FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Thank You, Fox News

by KONA LOWELL

A few years ago a study was conducted by the Program on International Policy (PIPA) at the University of Maryland and Knowledge Networks to gauge Americans’ perceptions on the Iraq war and determine their degree of support for it. An amazing coincidence was found. It seems that those who relied on Fox News for their information were more likely to suffer from misperceptions than those who watched other networks! The polling revealed that 48% incorrectly believed that evidence of links between Iraq and al Qaeda had been proven, 22% that weapons of mass destruction were discovered in Iraq, and 25% swore on stacks of Bibles that world public opinion favored the US going to war with Iraq. In all, 60% of Fox viewers held fast to at least one of these three misperceptions.

As you can imagine, support for the war rose dramatically and proportionally according to the degree of misperception. And while I will fight to the death to preserve others’ rights to be willfully–and even dangerously–ignorant, too much Fox News might be a bad thing. Here are some warning signs that it could be time to get your news elsewhere:

You firmly believe that Saddam Hussein personally flew one of the planes into the World Trade Center and parachuted out at the last second.

You believe that all the WMD were secretly shipped to Venezuela.

You believe that any country that begins with I-R-A must be bombed into a pre-Stone Age, radioactive pile of rubble, just to be on the safe side.

You believe this will cause the surviving inhabitants to love us.

You believe that Jesus, like democracy, can be delivered from 30,000 feet or in short, fully-automatic bursts.

Your find nothing unusual in a young, athletic woman suddenly dying alone in Joe Scarborough’s office, after his premature resignation from Congress amid rumors of infidelity following his divorce. Happens all the time.

You would let Joe Scarborough date your sister.

You know more about missing white women than any of your friends.

You think Brit Hume is handsome.

You consider Fox to be living up to their motto, “Fair and Balanced” by allowing Alan Colmes to audit Hannity’s lectures.

You think Alan Colmes is a liberal.

You have named your three children O’Reilly, Hannity and Cavuto. All three are girls.

You believe that war in Iraq has been a smashing success. You can’t wait to watch other people fight the next one.

You believe George W. Bush is a direct descendant of Jesus Christ.

You think that Jesus could learn a thing or two from George.

You would go hunting with Dick Cheney.

You would go hunting and drinking with Dick Cheney.

You believe Helen Thomas is bin Laden’s mother.

You cannot understand why “Orwellian” is considered a negative term.

You believe Ann Coulter is a voice of Christian compassion and reason and have a poster of her on your bedroom wall, wearing a leather bustier, thigh-high black boots and holding a whip while kicking a kitten.

You wish everyone would quit bullying O’Reilly, especially that Jew Al Franken.

You have removed the words “loofa” and “falafel” from your vocabulary. Okay, they were never really in your vocabulary, but if they were you would remove them.

You find the female Fox reporters extremely sexy. Something about whores with gravitas.

You believe that the Palestinians should go back to their own country.

You didn’t notice that Tony Snow got a new job.

You believe Fox News is actually a branch of the United States government. You are right for once.

KONA LOWELL is the author of The Solid Green Birthday and Other Fables and runs the Dolphin. He lives in Hawai’i and can be reached through his website: konalowell.com

 

 

More articles by:
Weekend Edition
June 24, 2016
Friday - Sunday
Pepe Escobar
Goodbye to All That: Why the UK Left the EU
Michael Hudson
Revolts of the Debtors: From Socrates to Ibn Khaldun
Andrew Levine
Summer Spectaculars: Prelude to a Tea Party?
Kshama Sawant
Beyond Bernie: Still Not With Her
Mike Whitney
¡Basta Ya, Brussels! British Voters Reject EU Corporate Slavestate
Tariq Ali
Panic in the House: Brexit as Revolt Against the Political Establishment
Paul Street
Miranda, Obama, and Hamilton: an Orwellian Ménage à Trois for the Neoliberal Age
Ellen Brown
The War on Weed is Winding Down, But Will Monsanto Emerge the Winner?
Gary Leupp
Why God Created the Two-Party System
Conn Hallinan
Brexit Vote: a Very British Affair (But Spain May Rock the Continent)
Ruth Fowler
England, My England
Norman Pollack
Fissures in World Capitalism: the British Vote
Paul Bentley
Mercenary Logic: 12 Dead in Kabul
Binoy Kampmark
Parting Is Such Sweet Joy: Brexit Prevails!
Elliot Sperber
Show Me Your Papers: Supreme Court Legalizes Arbitrary Searches
Jan Oberg
The Brexit Shock: Now It’s All Up in the Air
Nauman Sadiq
Brexit: a Victory for Britain’s Working Class
Brian Cloughley
Murder by Drone: Killing Taxi Drivers in the Name of Freedom
Ramzy Baroud
How Israel Uses Water as a Weapon of War
Brad Evans – Henry Giroux
The Violence of Forgetting
Ben Debney
Homophobia and the Conservative Victim Complex
Margaret Kimberley
The Orlando Massacre and US Foreign Policy
David Rosen
Americans Work Too Long for Too Little
Murray Dobbin
Do We Really Want a War With Russia?
Kathy Kelly
What’s at Stake
Louis Yako
I Have Nothing “Newsworthy” to Report this Week
Pete Dolack
Killing Ourselves With Technology
David Krieger
The 10 Worst Acts of the Nuclear Age
Lamont Lilly
Movement for Black Lives Yields New Targets of the State
Martha Rosenberg
A Hated Industry Fights Back
Robert Fantina
Hillary, Gloria and Jill: a Brief Look at Alternatives
Chris Doyle
No Fireworks: Bicentennial Summer and the Decline of American Ideals
Michael Doliner
Beyond Dangerous: the Politics of Climate
Colin Todhunter
Modi, Monsanto, Bayer and Cargill: Doing Business or Corporate Imperialism?
Steve Church
Brexit: a Rush for the Exits!
Matthew Koehler
Mega Corporation Gobbles Up Slightly Less-Mega Corporation; Chops Jobs to Increase Profits; Blames Enviros. Film at 11.
David Green
Rape Culture, The Hunting Ground, and Amy Goodman: a Critical Perspective
Ed Kemmick
Truckin’: Pro Driver Dispenses Wisdom, Rules of the Road
Alessandro Bianchi
“China Will React if Provoked Again: You Risk the War”: Interview with Andre Vltchek
Christy Rodgers
Biophilia as Extreme Sport
Missy Comley Beattie
At Liberty
Ron Jacobs
Is Everything Permitted?
Cesar Chelala
The Sad Truth About Messi
Charles R. Larson
A Review of Mary Roach’s “Grunt”
David Yearsley
Stuck in Houston on the Cusp of the Apocalypse
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail