FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Technology’s Underbelly

by DAVID MACARAY

Let’s take a quick look at where we are as a culture, and how far we’ve progressed.  A century ago we were more or less stuck with how we looked and how we performed sexually.  While we could use make-up, powders, hair dyes and wigs to enhance our appearance, we were pretty much destined to look the way Mother Nature intended us to look.

Accordingly, before the invention of Viagara, if men couldn’t get the job done sexually, they were SOL.  Like it or not, Mother Nature didn’t intend for 80-year old men to walk around with erections.  In truth, Mother Nature didn’t intend for 80-year old men to be walking around at all, but the advent of modern medicine and health education changed all that.

Take cosmetic surgery for example.  That procedure has ushered in a whole array of choices.  While the procedure used to be relatively rare, cosmetic surgery is now not only common, it’s ubiquitous, especially among celebrities.  I read somewhere that in the last decade or so, rhinoplasty (nose job) had become the high school graduation gift of choice.  It’s true.  The most prized graduation gift used to be a new car. Today it’s a new face.

Even when the results of cosmetic surgery are disappointing or mildly disturbing (e.g., Steve Wynn, Kenny Rodgers, Bruce Jenner), celebs continue to seek surgical makeovers.  After all, when you consider the big picture, it’s an eminently rational decision.  If you’re unhappy with your body, why not overhaul it?

If I had the extra dough, I could see myself chopping my beak and pinning back my ears, and it wouldn’t be because I’m particularly unhappy with my appearance.  Rather, it’s the enticement—the gnawing allure—of knowing that there’s an alternative, that you can actually reinvent yourself.

While on the subject of physical attributes, let us consider the general anatomical category of penises.  Despite protestations to the contrary, it’s accurate to say that size does, in fact, matter.  Larger is better.  No, you don’t need a 9-inch member in order to please your partner, but you certainly need more than 3-inches to get the job done properly.

Which leads us to a technological prediction.  In the future, lesser endowed men will pay for penis transplants.  Forty-year old millionaires, whom Nature cruelly equipped with 3-inch rods, will pay large-framed, 80-year old Norwegian ex-lumberjacks $500,000 to swap penises with them.  Obviously, the 80-year old Norwegian will jump at the offer because, at his age, he has no use for a large penis.  What’s he going to do with it?

Moreover, as with violins, 80-year old penises work just as well as newer ones.  The only problem with an 80-year old penis is that it’s attached to an 80-year old body no longer capable of using it.  Let’s be realistic:  Even with a pharmaceutical aid, who’s an 80-year ex-lumberjack going to have intercourse with?

So it’s an ideal trade.  The wealthy Asian businessman gets to walk around knowing that he’s now packing some weight, and the formerly well-hung Norwegian gentleman not only comes away with a cool $500,000, but he gets a smaller, more manageable penis in return.

Everybody wins.

David Macaray, an LA playwright and author (“It’s Never Been Easy:  Essays on Modern Labor”), was a former labor union rep.  He can be reached at dmacaray@earthlink.net

 

David Macaray is a playwright and author. His newest book is “Nightshift: 270 Factory Stories.” He can be reached at dmacaray@gmail.com

May 05, 2016
Hayes Rowan
This Naming of Things
May 04, 2016
Kshama Sawant
It’s Not About Bernie: Why We Can’t Let Our Revolution Die in Philadelphia
Conn Hallinan
Baiting the Bear: Russia and NATO
Joshua Frank
Hanford’s Leaky Nuke Tanks and Sick Workers, A Never-Ending Saga
Paul Craig Roberts
TIPP: Advancing American Imperialism
Ted Rall
Hillary to Bernie Supporters: Don’t Vote for Me!
Eric Draitser
Hillary Clinton and Wall Street’s Neoliberal War on Latin America
Leslie Scott
The Story of Jill Stein: Putting People, Peace and the Planet Before Profits
Ann Garrison
Building the Greens Into a Mass Party: Interview with Bruce Dixon
Tom Clifford
Crying Rape: Trump’s China-Bashing
Lawrence Davidson
Getting Rid of Bad Examples: Andrew Jackson & Woodrow Wilson
Ellen Brown
Bank of North Dakota Soars Despite Oil Bust: A Blueprint for California?
Nelson Valdes
Is Fidel Castro Outside or Part of Mainstream Thinking? A Selection of Quotes
Jesse Jackson
Don’t Send Flint Down the Drain: Fix It!
Nathan Riley
Help Bernie Keep His Halo
Rivera Sun
Remembering Nonviolent History: Freedom Rides
Clancy Sigal
Rachel and the Isolationists: How Maddow Blew It
Laura Finley
Changing the Conversation About “The Woman Card”
CJ Hopkins
Coming this Summer … Revenge of the Bride of Sophie’s Choice
May 03, 2016
Gary Leupp
Hillary Clinton’s Foreign Policy Resumé: What the Record Shows
Michèle Brand – Arun Gupta
What is the “Nuit Debout”?
Chuck Churchill
The Failures of Capitalism, Donald Trump and Right Wing Terror
Dave Marsh
Bernie and the Greens
John Wight
Zionism Should be on Trial, Not Ken Livingstone
Rev. John Dear
A Dweller in Peace: the Life and Times of Daniel Berrigan
Patrick Cockburn
Saudi Arabia’s Great Leap Forward: What Would Mao Think?
Doug Johnson Hatlem
Electoral Votes Matter: Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders vs Donald Trump
Chris Gilbert
Venezuela Today: This Must Be Progress
Pepe Escobar
The Calm Before the Coming Global Storm
Ruth Fowler
Intersecting with the Identity Police (Or Why I Stopped Writing Op-Eds)
Victor Lasa
The Battle Rages on in Spain: the Country Prepares for Repeat Elections in June
Jack Rasmus
Is the US Economy Heading for Recession?
Dean Baker
Time for an Accountable Federal Reserve
Ted Rall
Working for US Gov Means Never Saying Sorry
Dave Welsh
Hunger Strikers at Mission Police Station: “Stop the execution of our people”
John Eskow
The Death of Prince and the Death of Lonnie Mack
May 02, 2016
Michael Hudson – Gordon Long
Wall Street Has Taken Over the Economy and is Draining It
Paul Street
The Bernie Fade Begins
Ron Jacobs
On the Frontlines of Peace: the Life of Daniel Berrigan
Louis Yako
Dubai Transit
Bill Quigley
Teacher, Union Leader, Labor Lawyer: Profile of Chris Williams Social Justice Advocate
Patrick Cockburn
Into the Green Zone: Iraq’s Disintegrating Political System
Lawrence Ware
Trump is the Presidential Candidate the Republicans Deserve
Ron Forthofer
Just Say No to Corporate Rule
Ralph Nader
The Long-Distance Rebound of Bernie Sanders
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail