Sleeper Cells in South Dakota?


Attention Homeland Security: The Taliban may have sleeper cells in South Dakota!

What else could explain our neighboring state’s fanatical move to ban abortion in virtually all circumstances? The mullahs in South Dakota don’t want women to have control over their own bodies or the right to choose, even in cases of rape and incest. Under the new law, doctors who perform these procedures will face a $5,000 fine and five years in prison.

Yes, let’s all go back to the dark days and put women back in their place. Ban birth control and make motherhood mandatory. Shut down those domestic violence shelters and allow men to beat their wives in public again.

What’s next? Will South Dakota’s religious zealots require all females to wear burkas? I suppose burkas would help to ward off those pesky mosquitoes in the summer and prevent frostbite in the winter.

But seriously, I hope all Minnesotans will respond to this assault on women’s rights by boycotting South Dakota. Hit them where it hurts, in their tourism industry pocketbook.

If you’re a gambler, don’t bet in Deadwood. There are plenty of casinos right here in Minnesota that will take your hard-earned money. Try the Treasure Island resort & casino near Red Wing, featuring a large no-smoking area and scenic views of the Prairie Island nuclear power plant.

Forget Mount Rushmore ­ it’s over-rated and not as big as it looks in pictures. Steer clear of the Black Hills area, too. It’s just one big tacky tourist trap. If you want to see hills, visit beautiful southeastern Minnesota.

Cancel that exciting trip you planned to the Corn Palace in Mitchell. Pass by Wall Drug, the Reptile Gardens, and avoid Custer State Park. Do you really want to patronize a state park named after a guy who mercilessly butchered Native American men, women, and children?

If you’re a Harley rider, be sure to boycott the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. Instead tell all your biker buddies to converge at the Long Branch saloon in Worthington, which is only an hour’s drive east of the South Dakota border on I-90. Remember, South Dakota was the state that coddled former governor Bill Janklow after he recklessly sped through a stop sign and killed a Minnesota motorcyclist.

To really put the squeeze on South Dakota, why not cut up all those South Dakota-based credit cards that are ripping you off with 22 percent APRs? Check out the return address on your credit card bills and act accordingly. Then write out a check to Planned Parenthood with all the money you’ll be saving.

This battle is going to be a big one.

PAT WOLFF lives in Minnetonka, Minnesota. She can be reached at: paw952@gmail.com


November 30, 2015
Henry Giroux
Trump’s Embrace of Totalitarianism is America’s Dirty Little Secret
Omur Sahin Keyif
An Assassination in Turkey: the Killing of Tahir Elci
Uri Avnery
There is No Such Thing as International Terrorism
Robert Fisk
70,000 Kalashnikovs: Cameron’s “Moderate” Rebels
Jamie Davidson
Distortion, Revisionism & the Liberal Media
Patrick Cockburn
Nasty Surprises: the Problem With Bombing ISIS
Robert Hunziker
The Looming Transnational Battlefield
Ahmed Gaya
Breaking the Climate Mold: Fighting for the Planet and Justice
Matt Peppe
Alan Gross’s Improbable Tales on 60 Minutes
Norman Pollack
Israel and ISIS: Needed, a Thorough Accounting
Colin Todhunter
India – Procession of the Dead: Shopping Malls and Shit
Roger Annis
Canada’s New Climate-Denying National Government
Binoy Kampmark
Straining the Republic: France’s State of Emergency
Bill Blunden
Glenn Greenwald Stands by the Official Narrative
Jack Rasmus
Japan’s 5th Recession in 7 Years
Karen Lee Wald
Inside the Colombia Peace Deal
Geoff Dutton
War in Our Time
Charles R. Larson
Twofers for Carly Fiorina
John Dear
An Eye for an Eye Makes the Whole World Blind
Weekend Edition
November 27-29, 2015
Andrew Levine
The Real Trouble With Bernie
Gary Leupp
Ben Carson, Joseph in Egypt, and the Attack on Rational Thought
John Whitbeck
Who’s Afraid of ISIS?
Michael Brenner
Europe’s Crisis: Terror, Refugees and Impotence
Pepe Escobar
Will Chess, Not Battleship, Be the Game of the Future in Eurasia?
Ramzy Baroud
Forget ISIS: Humanity is at Stake
Vijay Prashad
Showdown on the Syrian Border
Dave Lindorff
Gen. John Campbell, Commander in Afghanistan and Serial Liar
Colin Todhunter
Class, War and David Cameron
Jean Bricmont
The Ideology of Humanitarian Imperialism
Mark Hand
Escape From New York: the Emancipation of Activist Cecily McMillan
Dan Glazebrook
Deadliest Terror in the World: the West’s Latest Gift to Africa
Karl Grossman
Our Solar Bonanza!
Mats Svensson
Madness in Hebron: Hashem Had No Enemies, Yet Hashem Was Hated
Walter Brasch
Terrorism on American Soil
Louisa Willcox
Grizzly Bears, Dreaming and the Frontier of Wonder
Michael Welton
Yahweh is Not Exactly Politically Correct
Joseph Natoli
A Politics of Stupid and How to Leave It Behind
John Cox
You Should Fear Racism and Xenophobia, Not Syrian Refugees or Muslims
Barrie Gilbert
Sacrificing the Grizzlies of Katmai Park: the Plan to Turn Brooks Camp Into a Theme
Rev. William Alberts
The Church of “Something Else” in “an Ecclesiastical Desert”
Andrew Gavin Marshall
Bank Crimes Pay
Elliot Murphy
Cameron’s Syrian Strategy
Gareth Porter
How Terror in Paris Calls for Revising US Syria Policy
Thomas S. Harrington
Jeff Jacoby of the Boston Globe and the Death of Ezra Schwartz
Michael Perino
The Arc of Instability