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February 22, 2010

The Vatican’s Top Ten Album List

by MARC A. CATONE

L’Osservatore Romano, the official newspaper of the Vatican, released its Top Ten Albums list this past week.
They are:

1: Revolver…The Beatles
2: Dark Side Of The Moon…Pink Floyd
3: (What’s The Story) Morning Glory…Oasis
4: Thriller… Michael Jackson
5: Achtung Baby…U2
6:   Rumours…Fleetwood Mac
7: The Nightfly…Donald Fagen
8:   Supernatural…Carlos Santana
9.   Graceland…Paul Simon
10. If I Could Only Remember My Name…David Crosby

As a fervent Beatles fan, I am always happy to see an album by the Fab Four reach the top of anyone’s list of favorites. More than likely, one of the reasons that "Revolver" was chosen Number One by the Vatican is the repeated observation of "I know what it’s like to be dead" in "She Said She Said". However, that doesn’t explain the selection of an album containing "Eleanor Rigby" in which "no one was saved". Still, a compelling rationale for "Revolver" as the Church’s top choice might be "Taxman", made in eternal thankfulness for their non-taxable holdings. Obviously, the album, "Rubber Soul", was never in the running.

Apparently, in the selection of "Thriller", the Vatican has granted absolution to the late Michael Jackson for crotch grabbing in his videos. "Achtung Baby" could be an indirect acknowledgement of the Church’s role during the Holocaust. As for David Crosby, whose music I greatly enjoy…if I could only remember that album. The glaring omission of "The Stranger" from the Top Ten list signals that the Holy See is not ready to forgive Billy Joel for "Only The Good Die Young". As for "Supernatural" by Carlos Santana…I saw an image of the "Last Supper" in this morning’s breakfast toast…perhaps the editor at L’Osservatore Romano had a similar experience.

Sources tell me that the B’nai B’rith is coming out with their own Top Ten List. Rumor has it that they have selected "Magical Mystery Tour" by The Beatles as its top album based on a misunderstanding that one of the songs is entitled, "Your Mother Should Only Know".

[No Dylan in that list. Osservatore Romano, now edited by with-it Gian Maria Vian, dissed him because he “had turned Messianic” after converting to Christianity, and because he had written “three-note songs” that “tried the ears and patience of listeners.” Editors.]

MARC A. CATONE can be reached at marc_catone@yahoo.com