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19 Aphorisms to Jaundice Your Day


Regarding the abortion debate, I tend to think that life starts when a child develops irony.

The hope of the human race is that we will learn to disagree without believing in anything.

Only brothers could hate each other the way Arabs and Jews do.

The frugal man in a time of prosperity is as wise as he is despised.

When I hear someone say “I’ll pray for you,” I know nothing will get done.

The highest purpose of gun ownership is to shoot back at governments.

It’s almost a certainty today that to be anti-United States is to be pro-American.

The Internet and portable phones have made waste efficient.

The ubiquity of the belief in God is proof only that a lot of people can agree to be wrong.

Priests and judges both wear black robes and they’ll both fuck your children in the ass when you’re not looking.

In the United States, echolalia is called debate.

The wildest law-breaking is usually that done in the name of God and country.

When I hear the American justice system pronounce a man guilty, I will wager on his innocence.

I trust governments only when I am certain they are lying.

The brain-damaging effects of cellphone radiation explains a lot of conversation today.

The more people congregate in a place, the less one finds to like.

Why aren’t those who are pro-choice also pro-abortion?

The United States as currently configured must end if America is to survive.

Whenever I see a crowd gathered, I know nothing worth watching is happening.







Christopher Ketcham is a freelance writer.  You can write him at or see more of his work at

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