FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Republican Dream Ticket Finally Emerges

by CHARLES R. LARSON

The GOP dream ticket has finally emerged. Last week was a heady time for Republicans. As the world as we have known it continued crumbling, the Republicans/Conservatives/Tea Partiers plowed on with their agendas (reduce the budget, eliminate the budget, stop the budget, stop abortion, stop same-sex marriage, eliminate NPR) oblivious of events outside their own myopic perspective. Three stars of the Republican Party gained such high visibility that their futures are assured. Are you ready for this?

Donald Trump for President.

Michelle Bachman for Vice President.

Sarah Palin for Secretary of State.

Who could be a better presidential candidate—his party’s choice—than The Donald? Americans are not interested in politics or politicians; they’re interested in personalities, especially those who go astray. Cheat on your wife, don’t pay your taxes, take a few drugs, make obscene amounts of money and then lose it, get divorced and quickly remarried—these are the stories that Americans love more than anything else and The Donald has all the resilience (including his survival down through the years) and unlimited self-interest to guarantee his election if placed at the top of the ticket.

Forget The Donald’s biggest problems: he’s ugly and he’s boring. That boredom, at least, can be balanced by tapping Michelle Bachman for Vice President. Boring she is not, but rather a constant source of attention, particularly for fact-checkers who have had to go into overtime ever since she appeared on the national stage. As Vice President, she’d have plenty of free time to take a few courses—American history, American constitutional law, American tax reform, American ethics—at any of the numerous universities in the District of Columbia which will assure her own election to the presidency after The Donald has completed his two terms.

Since Sarah Palin has to be placated—now that she’s lost a bit of her luster, except to her base—so why not take advantage of that base and announce even before the election that Palin will be Secretary of State? She’s gained vast international experience during the past two years. During her recent trip to India, she was able to warn Indians of the imminent threat from their neighbor, China, the danger of which they were totally unaware before her visit. If Palin were Secretary of State, she wouldn’t need to run herself ragged as Hillary Clinton has done, hopping all around the world. Without leaving Alaska, Palin could make all decisions from the TV studio in her home and still have enough time for the next installment of her reality show.

And the ideal GOP platform for the 2012 election? Eliminate all taxes for the wealthy so that their enormous income will continue to trickle down and help everyone else, as has been the case since Ronald Reagan introduced supply-side economics. Eliminate all business taxes so that businesses can continue the unprecedented hiring push that they have pursued ever since the economic collapse as their profits have escalated. Cut all unnecessary government programs: education, health, energy, infrastructure, and—now that National Airport has shown that they are unnecessary—air traffic controllers.

Bring in the clowns.

CHARLES R. LARSON is Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C.

 

 

Charles R. Larson is Emeritus Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C. Email = clarson@american.edu. Twitter @LarsonChuck.

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550

zen economics

May 22, 2017
Diana Johnstone
All Power to the Banks! The Winners-Take-All Regime of Emmanuel Macron
Robert Fisk
Hypocrisy and Condescension: Trump’s Speech to the Middle East
John Grant
Jeff Sessions, Jesus Christ and the Return of Reefer Madness
Nozomi Hayase
Trump and the Resurgence of Colonial Racism
Rev. William Alberts
The Normalizing of Authoritarianism in America
Frank Stricker
Getting Full Employment: the Fake Way and the Right Way 
Jamie Davidson
Red Terror: Anti-Corbynism and Double Standards
Binoy Kampmark
Julian Assange, Sweden, and Continuing Battles
Robert Jensen
Beyond Liberal Pieties: the Radical Challenge for Journalism
Patrick Cockburn
Trump’s Extravagant Saudi Trip Distracts from His Crisis at Home
Angie Beeman
Gig Economy or Odd Jobs: What May Seem Trendy to Privileged City Dwellers and Suburbanites is as Old as Poverty
Colin Todhunter
The Public Or The Agrochemical Industry: Who Does The European Chemicals Agency Serve?
Jerrod A. Laber
Somalia’s Worsening Drought: Blowback From US Policy
Michael J. Sainato
Police Claimed Black Man Who Died in Custody Was Faking It
Clancy Sigal
I’m a Trump Guy, So What?
Gerry Condon
In Defense of Tulsi Gabbard
Weekend Edition
May 19, 2017
Friday - Sunday
John Pilger
Getting Assange: the Untold Story
Jeffrey St. Clair
The Secret Sharer
Charles Pierson
Trump’s First Hundred Days of War Crimes
Paul Street
How Russia Became “Our Adversary” Again
Andrew Levine
Legitimation Crises
Mike Whitney
Seth Rich, Craig Murray and the Sinister Stewards of the National Security State 
Robert Hunziker
Early-Stage Antarctica Death Rattle Sparks NY Times Journalists Trip
Ken Levy
Why – How – Do They Still Love Trump?
Bruce E. Levine
“Hegemony How-To”: Rethinking Activism and Embracing Power
Robert Fisk
The Real Aim of Trump’s Trip to Saudi Arabia
Christiane Saliba
Slavery Now: Migrant Labor in the Persian Gulf and Saudi Arabia
Chris Gilbert
The Chávez Hypothesis: Vicissitudes of a Strategic Project
Howard Lisnoff
Pay No Attention to That Man Behind the Curtain
Brian Cloughley
Propaganda Feeds Fear and Loathing
Stephen Cooper
Is Alabama Hiding Evidence It Tortured Two of Its Citizens?
Sheldon Richman
The Real Danger From Trump is Ignored
Jay Moore
Learning from History: Resistance in the 1850s and Today
Matthew Stevenson
Down and Out in London and Paris With Macron, May, Trump and Gatsby
David Jaffee
Rolling Back Democracy
Fred Gardner
Irrefutable Proof: Russian Election Meddling Documented!
Jess Guh
Neurology Study Reveals What We Already Know: People of Color Get Worse Healthcare
Joseph Natoli
A Culture of Narcissism, a Politics of Personality
David Rosen
Politics and the Agent of Social Change
Ian Almond
The Secret Joke of Our Democracy: Britain’s Elephant in the Boardroom
Andre Vltchek
Revolution Vs Passivity
Erik Rydberg
Stop the Jordan Cove LNG Project #NoLNG
Vijay Prashad
When Israeli Fighter Jets Almost Killed Nehru
Christopher Brauchli
The Certified Trump
Chuck Collins
Congress Wants to Cut Your Health Care — And Billionaires’ Taxes
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail