Senator’s Wife Charged with Assault
After causing a slight uproar among the Beltway elites one year ago for placing a "Peace is Patriotic" sign in her home window, Wanda Baucus, wife of Montana Democratic Senator Max Baucus, allegedly sidelined her nonviolent disposition, and assaulted a woman at a garden shopping center near her Georgetown residence on April 20th.
According to multiple eyewitness reports, Wanda was upset because the store’s employees were helping another lady while she was forced to wait. Poor Wanda. With her pet poodle in the car, witnesses told police that she placed a bag of mulch behind the victim’s vehicle, preventing her from leaving the store’s parking lot. A heated exchange ensued, and Wanda purportedly lashed out with her long limbs and nails flailing, which ultimately left bruises and scratches on the women’s body, face, and arms.
In the midst of rage, Wanda jumped in her car and stormed off. Several witnesses stayed and gave reports of the incident to the arriving police, and Wanda returned sometime later with her husband to give her side of the story. Local media showed up shortly after which forced Wanda’s husband Max to ditch the scene, hoping to not be caught on the nightly news with his loony wife in the background talking to the coppers.
On the following day a warrant for Wanda’s arrest was issued, and she was booked at a local Washington DC police station. After being charged with assault, she was released on the promise that she wouldn’t track down the victim or shop at the garden center for a while.
You have to feel for Wanda however. Life is tough out there in DC. When your husband is busy making back door deals with sinister corporations, and your garden store makes you wait even though you have a personal account, anger inevitably festers. Luckily though for Wanda, she’s not black or poor — but rich and wily white with an industrious Senator for a husband. And when her old Max says, "There was a situation involving [my wife]. We are trying to sort it out, going through proper channels," you better believe Max means his channels.
If Wanda is found guilty it’ll be a slap on the wrist, and a dozen hours of anger management at most. Apparently "Peace is Patriotic" unless your in line for mulch, and you have to wait your goddamn turn to helped loading it into your SUV. Or maybe her wrath comes from something deeper. When your husband rapes the environment, supports war, and cheats on you with special interest’s daily, you are bound to go batty at some point.
Advice for Wanda: since they don’t want you working in your garden, why don’t you do some spring cleaning instead. Kick that two-timing husband out on his kisser, and then we will all pray Montanans follow your lead and do the same in 2006.