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Republican Dream Ticket Finally Emerges


The GOP dream ticket has finally emerged. Last week was a heady time for Republicans. As the world as we have known it continued crumbling, the Republicans/Conservatives/Tea Partiers plowed on with their agendas (reduce the budget, eliminate the budget, stop the budget, stop abortion, stop same-sex marriage, eliminate NPR) oblivious of events outside their own myopic perspective. Three stars of the Republican Party gained such high visibility that their futures are assured. Are you ready for this?

Donald Trump for President.

Michelle Bachman for Vice President.

Sarah Palin for Secretary of State.

Who could be a better presidential candidate—his party’s choice—than The Donald? Americans are not interested in politics or politicians; they’re interested in personalities, especially those who go astray. Cheat on your wife, don’t pay your taxes, take a few drugs, make obscene amounts of money and then lose it, get divorced and quickly remarried—these are the stories that Americans love more than anything else and The Donald has all the resilience (including his survival down through the years) and unlimited self-interest to guarantee his election if placed at the top of the ticket.

Forget The Donald’s biggest problems: he’s ugly and he’s boring. That boredom, at least, can be balanced by tapping Michelle Bachman for Vice President. Boring she is not, but rather a constant source of attention, particularly for fact-checkers who have had to go into overtime ever since she appeared on the national stage. As Vice President, she’d have plenty of free time to take a few courses—American history, American constitutional law, American tax reform, American ethics—at any of the numerous universities in the District of Columbia which will assure her own election to the presidency after The Donald has completed his two terms.

Since Sarah Palin has to be placated—now that she’s lost a bit of her luster, except to her base—so why not take advantage of that base and announce even before the election that Palin will be Secretary of State? She’s gained vast international experience during the past two years. During her recent trip to India, she was able to warn Indians of the imminent threat from their neighbor, China, the danger of which they were totally unaware before her visit. If Palin were Secretary of State, she wouldn’t need to run herself ragged as Hillary Clinton has done, hopping all around the world. Without leaving Alaska, Palin could make all decisions from the TV studio in her home and still have enough time for the next installment of her reality show.

And the ideal GOP platform for the 2012 election? Eliminate all taxes for the wealthy so that their enormous income will continue to trickle down and help everyone else, as has been the case since Ronald Reagan introduced supply-side economics. Eliminate all business taxes so that businesses can continue the unprecedented hiring push that they have pursued ever since the economic collapse as their profits have escalated. Cut all unnecessary government programs: education, health, energy, infrastructure, and—now that National Airport has shown that they are unnecessary—air traffic controllers.

Bring in the clowns.

CHARLES R. LARSON is Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C.


October 13, 2015
Dave Lindorff
US Dispatched a Murderous AC-130 Airborne Gunship to Attack a Hospital
Steve Martinot
The Politics of Prisons and Prisoners
Heidi Morrison
A Portrait of an Immigrant Named Millie, Drawn From Her Funeral
Andre Vltchek
Horrid Carcass of Indonesia – 50 Years After the Coup
Jeremy Malcolm
All Rights Reserved: Now We Know the Final TTP is Everything We Feared
Paul Craig Roberts
Recognizing Neocon Failure: Has Obama Finally Come to His Senses?
Theodoros Papadopoulos
The EU Has Lost the Plot in Ukraine
Roger Annis
Ukraine Threatened by Government Negligence Over Polio
Matthew Stanton
The Vapid Vote
Louisa Willcox
Tracking the Grizzly’s Number One Killer
Binoy Kampmark
Assange and the Village Gossipers
Robert Koehler
Why Bombing a Hospital Is a War Crime
Jon Flanders
Railroad Workers Fight Proposed Job Consolidation
Mel Gurtov
Manipulating Reality: Facebook Is Listening to You
Mark Hand
Passion and Pain: Photographer Trains Human Trafficking Survivors
October 12, 2015
Ralph Nader
Imperial Failure: Lessons From Afghanistan and Iraq
Ishmael Reed
Want a Renewal? Rid Your City of Blacks
Thomas S. Harrington
US Caught Faking It in Syria
Victor Grossman
Scenes From a Wonderful Parade Against the TPP
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Kevin Zeese - Margaret Flowers
The US Way of War: From Columbus to Kunduz
Paul Craig Roberts
A Decisive Shift in the Balance of Power
Justus Links
Turkey’s Tiananmen in Context
Ray McGovern
Faux Neutrality: How CNN Shapes Political Debate
William Manson
Things R Us: How Venture Capitalists Feed the Fetishism of Technology
Norman Pollack
The “Apologies”: A Note On Usage
Steve Horn
Cops Called on Reporter Who Asked About Climate at Oil & Gas Convention
Javan Briggs
The Browning of California: the Water is Ours!
Dave Randle
The BBC and the Licence Fee
Andrew Stewart
Elvis Has Left the Building: a Reply to Slavoj Žižek
Nicolás Cabrera
Resisting Columbus: the Movement to Change October 12th Holiday is Rooted in History
Weekend Edition
October 9-11, 2015
David Price – Roberto J. González
The Use and Abuse of Culture (and Children): The Human Terrain System’s Rationalization of Pedophilia in Afghanistan
Mike Whitney
Putin’s “Endgame” in Syria
Jason Hribal
The Tilikum Effect and the Downfall of SeaWorld
Gary Leupp
The Six Most Disastrous Interventions of the 21st Century
Andrew Levine
In Syria, Obama is Playing a Losing Game
Louis Proyect
The End of Academic Freedom in America: the Case of Steven Salaita
Rob Urie
Democrats, Neoliberalism and the TPP
Ismael Hossein-Zadeh
The Bully Recalibrates: U.S. Signals Policy Shift in Syria
Brian Cloughley
Hospital Slaughter and the US/NATO Propaganda Machine
Paul Street
Hope in Abandonment: Cuba, Detroit, and Earth-Scientific Socialism
John Walsh
For Vietnam: Artemisinin From China, Agent Orange From America
Hadi Kobaysi
How The US Uses (Takfiri) Extremists
John Wight
No Moral High Ground for the West on Syria
Robert Fantina
Canadian Universities vs. Israeli Apartheid