Over the Hill with John McCain

by MISSY COMLEY BEATTIE

I’m a very visual person. I hear something and an image begins to form in my mind. When I saw the story about John McCain and lobbyist Vicki Iseman, the vision was of McCain and Iseman, their body parts entangled. I quickly dislodged this from my consciousness, thereby, making a space to explore the New York Times’ revelation of a relationship between the two and, also, to examine if and why those anonymous aides really talked.

Consequently, I have developed my own theory. John McCain, himself, is responsible for the publicity.

Go with me on this. If loads of people were suggesting that I might be too old to discharge certain responsibilities, I would reveal a story to emphasize just how potent I am. And even if the exposed event took place a couple of campaigns ago, I might have chosen that particular tale because of its life-affirming symbolism. Yes, I would pull it, for public consumption, from the past and, then, deny it with calm certitude, even if there were very little beef in the titillating portion of the tale.

I would do this because of Barack Obama.

Obama’s message of hope and change is galvanizing teenagers and young adults, so doesn’t it stand to reason that McCain might throw sex into the mix to connect with youth, a demographic the presumptive GOP nominee is failing to excite?

Maybe, just maybe, John McCain is trying to appear less like a codger and more the feisty heartthrob in order to engage with the "hooking up" and "friends-with-benefits" generation. It’s really not outlandish. Instead, it’s rather old hat or second nature to plenty of politicos in his family-values party who have dipped into the scandal repository of romantic antics.

If I were advising McCain, I would insist:

John, you have to stop planting youngsters in the background at campaign stops. They make you look OLDER. And don’t stand beside anyone with a tan. Do not, I repeat, do not surround yourself with people who are a little bit older than you, like John Warner, George H. W. Bush, and Barbara Bush, those who may be in the silly season of their life. These moldy endorsers only serve to entrench you in the past. If you’re going to pose with a geezer, make it a real photo op and say ‘cheese’ with Mariam Amash, the 120-year-old Israeli woman who’s the oldest person in the world. Mariam could make even you look younger. And take her advice. Drink at least one glass of olive oil a day. A lube job would do wonders for your joints.

Finally, I’d tell John McCain to stop saying he’s served this nation for more than "half a century." Sheesh, that’s a decrepitude giveaway. If he refused my good intentions, I’d suggest he hire someone to paint his bus, renaming it the Eldercare Express, before driving it out to pasture.

Missy Beattie lives in New York City. She’s written for National Public Radio and Nashville Life Magazine. An outspoken critic of the Bush Administration and the war in Iraq, she’s a member of Gold Star Families for Peace. She completed a novel last year, but since the death of her nephew, Marine Lance Cpl. Chase J. Comley, in Iraq on August 6,’05, she has been writing political articles. She can be reached at: Missybeat@aol.com





 


 

Like What You’ve Read? Support CounterPunch
Weekend Edition
August 28-30, 2015
Andrew Levine
Viva Trump?
Jeffrey St. Clair
Long Time Coming, Long Time Gone
Mike Whitney
Looting Made Easy: the $2 Trillion Buyback Binge
Alan Nasser
The Myth of the Middle Class: Have Most Americans Always Been Poor?
Rob Urie
Wall Street and the Cycle of Crises
Ismael Hossein-Zadeh
Behind the Congressional Disagreements Over the Iran Nuclear Deal
Lawrence Ware – Marcus T. McCullough
I Won’t Say Amen: Three Black Christian Clichés That Must Go
Evan Jones
Zionism in Britain: a Neglected Chronicle
John Wight
Learning About the Migration Crisis From Ancient Rome
Andre Vltchek
Lebanon – What if it Fell?
Robert Fantina
Hillary Clinton, Palestine and the Long View
Randy Blazak
Donald Trump is the New Face of White Supremacy
Ben Burgis
Gore Vidal Was Right: What Best of Enemies Leaves Out
Suzanne Gordon
How Vets May Suffer From McCain’s Latest Captivity
Robert Sandels - Nelson P. Valdés
The Cuban Adjustment Act: the Other Immigration Mess
Uri Avnery
The Molten Three: Israel’s Aborted Strike on Iran
John Stanton
Israel’s JINSA Earns Return on Investment: 190 Americans Admirals and Generals Oppose Iran Deal
Bill Yousman
The Fire This Time: Ta-Nehisi Coates’s “Between the World and Me”
Michael Welton
The Conversable World: Finding a Compass in Post-9/11 Times
Brian Cloughley
Don’t be Black in America
Charles Pierson
How the US and the WTO Crushed India’s Subsidies for Solar Energy
Kent Paterson
In Search of the Great New Mexico Chile Pepper in a Post-NAFTA Era
Binoy Kampmark
Live Death on Air: The Killings at WDBJ
Gui Rochat
The Guise of American Democracy
Emma Scully
Vultures Over Puerto Rico: the Financial Implications of Dependency
Chuck Churchill
Is “White Skin Privilege” the Key to Understanding Racism?
Kathleen Wallace
The Id(iots) Emerge
Andrew Stewart
Zionist Hip-Hop: a Critical Look at Matisyahu
Gregg Shotwell
The Fate of the UAW: Study, Aim, Fire
Halyna Mokrushyna
Decentralization Reform in Ukraine
Scott Parkin
Katrina Plus Ten: Climate Justice in Action
Norman Pollack
World Capitalism, a Basket Case: A Layman’s View
Sarah Lazare
Listening to Iraq
John Laforge
NSP/Xcel Energy Falsified Welding Test Documents on Rad Waste Casks
Wendell G Bradley
Drilling for Wattenberg Oil is Not Profitable
Joy First
Wisconsin Walk for Peace and Justice: Nine Arrested at Volk Field
Mel Gurtov
China’s Insecurity
Mateo Pimentel
An Operator’s Guide to Trump’s Racism
Yves Engler
Harper Conservatives and Abuse of Power
Michael Dickinson
Police Guns of Brixton: Another Unarmed Black Shot by London Cops
Ron Jacobs
Daydream Sunset: a Playlist
Charles R. Larson
The Beginning of the Poppy Wars: Amitav Ghosh’s “Flood of Fire”
David Yearsley
A Rising Star Over a Dark Forest
August 27, 2015
Sam Husseini
Foreign Policy, Sanders-Style: Backing Saudi Intervention
Brad Evans – Henry A. Giroux
Self-Plagiarism and the Politics of Character Assassination: the Case of Zygmunt Bauman