Technology’s Underbelly

by DAVID MACARAY

Let’s take a quick look at where we are as a culture, and how far we’ve progressed.  A century ago we were more or less stuck with how we looked and how we performed sexually.  While we could use make-up, powders, hair dyes and wigs to enhance our appearance, we were pretty much destined to look the way Mother Nature intended us to look.

Accordingly, before the invention of Viagara, if men couldn’t get the job done sexually, they were SOL.  Like it or not, Mother Nature didn’t intend for 80-year old men to walk around with erections.  In truth, Mother Nature didn’t intend for 80-year old men to be walking around at all, but the advent of modern medicine and health education changed all that.

Take cosmetic surgery for example.  That procedure has ushered in a whole array of choices.  While the procedure used to be relatively rare, cosmetic surgery is now not only common, it’s ubiquitous, especially among celebrities.  I read somewhere that in the last decade or so, rhinoplasty (nose job) had become the high school graduation gift of choice.  It’s true.  The most prized graduation gift used to be a new car. Today it’s a new face.

Even when the results of cosmetic surgery are disappointing or mildly disturbing (e.g., Steve Wynn, Kenny Rodgers, Bruce Jenner), celebs continue to seek surgical makeovers.  After all, when you consider the big picture, it’s an eminently rational decision.  If you’re unhappy with your body, why not overhaul it?

If I had the extra dough, I could see myself chopping my beak and pinning back my ears, and it wouldn’t be because I’m particularly unhappy with my appearance.  Rather, it’s the enticement—the gnawing allure—of knowing that there’s an alternative, that you can actually reinvent yourself.

While on the subject of physical attributes, let us consider the general anatomical category of penises.  Despite protestations to the contrary, it’s accurate to say that size does, in fact, matter.  Larger is better.  No, you don’t need a 9-inch member in order to please your partner, but you certainly need more than 3-inches to get the job done properly.

Which leads us to a technological prediction.  In the future, lesser endowed men will pay for penis transplants.  Forty-year old millionaires, whom Nature cruelly equipped with 3-inch rods, will pay large-framed, 80-year old Norwegian ex-lumberjacks $500,000 to swap penises with them.  Obviously, the 80-year old Norwegian will jump at the offer because, at his age, he has no use for a large penis.  What’s he going to do with it?

Moreover, as with violins, 80-year old penises work just as well as newer ones.  The only problem with an 80-year old penis is that it’s attached to an 80-year old body no longer capable of using it.  Let’s be realistic:  Even with a pharmaceutical aid, who’s an 80-year ex-lumberjack going to have intercourse with?

So it’s an ideal trade.  The wealthy Asian businessman gets to walk around knowing that he’s now packing some weight, and the formerly well-hung Norwegian gentleman not only comes away with a cool $500,000, but he gets a smaller, more manageable penis in return.

Everybody wins.

David Macaray, an LA playwright and author (“It’s Never Been Easy:  Essays on Modern Labor”), was a former labor union rep.  He can be reached at dmacaray@earthlink.net

 

Like What You’ve Read? Support CounterPunch
August 27, 2015
Sam Husseini
Foreign Policy, Sanders-Style: Backing Saudi Intervention
Brad Evans – Henry A. Giroux
Self-Plagiarism and the Politics of Character Assassination: the Case of Zygmunt Bauman
Peter Lee
Making Sense of China’s Stock Market Meltdown
Paul Craig Roberts
Wall Street and the Matrix: Where is Neo When We Need Him?
Kerry Emanuel
The Real Lesson of Katrina: the Worst is Yet to Come
Dave Lindorff
Why Wall Street Reporting is a Joke
Pepe Escobar
Brave (Miserable) New Normal World
Ramzy Baroud
‘Islamic State’ Pretence and the Upcoming Wars in Libya
Paul Edwards
Capitalism Delenda Est
Norman Pollack
The Political Culture of Rape in America: Further Thoughts on the St. Paul’s School Case
Stephen Lendman
The Monied Interests That Run America
Pedro Aibéo
Democratizing Finance (With Bitcoin?)
Alfredo Acedo
Climate Change and Capitalism: Challenges of the COP21 Paris and Climate Movements
August 26, 2015
Paul Street
Overworked and Out of Time: a Democracy Issue
Sharmini Peries - Michael Hudson
Behind the Market Crash: the Smoke and Mirrors of Corporate Buybacks
David Mihalyfy
Reform Higher Ed? Treat Badmin Like Bankers
Ruth Hopkins
Police Shootings in Indian Country: Justice or Else!
Gary Leupp
ISIL Advances While Its Foes Cannot Unite
Fred Gardner
The Psychiatrist’s Bible: Defining ‘Marijuana Use Disorder’
Yorgos Mitralias
The Catastrophic International Consequences of the Capitulation of Syriza and the Criminal Responsibility of Mr. Tsipras
Walter Brasch
Katrina: a 10-Year Review
Jim Connolly
Seven Questions and Seven Answers: a Sandernista Makes Reasonable Predictions About the 2016 Contest for the Democratic Presidential Nomination
Pedro Aibéo
Selling Austerity to Finland
Franklin Lamb
Heritage Destruction in Syria is a War Crime
Binoy Kampmark
Tourism’s Disaster Temptation: the Case of Nepal
Jeffrey D. Pugh
Trial by Fire for Ecuador’s President Correa
Vacy Vlanza
A Palestinian Novel Par Excellence
Alvaro Huerta
Confessions of an ‘Anchor Baby’: Open Letter to President Donald Trump
August 25, 2015
Gary Leupp
Why Donald Trump is So Scary
Jonathan Cook
Israel’s Thug at the UN
Steve Early
How “Brother” Bernie is Making Labor’s Day
Carl Finamore
An Affordable Housing Victory: High-End San Francisco Development Implodes
Henry Giroux – Chuck Mertz
The Spectacle of American Violence and the Cure for Donald Trump
Robert Eisinger
Trivializing Anti-Semitism
Brian Platt
It is Time We Discussed Abolishing the Police
Alexander Reid Ross
Trump the Fascist
Nicola Perugini - Neve Gordon
Mohammed Allan at the Door of the Israeli Supreme Court
Ted Rall
The United States of Stupidity
Heather Gray
A Message to American Mothers About Sex in the Military
Jo Leinen – Andreas Bummel
How to Democratize the UN
Lawrence Davidson
The Iran Agreement and Israel’s Claim to Speak for the Jews
Mark Hand
A Well Pad Next to Every 3-Car Garage: Suburban Sprawl Collides with Texas Frack Jobs
John Laforge
U.S. Bows Out After Plowshares Conviction is Vacated: Appeals Court Ill-Informed on Nuclear Overkill
Norman Pollack
Gender Freedom and Sexual Liberation: The St. Paul’s School Case
Kathy Kelly
Let It Shine