FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Yo Democrats! Wake Up!

by JASON LEOPOLD

Hey you! Tom Daschle. WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’ve been taking Tylenol PM again haven’t you? I knew it. I told you that stuff makes you groggy. Get your punk ass out of bed and get back to work. And this time don’t forget to dust off your balls, you piece of crap.

What are you laughing at Nancy Pelosi? You suck too. Big time. You call yourself a whip? You should take that whip and hang yourself. I’m sorry. Did you say something Dick Gephardt? You didn’t? Gee, I’m not surprised.

You gutless, spineless, brain-dead, paralyzed, sorry excuses for human beings, don’t you know that Bush, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and his assistant, that gnome Paul Wolfowitz, are trying to take over the world? You think that by ignoring them they’re just going to go away?

What was that Carl Levin? Aliens abducted you? What’s your excuse Russ Feingold? How about you Joe Biden? Oh for crying out loud. He peed his pants again. Biden, how many times do I have to tell you that I am not President Bush? Helloooooooooo Barbara Boxer? Are you with me? Would somebody tap that cow on the shoulder and make sure she’s still alive. Jeez.

This is serious you pussies. I’ve spoken to your families. Your kids hate you, your parents have disowned you, your spouses refuse to make love to you and almost everyone in America wants to stone the Democratic party to death, cut off all of your heads and hang it off the rear view mirror of their SUV’s.

No more screwing around. Listen up! I want all of you to rent the movie Rocky and watch it over and over again until you understand what self-respect is. When you finally get some, use it to stand up to these madmen.

We, the civilized people of planet earth, can’t take it anymore. We’re losing our civil liberties, our jobs, our French fries for god sakes. Unfortunately, our only hope is you idiots.

You’ve got one last chance to make things right. Right now it’s the bottom of the ninth, bases are loaded and you’re up. Remember the ’69 Mets? They were losers, underdogs, just like all of you. But out of nowhere they won the World Series. You know why they won? They had heart. You get my point? You don’t? Well let me try and explain it to you in a language you can understand.

Bush Republican. Republican bad. You Democrat. Democrat need pulse and heartbeat to hurt Republican so Republican stop being bad.

You’ve all been acting like the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz for too long, except for you Daschle, you’re like the Scarecrow, and you need a brain.

Bottom line: if you don’t stand up for our rights now and start demanding answers from this administration about Iraq and 9-11, we’re going to cream you. Capisce?

JASON LEOPOLD can be reached at: jasonleopold@hotmail.com

 

JASON LEOPOLD is the former Los Angeles bureau chief of Dow Jones Newswires where he spent two years covering the energy crisis and the Enron bankruptcy. He just finished writing a book about the crisis, due out in December through Rowman & Littlefield. He can be reached at: jasonleopold@hotmail.com

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

Weekend Edition
August 26, 2016
Friday - Sunday
Paul Buhle
In the Shadow of the CIA: Liberalism’s Big Embarrassing Moment
Andrew Levine
How Donald Trump Can Still be a Hero: Force the Guardians of the Duopoly to Open Up the Debates
Rob Urie
Crisis and Opportunity
Louisa Willcox
The Unbearable Killing of Yellowstone’s Grizzlies: 2015 Shatters Records for Bear Deaths
Charles Pierson
Wedding Crashers Who Kill
Richard Moser
What is the Inside/Outside Strategy?
Dirk Bezemer – Michael Hudson
Finance is Not the Economy
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Bernie’s Used Cars
Margaret Kimberley
Hillary and Colin: the War Criminal Charade
Patrick Cockburn
Turkey’s Foray into Syria: a Gamble in a Very Dangerous Game
Ishmael Reed
Birther Tries to Flim Flam Blacks  
Brian Terrell
What Makes a Hate Group?
Howard Lisnoff
Trouble in Political Paradise
Terry Tempest Williams
Will Our National Parks Survive the Next 100 Years?
Ben Debney
The Swimsuit that Overthrew the State
Ashley Smith
Anti-imperialism and the Syrian Revolution
Andrew Stewart
Did Gore Throw the 2000 Election?
Vincent Navarro
Is the Nation State and Its Welfare State Dead? a Critique of Varoufakis
John Wight
Syria’s Kurds and the Wages of Treachery
Lawrence Davidson
The New Anti-Semitism: the Case of Joy Karega
Mateo Pimentel
The Affordable Care Act: A Litmus Test for American Capitalism?
Roger Annis
In Northern Syria, Turkey Opens New Front in its War Against the Kurds
David Swanson
ABC Shifts Blame from US Wars to Doctors Without Borders
Norman Pollack
American Exceptionalism: A Pernicious Doctrine
Ralph Nader
Readers Think, Thinkers Read
Julia Morris
The Mythologies of the Nauruan Refugee Nation
George Wuerthner
Caving to Ranchers: the Misguided Decision to Kill the Profanity Wolf Pack
Ann Garrison
Unworthy Victims: Houthis and Hutus
Julian Vigo
Britain’s Slavery Legacy
John Stanton
Brzezinski Vision for a Power Sharing World Stymied by Ignorant Americans Leaders, Citizens
Philip Doe
Colorado: 300 Days of Sunshine Annually, Yet There’s No Sunny Side of the Street
Joseph White
Homage to EP Thompson
Dan Bacher
The Big Corporate Money Behind Jerry Brown
Kollibri terre Sonnenblume
DNC Playing Dirty Tricks on WikiLeaks
Ron Jacobs
Education for Liberation
Jim Smith
Socialism Revived: In Spite of Bernie, Donald and Hillary
David Macaray
Organized Labor’s Inferiority Complex
David Cortright
Alternatives to Military Intervention in Syria
Binoy Kampmark
The Terrors of Free Speech: Australia’s Racial Discrimination Act
Cesar Chelala
Guantánamo’s Quagmire
Nyla Ali Khan
Hoping Against Hope in Kashmir
William Hughes
From Sam Spade to the Red Scare: Dashiell Hammett’s War Against Rightwing Creeps
Raouf Halaby
Dear Barack Obama, Please Keep it at 3 for 3
Charles R. Larson
Review: Paulina Chiziane’s “The First Wife: a Tale of Polygamy”
David Yearsley
The Widow Bach: Anna Magdalena Rediscovered
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail