I was watching The Learning Channel the other day, when I had a moment of clarity of sorts. They were showing the bizarre eating habits of different cultures, in particular an Icelandic tradition to honor the Vikings. Many people over there like to partake of a certain delicacy consisting of a rotting shark carcass. The locals will track down already-dead beached sharks, take them ashore, gut them and hang them upside down for weeks.
Ammonia forms in these shark carcasses, as they continue to rot—-then they are stored away for about 6 months longer. Later in the year, the locals go and inspect the rotting flesh and decide after it smells putrid enough, that it is ready for consumption. I thought to myself, "Who the hell eats this stuff?"
In an indirect way, this explained to me the people who enjoy Ann Coulter’s columns. I’ve written before about the rotten shark carcasses that Ann has to offer. But it seems that there are people out there who like to consume this putrid, fowl mess. Enough to get her an offer to do a writeup in USA Today for the Democratic National Convention. Too bad, when they read what Ann was serving up, they suddenly lost their collective appetite.
One can only imagine the looks on the faces of the editors of The USA Today, once they got a copy of Coulter’s first DNC submission. Here, they thought that they had the best that the Right-Wing had to offer—sadly, this part is true. She is truly at the head of this sorry class, which speaks volumes about the rest of what they have to offer. More than likely, without reading one of her columns, they summoned her to Boston thinking they were on the cutting edge.
However, what was supposed to be a breakthrough in convention reporting ended up being a flop of epic proportions. As soon as they saw what was on the plate—they kindly passed and ran for the hills.
For all you Coulter lovers out there, you need to realize that she is a one-trick pony. She has written the same article for the last three years, just re-arranging the words. Here is Ann’s recipe for success:
1) Trash some libs,
2) Throw in a racial epithet about some Arabs or Muslims—its ok to be racist towards them,
3) Mix in some material about how she supports the "sane" America. Try finding a Coulter offering that does not have all of the above–it ain’t gonna happen.
In order to become an "accomplished" writer with some political cred, don’t you have to write about more than one subject? Apparently not nowadays. Throw in the fact that she claims to be a moral believing Christian, and the comedy comes full circle. I have yet to uncover the teachings of Christ in Ann’s work–orrect if I’m wrong, but the goal is to educate humanity, not alienate it.
My hunch tells me that Jesus wouldn’t want Coulter rolling with his posse anyhow. His job was to heal the weak and physically sick–but I don’t think anything can be done to help this social leper. So Ann, keep up the good work. Even though you didn’t get your big break this time, you still have your filth-eating masses to consume your bile. They’ll buy your next book and even your action figure—godawful stench included.
IMRAAN SIDDIQI lives in Irving, TX and attends the University of Texas at Arlington. He writes in his spare time on a variety of issues concerning Islam and Muslims. He can be reached via e-mail at: UPBhavan@aol.com