Keep Portland White!


Sitting in traffic and staring at the car in front of me, a tastefully muddy Subaru Outback with the requisite Thule bike rack, I spot this on the bumper:

“Keep Portland Weird”

Yet another Portlander proclaiming their uniqueness by slapping on their car most overused sound bite attached to the place I live.

There is an element of truth to the sentiment: to friends who suffer the ignominy of existing in California or New York, I live in hipster Valhalla: a happily ironic place where vegan food carts abound and localvore beer flows from repurposed fixtures.  It’s a place where young creatives commute by fixie bikes, towing babies or dogs to careers involving DIY charcuterie, vintage buttons or recycled wooden paneling.

But as I wander pass the organic coffee houses chock-full of thirtyish men with full-on lumberjack beards and defiant beer bellies, or boutiques filled with mock Goodwill cardigans selling for prices once considered exorbitant monthly rent, the message is unmistakable:  I am not a member of the Keeping-it-Weird club.

I realize that’s the first thing expected from a Portland hipster, but it’s true. I live in a ridiculously overeducated neighborhood riddled with organic farming emporiums and yoga studios. I also have a job that’s the wet dream every liberal arts graduate (librarian), But there’s one thing that makes me different from the exquisitely-toned women feeding chickens in their back yards: I am the wrong color.

Not that I’m harassed for my “interesting” (as one library user put it) looks, but quite the opposite: I am constantly celebrated for being an official person of color.  Not a week goes by without someone insisting upon the opportunity to honor my person-of-colorness, which consists of describing their week/month/year trip to Japan, followed by a detailed rave about the culture, which apparently is only made up of food or interior design accent pieces.  Oftentimes I’m asked to grant the Asian seal of approval for whatever side project they divulge to me, one they claim expresses their inner nature, be it bonsai, hot anime chicks in uniform, or origami bird earrings.

This practice of honoring of my culture or any culture involving people of different pigmentations is starting to wear me down:  those Taiko ensembles with nary an Asian in the bunch, or the blues festivals held on rare sunny days, playing to an audience doused in Oregon-grown Pinot Gris and 75 SPF sunblock, with everyone nodding to music made by the only folks in sight with a claim to an ethnicity. So after years of enduring the eternal parade of skinny white guys possessing pork-pie hats and Asian girlfriends and blissed-out wiggers thumping day-long on African drums, I have come to one conclusion: my race is a commodity—in fact any race outside Caucasian is a commodity.  It’s what keeps the Portland Hipster Machine going.

How?   By providing two crucial elements: cultural authenticity and street cred.  Without us, there’d be no culinary wunderkind studded with tribal ink with three-month-old-yet-already-raved-about-by-the-New-York-Times ramen restaurant, all because he had the wherewithal to track down and apprentice with a Japanese master revered for his secret noodle-making techniques.  And how would the media survive without the Portland small business success meme of willowy girls hacking vintage kimonos into adorable scarves while breastfeeding their Wrens or Atticuses? We’re the raw material mined for the benefit of the Greater Hipster Good, or at the very least provide ammo for those Yelp discussions as to who serves the most authentic sushi.

So the next time a hipster sidles up and grills me as to who serves the best kimchee fried rice in town? I’m gonna start charging….

LINDA UEKI ABSHER is the creator of The Lipstick Librarian!  web site.  She works as a librarian in Portland, Oregon.


October 08, 2015
Michael Horton
Why is the US Aiding and Enabling Saudi Arabia’s Genocidal War in Yemen?
Ben Debney
Guns, Trump and Mental Illness
Pepe Escobar
The NATO-Russia Face Off in Syria
Yoav Litvin
Israeli Occupation for Dummies
Lawrence Davidson
Deep Poverty in America: the On-Going Tradition of Not Caring
Thomas Knapp
War Party’s New Line: Vladimir Putin is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
Brandon Jordan
Sowing the Seeds of War in Uruguay
Binoy Kampmark
Imperilled by Unfree Trade: the TPP on Environment and Labor
John McMurtry
The Canadian Elections: Cover-Up and Steal (Again)
Anthony Papa
Coming Home: an Open Letter to 6,000 Soon-to-be-Released Drug War Prisoners From an Ex-Con
Ramzy Baroud
Listen to Syrians: The Media Jackals and the People’s Narrative
Norman Pollack
Heart of Darkness: A Two-Way Street
Gilbert Mercier
Will Russia, Iran, Hezbollah and Iraqi Shiite Militias Defeat ISIS in Syria and Iraq?
John Stanton
Vietnam 2.0 and California Dreamin’ in Ukraine
William John Cox
The Pornography of Hatred
October 07, 2015
Nancy Scheper-Hughes
Witness to a Troubled Saint-Making: Junipero Serra and the Theology of Failure
Luciana Bohne
The Double-Speak of American Civilian Humanitarianism
Joyce Nelson
TPP: Big Pharma’s Big Deal
Jonathan Cook
Israel Lights the Touchpaper at Al-Aqsa Again
Joseph Natoli
The Wreckage in Sight We Fail To See
Piero Gleijeses
Cuba’s Jorge Risquet: the Brother I Never Had
Andrew Stewart
Do #BlackLivesMatter to Dunkin’ Donuts?
Rajesh Makwana
#GlobalGoals? The Truth About Poverty and How to Address It
Joan Berezin
Elections 2016: A New Opening or Business as Usual?
Dave Randle
The Man Who Sold Motown to the World
Adam Bartley
“Shameless”: Hillary Clinton, Human Rights and China
Binoy Kampmark
The Killings in Oregon: Business as Usual
Harvey Wasserman
Why Bernie and Hillary Must Address America’s Dying Nuke Reactors
Tom H. Hastings
Unarmed Cops and a Can-do Culture of Nonviolence
October 06, 2015
Vijay Prashad
Afghanistan, the Terrible War: Money for Nothing
Mike Whitney
How Putin will Win in Syria
Paul Street
Yes, There is an Imperialist Ruling Class
Paul Craig Roberts
American Vice
Kathy Kelly
Bombing Hospitals: 22 People Killed by US Airstrike on Doctors Without Borders Hospital in Kunduz, Afghanistan
Ron Jacobs
Patti Smith and the Beauty of Memory
David Macaray
Coal Executive Finally Brought Up on Criminal Charges
Norman Pollack
Cold War Rhetoric: The Kept Intelligentsia
Cecil Brown
The Firing This Time: School Shootings and James Baldwin’s Final Message
Roger Annis
The Canadian Election and the Global Climate Crisis
W. T. Whitney
Why is the US Government Persecuting IFCO/Pastors for Peace Humanitarian Organization?
Jesse Jackson
Alabama’s New Jim Crow Far From Subtle
Joe Ramsey
After Umpqua: Does America Have a Gun Problem….or a Dying Capitalist Empire Problem?
Murray Dobbin
Rise Up, Precariat! Cheap Labour is Over
October 05, 2015
Michael Hudson
Parasites in the Body Economic: the Disasters of Neoliberalism
Patrick Cockburn
Why We Should Welcome Russia’s Entry Into Syrian War