FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Sleeper Cells in South Dakota?

by PAT WOLFF

Attention Homeland Security: The Taliban may have sleeper cells in South Dakota!

What else could explain our neighboring state’s fanatical move to ban abortion in virtually all circumstances? The mullahs in South Dakota don’t want women to have control over their own bodies or the right to choose, even in cases of rape and incest. Under the new law, doctors who perform these procedures will face a $5,000 fine and five years in prison.

Yes, let’s all go back to the dark days and put women back in their place. Ban birth control and make motherhood mandatory. Shut down those domestic violence shelters and allow men to beat their wives in public again.

What’s next? Will South Dakota’s religious zealots require all females to wear burkas? I suppose burkas would help to ward off those pesky mosquitoes in the summer and prevent frostbite in the winter.

But seriously, I hope all Minnesotans will respond to this assault on women’s rights by boycotting South Dakota. Hit them where it hurts, in their tourism industry pocketbook.

If you’re a gambler, don’t bet in Deadwood. There are plenty of casinos right here in Minnesota that will take your hard-earned money. Try the Treasure Island resort & casino near Red Wing, featuring a large no-smoking area and scenic views of the Prairie Island nuclear power plant.

Forget Mount Rushmore ­ it’s over-rated and not as big as it looks in pictures. Steer clear of the Black Hills area, too. It’s just one big tacky tourist trap. If you want to see hills, visit beautiful southeastern Minnesota.

Cancel that exciting trip you planned to the Corn Palace in Mitchell. Pass by Wall Drug, the Reptile Gardens, and avoid Custer State Park. Do you really want to patronize a state park named after a guy who mercilessly butchered Native American men, women, and children?

If you’re a Harley rider, be sure to boycott the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. Instead tell all your biker buddies to converge at the Long Branch saloon in Worthington, which is only an hour’s drive east of the South Dakota border on I-90. Remember, South Dakota was the state that coddled former governor Bill Janklow after he recklessly sped through a stop sign and killed a Minnesota motorcyclist.

To really put the squeeze on South Dakota, why not cut up all those South Dakota-based credit cards that are ripping you off with 22 percent APRs? Check out the return address on your credit card bills and act accordingly. Then write out a check to Planned Parenthood with all the money you’ll be saving.

This battle is going to be a big one.

PAT WOLFF lives in Minnetonka, Minnesota. She can be reached at: paw952@gmail.com

 

More articles by:
May 26, 2016
Paul Craig Roberts
The Looting Stage of Capitalism: Germany’s Assault on the IMF
Pepe Escobar
Hillary Clinton: A Major Gold-Digging Liability
Sam Pizzigati
America’s Cosmic Tax Gap
Ramzy Baroud
Time to End the ‘Hasbara’: Palestinian Media and the Search for a Common Story
José L. Flores
Wall Street’s New Man in Brazil: The Forces Behind Dilma Rousseff’s Impeachment
Patrick Cockburn
The Battle of Fallujah: ISIS Unleashes Its Death Squads
John Feffer
The Coming Drone Blowback
Alex Ray
The Death Toll in Syria: What Do the Numbers Really Say?
Richard Pithouse
We Shall be the Prey and the Vulture
Binoy Kampmark
Trump and the Polls of Loathing
Manuel E. Yepe
A Cruise Ship Without Tourists Arrives in Havana
Jack Rasmus
Greek Debt Negotiations: Will the IMF Exit the Troika?
Ajamu Nangwaya
Pan-Africanism, Feminism and Finding Missing Pan-Africanist Women
Howard Lisnoff
Israel, a Palestinian State and Anti-Semitism
May 25, 2016
Eric Draitser
Obama in Hiroshima: A Case Study in Hypocrisy
Ryan Mallett-Outtrim
Does Venezuela’s Crisis Prove Socialism Doesn’t Work?
Dan Arel
The Socialist Revolution Beyond Sanders and the Democratic Party
Marc Estrin
Cocky-Doody Politics and World Affairs
Sam Husseini
Layers of Islamophobia: Do Liberals Care That Hillary Returned “Muslim Money”?
Susan Babbitt
Invisible in Life, Invisible in Death: How Information Becomes Useless
Mel Gurtov
Hillary’s Cowgirl Diplomacy?
Kathy Kelly
Hammering for Peace
Dick Reavis
The Impeachment of Donald Trump
Wahid Azal
Behind the Politics of a Current Brouhaha in Iran: an Ex-President Ayatollah’s Daughter and the Baha’is
Jesse Jackson
Obama Must Recommit to Eliminating Nuclear Arms
Colin Todhunter
From the Green Revolution to GMOs: Living in the Shadow of Global Agribusiness
Binoy Kampmark
Turkey as Terror: the Role of Ankara in the Brexit Referendum
Dave Lindorff
72-Year-Old Fringe Left Candidate Wins Presidency in Austrian Run-Off Election
May 24, 2016
Sharmini Peries - Michael Hudson
The Financial Invasion of Greece
Jonathan Cook
Religious Zealots Ready for Takeover of Israeli Army
Ted Rall
Why I Am #NeverHillary
Mari Jo Buhle – Paul Buhle
Television Meets History
Robert Hunziker
Troika Heat-Seeking Missile Destroys Greece
Judy Gumbo
May Day Road Trip: 1968 – 2016
Colin Todhunter
Cheerleader for US Aggression, Pushing the World to the Nuclear Brink
Jeremy Brecher
This is What Insurgency Looks Like
Jonathan Latham
Unsafe at Any Dose: Chemical Safety Failures from DDT to Glyphosate to BPA
Binoy Kampmark
Suing Russia: Litigating over MH17
Dave Lindorff
Europe, the US and the Politics of Pissing and Being Pissed
Matt Peppe
Cashing In at the Race Track While Facing Charges of “Abusive” Lending Practices
Gilbert Mercier
If Bernie Sanders Is Real, He Will Run as an Independent
Peter Bohmer
A Year Later! The Struggle for Justice Continues!
Dave Welsh
Police Chief Fired in Victory for the Frisco 500
May 23, 2016
Conn Hallinan
European Union: a House Divided
Paul Buhle
Labor’s Sell-Out and the Sanders Campaign
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail