FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

A Good Man is Hard to Misfit

by ADAM ENGEL

Used to call me the Misfit cause I couldn’t do nothin’ right–least not in this world. Now they call me “Mr. President,” jest like Paw said they would. My brother Jeb, he said, “Daddy got you a job is all. It jest happens to be a real big ‘un.”

Yeah, I reckon so. But hell. Ain’t like I weren’t civilized and socialized as a young ‘un. I got my schoolin’ done and then my higher learnin’–Yale, Harvard–and you can be sure I raised holy hell a-ruttin’ and a-hollerin’ and a-drinkin’ so hard it’s a wonder I learned me anything a’tall.

But I growed up, some–the hard way. I flied me a plane clear ‘cross Texas durin’ the War ‘gainst the Indian Chinese. Tore into the cold earth for liquid gold–lucre is all; the black blood of Mammon that lubricationizes this sorry vale of tears. Even run me a baseball team. Quit drinkin’ too. A-yup. No thanks to them alchee-holic 2-steppers and their K-Mart religion: meetin’ secretly in dank basements every blessed afternoon a-whinin’ and a-cryin and a-kickin’ and a-screamin’ up every damn one of them god awful 12 steps. No sir. Not me. I answer to a much Higher Power…

I been saved–twicet. I been reborn. I remember the good Rev. Jimmy Swaggert–before he becomed a blubberin’ whoremonger–I remember him preachin’–on nation’l TV he preached–about them atheists and communists at the Harvard Divinity school, or mighta been the Harvard school of Guvment, same thing I reckon, he preached, “When we die, you can go to Harvard. Me, I wanna go to Heaven.” And it damn near brought the house down. Not a house of God directly, more a stadium like. But I felt the good word touch me even through the color TV box.

I got the callin.’ Look in my eyes, you’ll see. I got the callin.’ I see it, I see it all: Fire and Redemption, even for the Jews. Oh yes. Oh yes siree. Why, I got me a whole kitchen full-a Jews. Wolfowitz, aptly named I might say, and Perle, a man even the meanest, low-downest, orneriest killers at the Pentagon calls “the Prince-a Darkness” (and they ain’t far off the mark). Even got me that Ari Fishbaum speakin’ in tongues to the liberal communist Media. Think that was a accident?

Some folks, usually furriners and leftist intersexuals and A-rab terrorists and such, they think I take “orders” from fat ol’ Ariel Sharon. Huh. No more’n he takes “orders” from Pat Robertson, or gives ’em to Jerry Falwell. We’re all in this together. Yer with us or agin’ us, like I been sayin’ all along. Well, least since them World Train Towers got blowed up in New York City–and it weren’t me what called it “Hymie Town,” neither. Ask yer fancy-talkin’ adulterizin’ colored feller ’bout that ‘un.

When the Evil among us is destroyed, when the Rapture comes, them Jew-boys–gathered in Israel every last one of ’em by then; least that’s what’s written in The Book, and I ain’t talkin’ bout no egghead scholar book or the Baseball Encyclopedia neither; I’m talking bout the one true only book that matters–anyways, them Jew-boys’ll see the wickedness of their ways and fall a-weepin’ to the feet of Our Savior and beg His forgiveness and rise to Heaven with the rest of us Believers. And they won’t be ‘restricted’ when they get there. No. They’ll be treated jest as fine as if they was reglar baptized Christians.

There’re good Jews, I tell you. From Ari to Ariel, I only keep company with good Jews, the ones what’ll see the light when it shines upon them. It will–once we gather all the Jews, both good and bad, in the Holy Land, which might take some work, specially flushin’ ’em from cosmiccomican areas like Los Angelees and NYC, but Ariel Sharon and them AIPAC fellers,’ they’re studyin’ on it. They’ll find the way…

Ronnie Reagan, he knew what was comin.’ He saw the Apocalypse and prepared for it with the correct military hardware to put the communists and other evil ones to flame; trouble was, the folks around him, Georgie Schultz, Jeanne Kirkpatrick, James Baker III, Bill Casey, even my own Paw, they was more innerested in hedge-a-money in this life than heaven in the next. Now, I’m sure Ronnie had nothing ‘gainst hedge-a-money if it was gonna help bring on the reign of Heaven, but hedge-a-money for its own sake, for love-a nuthin’ more’n Riches n’ Power in this wicked world…that just don’t figure. Not to Ronnie, not to me.

My Pappy’s a good man, and when The Lord comes, I know Pappy’ll jump like a lamb into His arms; but he saw that hedge-a-money as a good thing in itself, not as a step toward Heaven, and that kinda thinking don’t make no sense to me, no sense a’tall.

Well, that don’t matter no how. There’s work to be done, and we’re a-goin’ do it. We got the firepower and we got the faith. Light all them heathens up like Roman candles, smoke ’em outta their holes, burn ’em, burn ’em all, like The Book says. My Paw told me it was Our Destiny, America’s Destiny, to do the work of the Lord. Well, that’s directly what we’re goin’ do.

Yeah. I know what yer thinkin’. I don’t like it any more than you do. I got nuthin agin’ the Iraqi people, personally. But it’s gotta be done –

“What Fun!”

“Shut up, Donald. Ain’t no enjoyment in this life.”

You’ll have to excuse the impermanence of my assistant, interjectifying like that in the middle of my…obsequy. “Rummy” didn’t mean no harm by it, I reckon. Rudeness is all. Rudeness and ign’rance. You see, Rummy don’t unnerstand that Saddam, like most fellers, Ossama too, would be a GOOD MAN if, if only he had…if only he had someone there to shoot him every day of his life.

ADAM ENGEL lives and writes in NYC. He can be reached at asengel@attglobal.net

 

Adam Engel is editor of bluddlefilth.org. Submit your soul to bluddlefilth@yahoo.com. Human units, both foreign and domestic, are encouraged to send text, video, graphic, and audio art(ifacts), so long as they’re bluddlefilthy and from The Depths.

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

August 31, 2016
NEVE GORDON - NICOLA PERUGINI
Human Shields as Preemptive Legal Defense for Killing Civilians
Jim Kavanagh
Turkey Invades Syria, America Spins The Bottle
Dave Lindorff
Ukraine and the Dumbed-Down New York Times Columnist
Pepe Escobar
Brazil’s Dilma Rousseff, a Woman of Honor, Confronts Senate of Scoundrels
Jeff Mackler
Playing the Lesser Evil Game to the Hilt
Steve Horn
Dakota Access Pipeline Tribal Liaison Formerly Worked For Agency Issuing Permit
Patrick Cockburn
Has Turkey Overplayed Its Hand in Syria?
John Chuckman
Why Hillary is the Perfect Person to Secure Obama’s Legacy
Manuel E. Yepe
The New Cold War Between the US and China
Stephen Cooper
Ending California’s Machinery of Death
Stacy Keltner - Ashley McFarland
Women, Party Politics, and the Power of the Naked Body
Hiroyuki Hamada - Ikuko Isa
A Letter from Takae, Okinawa
Aidan O'Brien
How Did Syria and the Rest Do in the Olympics?
David Swanson
Arms Dealing Is Subject of Hollywood Comedy
Jesse Jackson
The Politics of Bigotry: Trump and the Black Voter
August 30, 2016
Russell Mokhiber
Matt Funiciello and the Giant Sucking Sound Coming Off Lake Champlain
Mike Whitney
Three Cheers for Kaepernick: Is Sitting During the National Anthem an Acceptable Form of Protest?
Alice Bach
Sorrow and Grace in Palestine
Sam Husseini
Why We Should All Remain Seated: the Anti-Muslim Origins of “The Star-Spangled Banner”
Richard Moser
Transformative Movement Culture and the Inside/Outside Strategy: Do We Want to Win the Argument or Build the Movement?
Nozomi Hayase
Pathology, Incorporated: the Facade of American Democracy
David Swanson
Fredric Jameson’s War Machine
Jan Oberg
How Did the West Survive a Much Stronger Soviet Union and Warsaw Pact?
Linda Gunter
The Racism of the Nagasaki and Hiroshima Bombings
Dmitry Kovalevich
In Ukraine: Independence From the People
Omar Kassem
Turkey Breaks Out in Jarablus as Fear and Loathing Grip Europe
George Wuerthner
A Birthday Gift to the National Parks: the Maine Woods National Monument
Logan Glitterbomb
Indigenous Property Rights and the Dakota Access Pipeline
National Lawyers Guild
Solidarity with Standing Rock Sioux Tribe against Dakota Access Pipeline
Paul Messersmith-Glavin
100 in Anarchist Years
August 29, 2016
Eric Draitser
Hillary and the Clinton Foundation: Exemplars of America’s Political Rot
Patrick Timmons
Dildos on Campus, Gun in the Library: the New York Times and the Texas Gun War
Jack Rasmus
Bernie Sanders ‘OR’ Revolution: a Statement or a Question?
Richard Moser
Strategic Choreography and Inside/Outside Organizers
Nigel Clarke
President Obama’s “Now Watch This Drive” Moment
Robert Fisk
Iraq’s Willing Executioners
Wahid Azal
The Banality of Evil and the Ivory Tower Masterminds of the 1953 Coup d’Etat in Iran
Farzana Versey
Romancing the Activist
Frances Madeson
Meet the Geronimos: Apache Leader’s Descendants Talk About Living With the Legacy
Nauman Sadiq
The War on Terror and the Carter Doctrine
Lawrence Wittner
Does the Democratic Party Have a Progressive Platform–and Does It Matter?
Marjorie Cohn
Death to the Death Penalty in California
Winslow Myers
Asking the Right Questions
Rivera Sun
The Sane Candidate: Which Representatives Will End the Endless Wars?
Linn Washington Jr.
Philadelphia District Attorney Hammered for Hypocrisy
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail