FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Rush to the Rescue

by JAMES McENTEER

“The Obama regime has shown itself incapable of taking the necessary bold steps to end the economic catastrophe that began with Clinton-era liberal malfeasance. We’re beyond bailouts and other rearguard efforts. This is not the Great Depression. It is the Apocalypse. We must act quickly and decisively to make it an American Apocalypse, not some multicultural mashup that nobody really wins. Because without losers there are no winners, folks, so Let’s not go wobbly, as Maggie Thatcher used to say, or waste time lamenting the fate of the less gifted, less able, less lucky.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures. Unless we risk all, we cannot win all. The “fairness doctrine” is a sham in mass media or in life. It’s America First and Only, Survival of the Fittest, Might makes right, Manifest Destiny, My Country Right or Wrong and any other cultural supremacy cliché you know. Here’s what we must do:

“1. Every man and woman between 18 and 60 who signs up for unemployment benefits is automatically registered for the military draft. Of course not all will be accepted for military service, but within 90 days of signing up, every potential draftee will be tested physically and mentally for fitness to serve. And then inducted. This rapid massive build-up will provide needed employment for millions and prepare the United States for its ordained mission.

“2. A U.S.-led coalition of the at-least-semi-docile will invade selected oil-producing countries, including Venezuela and Iran. With control of these huge, strategic oil reserves, the United States will have sufficient supplies to run our super-sized armed forces worldwide, jump start our domestic economy and dictate trade terms across the planet. We shall redouble our troop strength in Iraq and Afghanistan to subdue insurgents once and for all. If we cannot destroy them we will pay them to join us. Our supporting allies – presumably all the other English-speaking provinces whom we subsidize (England, Canada, Australia) – will share in the (sp)oil(s).

“3. Disband the United Nations. Liberals, their allies in underdeveloped countries and various Euro-smarties have for decades accused the United States of trying to be the world’s policeman. Unfortunately they were wrong and the world has suffered for it. But now we will be the planet’s cop. And things will run a hell of a lot smoother as a result. One efficient empire is much better than hundreds of messy, competing independent states. And we’ll get those foreign agitators out of Manhattan.

“4. Deport all undesirables. Not just the wetbacks, anyone who fails a basic English test. If they can’t learn the common tongue that unites our great nation, they need to leave. Right now. All citizens will be required to pledge their loyalty. We need to know where everyone stands. If you’re not with us, you’ve got to go, whether or not your or your grandmother was born in the USA. That half-built fence along the Mexican frontier is going to be finished and reinforced. Our beefed-up military will protect our southern border with orders to shoot to kill. No more amnesty. No more sending people back in busses. You cross illegally, you die. End of story.

“5. Legalize all drugs. In times of crisis, necessity trumps morality. Ask Hillary Clinton, who just told the Chinese how happy we are to trade with them despite their abysmal human rights record. The War on Drugs is a costly failure, giving us no control over their dissemination and no profits from their sales. By legalizing and taxing marijuana, heroin, methedrine, cocaine, etc. we can turn the dreadful losses of ineffectual enforcement into mega-profits. Conservatives such as Milton Friedman and William F. Buckley have also endorsed this strategy, folks, so hold all your hate mail.

“Remember, even if global warming were happening, it would not be our fault. And you don’t have to thank me for saving this planet. I do it because I can. With talent on loan from God. If I were any smarter you wouldn’t be able to understand me.”

(Nationally syndicated radio personality Rush Limbaugh, subject of Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot, and other books, can talk faster than most people – including him – can think.)

JAMES McENTEER is the author of Shooting the Truth: the Rise of American Political Documentaries (Praeger 2006). He lives in Cochabamba, Bolivia.

 

 

James McEnteer’s most recent book is Acting Like It Matters: John Malpede and the Los Angeles Poverty DepartmentHe lives in Quito, Ecuador.

Weekend Edition
May 06, 2016
Friday - Sunday
Charles R. Larson
Being Gay in China, Circa 1987
David Yearsley
Skepticism, Irony, and Doubt: Williams on Bach
May 05, 2016
David L. Glotzer
Welcome to Fortified Europe: the Militarization of Europe’s Borders
Adam Szetela
Beyoncé’s “Formation” and the Boutique Activism of the Left
Bruce Lerro
Lost at Sea: Left Liberals Have No Party
Paul Cochrane
Hot Air in the Saudi Desert: a Kingdom in Descent?
Brian Terrell
My Visit to a Las Vegas Jail
Judith Deutsch
The Military’s “Securitization” of Climate Change
Phyllis Bennis
Kunduz Bombing: Proof the Pentagon Should Not Be Allowed to Investigate Itself for War Crimes
Chad Nelson
When Compassion is Terrorism: Animal Rights in a Post-911 World
Dan Arel
Making Sanders’ Dream a Reality Through Political Activism
Kent Paterson
Ten Years Later: Reflections on the Legacies of Immigrant Spring
Serge Halimi
Why Firefighters are Against Free Trade
Andrew Stewart
Green Bernie or Green Party Machine?
Binoy Kampmark
Yuri Gagarin in Space: the Politics of Cosmic Discovery
Hayes Rowan
This Naming of Things
May 04, 2016
Kshama Sawant
It’s Not About Bernie: Why We Can’t Let Our Revolution Die in Philadelphia
Conn Hallinan
Baiting the Bear: Russia and NATO
Joshua Frank
Hanford’s Leaky Nuke Tanks and Sick Workers, A Never-Ending Saga
Paul Craig Roberts
TIPP: Advancing American Imperialism
Ted Rall
Hillary to Bernie Supporters: Don’t Vote for Me!
Eric Draitser
Hillary Clinton and Wall Street’s Neoliberal War on Latin America
Leslie Scott
The Story of Jill Stein: Putting People, Peace and the Planet Before Profits
Ann Garrison
Building the Greens Into a Mass Party: Interview with Bruce Dixon
Tom Clifford
Crying Rape: Trump’s China-Bashing
Lawrence Davidson
Getting Rid of Bad Examples: Andrew Jackson & Woodrow Wilson
Ellen Brown
Bank of North Dakota Soars Despite Oil Bust: A Blueprint for California?
Nelson Valdes
Is Fidel Castro Outside or Part of Mainstream Thinking? A Selection of Quotes
Jesse Jackson
Don’t Send Flint Down the Drain: Fix It!
Nathan Riley
Help Bernie Keep His Halo
Rivera Sun
Remembering Nonviolent History: Freedom Rides
Clancy Sigal
Rachel and the Isolationists: How Maddow Blew It
Laura Finley
Changing the Conversation About “The Woman Card”
CJ Hopkins
Coming this Summer … Revenge of the Bride of Sophie’s Choice
May 03, 2016
Gary Leupp
Hillary Clinton’s Foreign Policy Resumé: What the Record Shows
Michèle Brand – Arun Gupta
What is the “Nuit Debout”?
Chuck Churchill
The Failures of Capitalism, Donald Trump and Right Wing Terror
Dave Marsh
Bernie and the Greens
John Wight
Zionism Should be on Trial, Not Ken Livingstone
Rev. John Dear
A Dweller in Peace: the Life and Times of Daniel Berrigan
Patrick Cockburn
Saudi Arabia’s Great Leap Forward: What Would Mao Think?
Doug Johnson Hatlem
Electoral Votes Matter: Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders vs Donald Trump
Chris Gilbert
Venezuela Today: This Must Be Progress
Pepe Escobar
The Calm Before the Coming Global Storm
Ruth Fowler
Intersecting with the Identity Police (Or Why I Stopped Writing Op-Eds)
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail