The Ann Coulter Test


Dear Ann,

Those snarky coastal leftwingers laugh when you claim you’re in touch with the common man. Here’s a chance for the Saxon Klaxon to make them eat their words! Take this quiz to prove just how down you are with the folks in flyover country. It’s easy and fun, for anyone who’s really spent time scratching out a living! Ivory tower academics may find it challenging. Note: since we’re not NEA members, there are indeed wrong answers on this test.

1) The last time you passed the gasoline filling station to your house, how much were they charging for a gallon of regular?

2) Name a filling station where it’s cheaper.

3) Freelance writing is a lonely, often thankless task. But before you became a successful freelance writer, when you worked in your office at the Center For Individual Rights, you worked with plenty of people. One of them emptied your wastebasket every day. What was his or her name?

4) Extra Credit: What was his or her LAST name?

5) Super Bonus Credit: Describe his or her family in a short sentence.

6) Multiple choice: Katie Couric is:

a) the affable Eva Braun of the morning airwaves b) that nice lady who’s on the Willard Scott program c) who has time to watch TV at that hour? I have to get to work.

7) What is the current federal minimum wage?

8) What does that come out to per two weeks, after taxes, for a single person with no dependents?

9) Within 25 cents, what does a box of name-brand corn flakes cost at the supermarket nearest your house?

10) How much less would the same size box of house brand corn flakes cost?

11) Complete the following song lyric: “I’m gonna love you forever, forever and ever amen; As long as old men sit and talk about the weather; As long as [_________________]”

12) Multiple choice: “Hotdish” is:

a) a casserole, more or less b) something they talk about on that NPR show with the Communist folk music c) what the waiter says at Chez Jean Pierre in Stamford as he brings you your coq au vin. d) Laura Ingraham

13) What does a pink stripe mean on a utility bill?

14) How many months does it take to get one?

15) Imagine the National Review had fired you from a full time, salaried job. How long would your job have to have lasted for you to qualify for unemployment?

16) What’s the maximum length of time after Jonah Goldberg hands you that pink slip in which you could collect unemployment benefits?

17) Multiple choice: to the woman who just refilled your coffee cup, “side work” is:

a) those really hard lat’ stretches at the gym b) silverware and napkins c) moonlighting on cable news show

18) What time does the nearest homeless shelter close its doors each night?

19) You want whole wheat toast or biscuits and gravy with that?

20) Rank the following three stores in descending order of price: K-mart, Target, Walmart

21) Final Bonus Question! Complete the following song lyric: “You look like an angel, walk like an angel, talk like an angel, but I got wise; [___________________]”

CHRIS CLARKE is the editor of Faultline, the online journal about environmental politics in California.

He can be reached at: cclarke@faultline.org


November 26, 2015
Ashley Nicole McCray – Lawrence Ware
Decolonizing the History of Thanksgiving
Joseph Grosso
The Enduring Tragedy: Guatemala’s Bloody Farce
Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz
Imperial Myths: the Enduring Lie of the US’s Origin
Ralph Nader
The Joys of Solitude: a Thanksgiving!

Joseph G. Ramsey
Something to be Thankful For: Struggles, Seeds…and Surprises
Dan Glazebrook
Turkey Shoot: the Rage of the Impotent in Syria
Andrew Stewart
The Odious President Wilson
Colin Todhunter
Corporate Parasites And Economic Plunder: We Need A Genuine Green Revolution
Rajesh Makwana
Ten Billion Reasons to Demand System Change
Joyce Nelson
Turkey Moved the Border!
Richard Baum
Hillary Clinton’s Meager Proposal to Help Holders of Student Debt
Sam Husseini
A Thanksgiving Day Prayer
November 25, 2015
Jeff Taylor
Bob Dylan and Christian Zionism
Dana E. Abizaid
Provoking Russia
Oliver Tickell
Syria’s Cauldron of Fire: a Downed Russian Jet and the Battle of Two Pipelines
Patrick Cockburn
Trigger Happy: Will Turkey’s Downing of Russian Jet Backfire on NATO?
Robert Fisk
The Soothsayers of Eternal War
Russell Mokhiber
The Coming Boycott of Nike
Ted Rall
Like Father Like Son: George W. Bush Was Bad, His Father May Have Been Worse
Matt Peppe
Bad Policy, Bad Ethics: U.S. Military Bases Abroad
Martha Rosenberg
Pfizer Too Big (and Slippery) to Fail
Yorgos Mitralias
Bernie Sanders, Mr. Voutsis and the Truth Commission on Greek Public Debt
Jorge Vilches
Too Big for Fed: Have Central Banks Lost Control?
Sam Husseini
Why Trump is Wrong About Waterboarding — It’s Probably Not What You Think
Binoy Kampmark
The Perils of Certainty: Obama and the Assad Regime
Roger Annis
State of Emergency in Crimea
Soud Sharabani
ISIS in Lebanon: An Interview with Andre Vltchek
Thomas Knapp
NATO: This Deal is a Turkey
November 24, 2015
Dave Lindorff
An Invisible US Hand Leading to War? Turkey’s Downing of a Russian Jet was an Act of Madness
Mike Whitney
Turkey Downs Russian Fighter to Draw NATO and US Deeper into Syrian Quagmire
Walter Clemens
Who Created This Monster?
Patrick Graham
Bombing ISIS Will Not Work
Lida Maxwell
Who Gets to Demand Safety?
Eric Draitser
Refugees as Weapons in a Propaganda War
David Rosen
Trump’s Enemies List: a Trial Balloon for More Repression?
Eric Mann
Playing Politics While the Planet Sizzles
Chris Gilbert
“Why Socialism?” Revisited: Reflections Inspired by Einstein’s Article
Charles Davis
NSA Spies on Venezuela’s Oil Company
Michael Barker
Democracy vs. Political Policing
Barry Lando
Shocked by Trump? Churchill Wanted to “Collar Them All”
Cal Winslow
When Workers Fight: the National Union of Healthcare Workers Wins Battle with Kaiser
Norman Pollack
Where Does It End?: Left Political Correctness
David Macaray
Companies Continue to Profit by Playing Dumb
Binoy Kampmark
Animals in Conflict: Diesel, Dobrynya and Sentimental Security
Dave Welsh
Defiant Haiti: “We Won’t Let You Steal These Elections!”