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Back to the Future With Barack


Here is a taste of Obama’s “Back to the Future” cabinet.  For those of you who voted for him with the hope that the US would soon become a North American Sweden— you were wrong and we told you so.  I just didn’t think it would only take two weeks to become clear.  I guess Barack doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about him being a “progressive” or something so he stocked his cabinet with rightist retreads.  And here I was worried that the new administration would be difficult to oppose with the kind of vehemence I usually oppose bourgeois governance.  Lucky me.

Here they are:

Timothy Geithner, president of the New York Federal Reserve Bank for Federal Reserve.  He never met a bank he didn’t want to take home like a little lost puppy and nurse back to health.  If you own a bank, you’re in good hands.

Lawrence Summers former Treasury Secretary of the Clinton administration to lead the “economic team”.  Meaning the guy who deregulated wholesale will reregulate?  I suppose the best person to clean something up is the one who made the mess.  Wait, I think that only works with kids and toys.  I’ll ask my mom and get back to you.

For Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. The Senator from New York (well not really from New York), married to one William J. Clinton and lambasted in the campaign by Obama on her hawkish foreign policy.  She has plans, long term plans of which she plays the starring role.  A real good friend to the Zionists, she shares their primal fear of uppity Iranians.  Since she already knows how to dodge bullets I suggest the border region of Pakistan as her first assignment.

Commerce Secretary Bill Richardson, former United Nations ambassador and energy secretary during President Bill Clinton’s administration.  Richardson is a tool, I can’t think of anything to say about the guy.  He is just such a wonk.  I think he thought he might get State, which he has been angling for all of his life.  If Hillary’s ego should make it impossible for her and Obama to be in the same room the sycophant Richardson may bat clean up.  By the way, I understand that the White House walls are being removed between rooms.  Apparently more space is need to fit the inflated egos of Obama’s new cabinet.  Like two people walking with open umbrellas Obama and Clinton have to stay a clear five feet from each other at all times lest their huge heads collide.

Health and Human Services goes to Tom Daschle, longtime leader of the Senate Dems.  Daschle is a tool though apparently he was so liberal (as Obama’s defenders are apt to point out) that the good people of South Dakota wouldn’t have him.  And what was the main reason he lost?  Certainly not abortion where NARAL gave the Democratic leader a miserable score of 50 out of 100.  Since his loss he has made himself busy as a “Senior Policy Adviser” with the law firm Alston & Bird whose interests include CVS Caremark, the National Association for Home Care and Hospice, Abbott Laboratories and HealthSouth to the tune of about a million a year.  All these companies are firm supporters of national health care…in fact, they are going to expropriate themselves.

National Security Adviser goes to Marine General James Jones (we’ll call him Jim Jones), former NATO commander and board member of Exxon and Boeing.  He is a “Middle East Expert” apparently.  I guess that means he knows where the oil (and bodies) are buried (or to be buried).

Eric Holder for Attorney General, former Justice Department official under the Clinton Administration and legal aid to Colombian oligarchs accused of killing trade unionists.  Obama “made points” in the debates over the Colombian Free Trade Act.  I guess he must not have consulted Holder before hand.  Now he’ll get the chance.  Role on Colombia, role on.

For Homeland Security wall-happy, loather of immigrants and Governor of Arizona Janet Napolitano.  She has been a big proponent of building a wall to keep out our southern neighbors’ Tired, Poor and Hungry.  Her next act?   Only full citizens can visit the Statue of Liberty (unless you’re there to mop the floors).

Defense goes to a Bushie with current Defense Secretary Robert Gates staying on for awhile possibly to be followed by Chuck Hagel, Republican Senator from Nebraska.  Clinton gave Defense to the Republicans as well with Bill Cohen stepping in to prove that, when it comes to foreign affairs, the country “stands together”.  Wait, didn’t Obama campaign on being opposed to the way the military was being utilized?  I guess there is no firmer opposition than appropriation.  I just made that up but Barack, if you are listening, you can use it.

And is there a bone thrown to “the left” yet?  One hears whispers of the EPA going to Robert Kennedy, Jr.  I think the only thing progressive about him is that he shares a name with a guy who ran for President some years ago with the promise of ending the war in Vietnam and continuing the Great Society (after he and his bro busted unions, invaded Cuba and escalted SE Asia…and had a room full of hookers to act as comapny all the while).   Maybe Todd Gitlin can come in as Minister of Historic Revision.  If we are going to be told that the aim of the Civil Rights Movement was to elect a center-right black man as President it might also be true that the aim of the anti-war movement was really a “right war” movement.  Well, he’ll have all the liberal “humanitarian” interventions he can stomach– and he can put more of those down than that hot-dog-eating-champion Japanese guy (have you seen that kid go?).

MATT SIEGFRIED can be reached at:









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