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Tanks for the Memories


There’s some terrible news, folks. George W. Bush is going down. Some of you, remembering a couple of pungent appellations I have applied to this horrible little Untermensch and his vampire wet-nurses, might be surprised to hear I’m not delighted about the downturn of his fortune. His poll numbers are breaking records downward. Are not the chickens coming home to roost? Is not schadenfreude the finest of emotions? Let us review just the very tippy top coat of guano raining down on this White House.

The Valerie Plame case, a trifling matter of someone in the White House exposing a CIA operative in order to punish her husband for telling the truth, is the latest big problem. Word on K Street is special prosecutor P. ‘Bulldog’ (his real nickname) Fitzgerald will be handing down indictments soon. Karl ‘Turd Blossom’ Rove (his real nickname), Bush’s Edgar Bergen, has been put out of action by this case, and Lewis ‘Scooter’ (yes, real nickname) Libby, too. VP Dick ‘Dick’ Cheney might be next. Meanwhile a series of hurricanes (the biggest in history is on its way as I crayon these words) has revealed what ‘compassionate conservative’ means: highly conservative with compassion for persons born with a suntan. The Iraq war, which this humble correspondent predicted would be a bloodbath (this makes me practically a soothsayer) turned out to be a bloodbath, and even the most vociferous chickenhawks sense a Vietnam-like pattern emerging.

The news goes on and on. Bush nominated a gal-pal for the Supreme Court so completely unqualified that even Clarence ‘Uncle’ Thomas looks competent by comparison. Tom ‘The Hammer’ (yes, real) DeLay, second-dirtiest man in office, finds himself the subject of indictments of his own and is put out of his leadership position in the House. Bill ‘There’s Money in Medicine’ Frist is accused of insider trading of the type that got Martha Stewart put in the Big, Poorly Decorated House. A half-dozen other Republican Congressmen, senators, and the occasional governor have been discovered in various flagrantes delicto (homosexuality, animal sodomy, election fraud, cannibalism). Even the American public has now heard about the Vice president’s old employer getting most of the no-bid billions to rebuild not only Iraq but New Orleans. The list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Why would this humble correspondent be unhappy about all this misery visited upon a president he calls the Hakenkreuze Hillbilly? Martial law, for one thing.

Yes, kiddies, the Posse Comitatus Act, which limits military participation in domestic police actions, was dealt a swift kick in the cubes during the Clinton administration (I almost miss that big galoot) but Bush and his lads have finished it off. They can pretty much send in the Marines to Anytown, USA, roll their tanks down Main Street, and blow up the rubber stamp company (this joke requires you read the advertising inserts that come with a new box of checks. Please do so now). But surely this won’t happen, right? Just you wait until something else goes wrong.

Look, these people would think nothing of it. Bush was 19 years old when black people won the right to vote in this country. I’m guessing wee Georgie looked at the dogs and guns and ropes and thought them a fitting response to the Negro Problem. He was 24 when American students were gunned down on their own university campus by American soldiers. He stood firmly on the side of the guns, if well back out of harm’s way. So do not imagine for one moment that Bush ­and the homunculi around him, all products of the same influences- would think it ironic or out of place to lock this country down until his leadership can be re-secured. Got to teach those people a lesson. This is how it happens. People stand by in disbelief, and in the blink of an eye, there’s a new reality. For the Bush gang, who genuinely believe themselves to be on the side of virtue, such an action would be mere self-defense, not fascism. All it would take is another terrorist event (and we know how well-secured the country is against that) or a really good disaster, such as a lethal bird flu pandemic or the most powerful hurricane on record, and who would complain? Bring our troops home! They’ve learned a few moves in Iraq that would work even better in Atlanta. So yes, it’s lovely to watch the Bush administration tanking. It’s the tanks I’m worried about.

BEN TRIPP is an independent filmmaker and all-around swine. His book, Square In The Nuts, may be purchased here, with other outlets to follow: . Swag is available as always from http://www.cafeshops/tarantulabros . And Mr. Tripp may be reached at





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