming.   Fortunately, Charles and David [the Koch brothers] are no fools and realize that they’re just going to have to cough up money for voter and hurricane suppression the next time around.”

Asked about the revelation, Rush Limbaugh muttered, “That filthy socialist, what dirty trick will he pull next?  This is the kind of chicanery you’d expect from an African dictator but not from the President of the United States.”

Donald Trump was quick to announce a five million dollar award for anyone who could provide a sample of President Obama’s DNA.  “We know who his real father is—and it’s not that Kenyan imposter.  It’s Robert Mugabe and we’ve already got samples of his DNA, so it’s just a matter of matching the two.”

In a hastily announced press conference, Paul Ryan stressed that the exposé of the cloud seeding, although disturbing, exonerates them from losing because they were out of touch with American voters.  “At least it was nothing we did,” Ryan said.  “We did the right thing.  The Republicans are just going to have to register more old white men if they don’t want this to continue.”

Standing next to Ryan, Mitch McConnell—with the usual smirk on his face—observed at the end of Ryan’s press conference, “Our priorities are obvious.  Our entire goal for the next four years is to see that President Obama accomplishes nothing.  The country be damned.”

Even Thomas Donohue, President of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, weighed in.  “If we do it this the right way, there isn’t an election out there that can’t he bought.”  And then he added, “We will continue with the privatization of American politicians.”

Hours after breaking the story, Hume speculated why the White House has not responded to his story.  “They’re preoccupied with fabricating David Petraeus’ affair in order to cover up their blunders in Benghazi.”

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University in Washington, D.C.  Email: clarson@american.edu

 

 

 

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

More articles by:
July 28, 2016
Paul Street
Politician Speak at the DNC
Jeffrey St. Clair
Night of the Hollow Men: Notes From the Democratic Convention
Renee Parsons
Blame It on the Russians
Herbert Dyer, Jr.
Is it the Cops or the Cameras? Putting Police Brutality in Historical Context
Russell Mokhiber
Dems Dropping the N Word: When in Trouble, Blame Ralph
Howard Lisnoff
The Elephant in the Living Room
Pepe Escobar
The Real Secret of the South China Sea
Ramzy Baroud
Farewell to Yarmouk: A Palestinian Refugee’s Journey from Izmir to Greece
John Laforge
Wild Turkey with H-Bombs: Failed Coup Raise Calls for Denuclearization
Dave Lindorff
Moving Beyond the Sanders Campaign
Jill Richardson
There’s No Such Thing as a “Free Market”
Patrick Cockburn
Erdogan Moves Against the Gulen Movement in Turkey
Winslow Myers
Beyond Drift
Edward Martin - Mateo Pimentel
Who Are The Real Pariahs This Election?
Jan Oberg
The Clintons Celebrated, But Likely a Disaster for the Rest of the World
Johnny Gaunt
Brexit: the British Working Class has Just Yawned Awake
Mark Weisbrot
Attacking Trump for the Few Sensible Things He Says is Both Bad Politics and Bad Strategy
Thomas Knapp
Election 2016: Think Three’s a Crowd? Try 2,000
Corrine Fletcher
White Silence is Violence: How to be a White Accomplice
July 27, 2016
Richard Moser
The Party’s Over
M. G. Piety
Smoke and Mirrors in Philadelphia
Jeffrey St. Clair
The Humiliation Games: Notes on the Democratic Convention
Arun Gupta
Bernie Sanders’ Political Revolution Splinters Apart
John Eskow
The Loneliness of the American Leftist
Guillermo R. Gil
A Metaphoric Short Circuit: On Michelle Obama’s Speech at the DNC
Norman Pollack
Sanders, Our Tony Blair: A Defamation of Socialism
Claire Rater, Carol Spiegel and Jim Goodman
Consumers Can Stop the Overuse of Antibiotics on Factory Farms
Guy D. Nave
Make America Great Again?
Sam Husseini
Why Sarah Silverman is a Comedienne
Dave Lindorff
No Crooked Sociopaths in the White House
Dan Bacher
The Hired Gun: Jerry Brown Snags Bruce Babbitt as New Point Man For Delta Tunnels
Peter Lee
Trumputin! And the DNC Leak(s)
David Macaray
Interns Are Exploited and Discriminated Against
Brett Warnke
Storm Clouds Over Philly
Ann Garrison
Rwanda, the Clinton Dynasty, and the Case of Dr. Léopold Munyakazi
Chris Zinda
Snakes of Deseret
July 26, 2016
Andrew Levine
Pillory Hillary Now
Kshama Sawant
A Call to Action: Walk Out from the Democratic National Convention!
Russell Mokhiber
The Rabble Rise Together Against Bernie, Barney, Elizabeth and Hillary
Jeffrey St. Clair
Don’t Cry For Me, DNC: Notes From the Democratic Convention
Angie Beeman
Why Doesn’t Middle America Trust Hillary? She Thinks She’s Better Than Us and We Know It
Paul Street
An Update on the Hate…
Fran Shor
Beyond Trump vs Clinton
Ellen Brown
Japan’s “Helicopter Money” Play: Road to Hyperinflation or Cure for Debt Deflation?
Richard W. Behan
The Banana Republic of America: Democracy Be Damned
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail