Republican Dream Ticket Finally Emerges


The GOP dream ticket has finally emerged. Last week was a heady time for Republicans. As the world as we have known it continued crumbling, the Republicans/Conservatives/Tea Partiers plowed on with their agendas (reduce the budget, eliminate the budget, stop the budget, stop abortion, stop same-sex marriage, eliminate NPR) oblivious of events outside their own myopic perspective. Three stars of the Republican Party gained such high visibility that their futures are assured. Are you ready for this?

Donald Trump for President.

Michelle Bachman for Vice President.

Sarah Palin for Secretary of State.

Who could be a better presidential candidate—his party’s choice—than The Donald? Americans are not interested in politics or politicians; they’re interested in personalities, especially those who go astray. Cheat on your wife, don’t pay your taxes, take a few drugs, make obscene amounts of money and then lose it, get divorced and quickly remarried—these are the stories that Americans love more than anything else and The Donald has all the resilience (including his survival down through the years) and unlimited self-interest to guarantee his election if placed at the top of the ticket.

Forget The Donald’s biggest problems: he’s ugly and he’s boring. That boredom, at least, can be balanced by tapping Michelle Bachman for Vice President. Boring she is not, but rather a constant source of attention, particularly for fact-checkers who have had to go into overtime ever since she appeared on the national stage. As Vice President, she’d have plenty of free time to take a few courses—American history, American constitutional law, American tax reform, American ethics—at any of the numerous universities in the District of Columbia which will assure her own election to the presidency after The Donald has completed his two terms.

Since Sarah Palin has to be placated—now that she’s lost a bit of her luster, except to her base—so why not take advantage of that base and announce even before the election that Palin will be Secretary of State? She’s gained vast international experience during the past two years. During her recent trip to India, she was able to warn Indians of the imminent threat from their neighbor, China, the danger of which they were totally unaware before her visit. If Palin were Secretary of State, she wouldn’t need to run herself ragged as Hillary Clinton has done, hopping all around the world. Without leaving Alaska, Palin could make all decisions from the TV studio in her home and still have enough time for the next installment of her reality show.

And the ideal GOP platform for the 2012 election? Eliminate all taxes for the wealthy so that their enormous income will continue to trickle down and help everyone else, as has been the case since Ronald Reagan introduced supply-side economics. Eliminate all business taxes so that businesses can continue the unprecedented hiring push that they have pursued ever since the economic collapse as their profits have escalated. Cut all unnecessary government programs: education, health, energy, infrastructure, and—now that National Airport has shown that they are unnecessary—air traffic controllers.

Bring in the clowns.

CHARLES R. LARSON is Professor of Literature at American University, in Washington, D.C.


November 25, 2015
Jeff Taylor
Bob Dylan and Christian Zionism
Dana E. Abizaid
Provoking Russia
Oliver Tickell
Syria’s Cauldron of Fire: a Downed Russian Jet and the Battle of Two Pipelines
Patrick Cockburn
Trigger Happy: Will Turkey’s Downing of Russian Jet Backfire on NATO?
Robert Fisk
The Soothsayers of Eternal War
Russell Mokhiber
The Coming Boycott of Nike
Ted Rall
Like Father Like Son: George W. Bush Was Bad, His Father May Have Been Worse
Matt Peppe
Bad Policy, Bad Ethics: U.S. Military Bases Abroad
Martha Rosenberg
Pfizer Too Big (and Slippery) to Fail
Yorgos Mitralias
Bernie Sanders, Mr. Voutsis and the Truth Commission on Greek Public Debt
Jorge Vilches
Too Big for Fed: Have Central Banks Lost Control?
Sam Husseini
Why Trump is Wrong About Waterboarding — It’s Probably Not What You Think
Binoy Kampmark
The Perils of Certainty: Obama and the Assad Regime
Roger Annis
State of Emergency in Crimea
Soud Sharabani
ISIS in Lebanon: An Interview with Andre Vltchek
Thomas Knapp
NATO: This Deal is a Turkey
November 24, 2015
Dave Lindorff
An Invisible US Hand Leading to War? Turkey’s Downing of a Russian Jet was an Act of Madness
Mike Whitney
Turkey Downs Russian Fighter to Draw NATO and US Deeper into Syrian Quagmire
Walter Clemens
Who Created This Monster?
Patrick Graham
Bombing ISIS Will Not Work
Lida Maxwell
Who Gets to Demand Safety?
Eric Draitser
Refugees as Weapons in a Propaganda War
David Rosen
Trump’s Enemies List: a Trial Balloon for More Repression?
Eric Mann
Playing Politics While the Planet Sizzles
Chris Gilbert
“Why Socialism?” Revisited: Reflections Inspired by Einstein’s Article
Charles Davis
NSA Spies on Venezuela’s Oil Company
Michael Barker
Democracy vs. Political Policing
Barry Lando
Shocked by Trump? Churchill Wanted to “Collar Them All”
Cal Winslow
When Workers Fight: the National Union of Healthcare Workers Wins Battle with Kaiser
Norman Pollack
Where Does It End?: Left Political Correctness
David Macaray
Companies Continue to Profit by Playing Dumb
Binoy Kampmark
Animals in Conflict: Diesel, Dobrynya and Sentimental Security
Dave Welsh
Defiant Haiti: “We Won’t Let You Steal These Elections!”
November 23, 2015
Vijay Prashad
The Doctrine of 9/11 Anti-Immigration
John Wight
After Paris: Hypocrisy and Mendacity Writ Large
Joseph G. Ramsey
No Excuses, No Exceptions: the Moral Imperative to Offer Refuge
Patrick Cockburn
ISIS Thrives on the Disunity of Its Enemies
Andrew Moss
The Message of Montgomery: 60 Years Later
Jim Green
James Hansen’s Nuclear Fantasies
Robert Koehler
The Absence of History in the Aftermath of Paris
Dave Lindorff
The US Media and Propaganda
Dave Randle
France and Martial Law
Gilbert Mercier
If We Are at War, Let’s Bring Back the Draft!
Alexey Malashenko
Putin’s Syrian Gambit
Binoy Kampmark
Closing the Door: US Politics and the Refugee Debate