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Support All Suspicious Activity


A message beaming into our brains, last read on east coast highway’s many computerized signs — Report Suspicious Activity. I tried to hold out and not to snitch on the giant unfolding conspiracy but George W. Bush is the kindest sweetest man I ever served under and besides there might be some cash rewards.

Since 9/11, I have noticed a continuing repeating highly suspect pattern in American life that threatens to choke off whatever shreds of democracy remain in our nervous system. I don’t know what gang of mad Muslims is behind the vast plot but its existence is undeniable.

Consider the following:

*Americans from all walks of life, from train conductors doormen and dock workers are being trained to spy on whoever seems a bit unusual. Don’t go out loud reading Ginsberg’s Howl on a Brooklyn subway to ultra Orthodox Jews and be observed by a people’s spy.

*Peace activists have been banned from flying. Even Senator Kennedy is given a tough time. No caped crusaders in our new unfriendly skies.

*Charities and corporations are giving Homeland Guardians information on citizens that even the Feds aren’t allowed to collect on their own. Don’t take a handout if you won’t give a palm print.

* Prisoners are being made to pay rent for their cells. And pick up their check for dining on Le Ball & Chain Cuisine. If you can’t pay up, eventually they’ll take your car and house.

* Radio stations will be required to tape all their programing for future inspection. The stations will have to pick up the costs of being monitored by the government. Even in 1984 Big Brother didn’t charge for the privilege of his power.

*Internet phone services are required to develop technology that will permit the tapping of their phones. That isn’t easy and the costs will be high. You’ll see them in your phone bill.

*Border guards will be permitted to deport foreigners without a court hearing. If you’re yearning to breathe free — try Canada.

*The FBI and the Secret Service are visiting citizens planning to protest at the Republican Convention. Best way not to get indicted is to live in your closet.

*Medical science? We don’t need no stinking medical science.

*A Constitutional Amendment banning Gay marriage is in the works. Much better for patriotic Gays to hang out at free love bath houses. AIDS reduces their surplus population.

*Operation Eternal Old Black Joe currently being waged in Florida aims at Blacks staying home on election day. Peace activists are kept out of the sky but not the high flying Jim Crow.

*Under present day Patriot Act control laws, Martin Luther King would be the terrorist who illegally coerced the city of Montgomery into integrating its bus line. King might even be picked up for indefinite lawyerless confinement in a secret prison but no one’s spotted him for years.

In 1975 my wife and I sued the FBI for breaking into our house on six different occasions. We won. If that happens today and we sue — they will counter sue us for coercion and win.

That’s my admittedly incomplete report. I’ve fully performed my civic duty. Its up to the appropriate officials to defend the Homeland against the unknown undemocratic cabal that is taking control of our hearts and minds. In the meantime I’ll be spray painting Support Suspicious Activity in subway trains and picking up anarchist hitchhikers.

STEW ALBERT runs the Yippie Reading Room. His memoir, Who the Hell is STEW ALBERT?, is just out from Red Hen Press. He can be reached at:


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