FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail

Bush as the Energizer Bunny

by Phillipe Dambournet

It all figures now.

Once you realize GWB is really the Energizer Bunny, it explains:

– Why he called his political autobiography ‘A Charge to Keep’
– Why the Republicans saw such potential in him
– Why the Supreme Court thought he had the ‘volts’ in Florida
– How he just ‘volted’ to the presidency
– Why the Democrats were so shocked
– Why he’s now so polarizing
– Why he’s so close to the ‘energy bidness’
– Why he approves of the electric chair
– Why so many people think he’s a sot with battery

– Why he’s always so upbeat
– Why his middle name is Walker
– Why his last name is Bush
– Why he’s always running for office
– Why he enjoys sports where people run as fast as they can
– How he can outrun everybody on the jogging trail

– Why he’s so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed
– Why his parents had so many children
– Why the tip of his nose wiggles when he speaks
– Why his ears keep sticking out
– Why he keeps watching replays of Starsky and Hutch
– Why he choked on a pretzel
– Why he never drinks alcohol
– Why he had to bring his own chef from Austin
– Why his daughters are so attracted to anything with hops in it
– Why he zigzags when he’s spooked, as on 9-11
– Why he always tries dangling carrots in front of potential opponents
– Why he clearly prefers rural habitats

– Why he’s such a lightweight
– Why he fluffs most of what he does
– Why he hangs out as much as he can around small children
– Why he has to nap in the afternoon
– Why he can’t stay up late at night
– Why he cannot dance
– Why it’s so easy to get him hopping mad
– Why he can’t count
– Why he’s dyslexic
– Why he mispronounces everything
– Why he begins so many sentences with ‘Lettuce…’
– Why he thinks he can speak ‘Spinach’

– Why he’s had so many jobs that involved drilling holes
– Why he’s run a string of companies into the ground
– Why Dick Cheney disappeared down a hole never to reappear
– Why he’s reactivating every single underground government facility
– Why the Budget and Social Security are now full of holes
– Why he’s in the dark about so many subjects and wants to keep us there, too
– Why he’s so feverishly trying to bury his mistakes
– Why his worst enemy spends most of his time underground

– Why he’s never traveled in a Greyhound
– Why his closest European ally is from the country of fox-hunting
– Why Vincente Fox keeps chasing after him
– Why he believes everything in the Warren Report
– Why he’s so close to the Rabbit Right

– Why he has such an affinity for greenbacks
– Why he ran into trouble in the Iowa straw polls
– Why he carried all the rural states
– Why the rich are now living their salad years
– How the Green Party actually helped him get elected
– Why he’s so big on ‘Lawn order’
– Why he’s always meeting his guests in the Rose Garden
– Why he’s so gung-ho on ‘Star Warrens’
– Why he keeps defiling the White House

– Why he doesn’t understand the ‘Middle Yeast’
– Why Muslims and Jews won’t touch him
– Why he’s uncomfortable with the Chinese
– Why he’ll never, ever, travel to France

– Why he refuses to believe in Evolution
– Why his policies are completely harebrained
– Why he is dead against any form of cloning

– Why, finally, he sincerely believes we can all eat shit.

Phillipe Dambournet can be reached at pdambournet@mac.com

More articles by:

CounterPunch Magazine

minimag-edit

bernie-the-sandernistas-cover-344x550

zen economics

Weekend Edition
December 09, 2016
Friday - Sunday
Jeffrey St. Clair
Roaming Charges: Nasty As They Wanna Be
Henry Giroux
Trump’s Second Gilded Age: Overcoming the Rule of Billionaires and Militarists
Andrew Levine
Trump’s Chumps: Victims of the Old Bait and Switch
Chris Welzenbach
The Forgotten Sneak Attack
Lewis Lapham
Hostile Takeover
Joshua Frank
This Week at CounterPunch: More Hollow Smears and Baseless Accusations
Paul Street
The Democrats Do Their Job, Again
Vijay Prashad
The Cuban Revolution: Defying Imperialism From Its Backyard
Michael Hudson - Sharmini Peries
Orwellian Economics
Erin McCarley
American Nazis and the Fight for US History
Mark Ames
The Anonymous Blacklist Promoted by the Washington Post Has Apparent Ties to Ukrainian Fascism and CIA Spying
Yoav Litvin
Resist or Conform: Lessons in Fortitude and Weakness From the Israeli Left
Conn Hallinan
India & Pakistan: the Unthinkable
Andrew Smolski
Third Coast Pillory: Nativism on the Left – A Realer Smith
Joshua Sperber
Trump in the Age of Identity Politics
Brandy Baker
Jill Stein Sees Russia From Her House
Katheryne Schulz
Report from Santiago de Cuba: Celebrating Fidel’s Rebellious Life
Nelson Valdes
Fidel and the Good People
Norman Solomon
McCarthy’s Smiling Ghost: Democrats Point the Finger at Russia
Renee Parsons
The Snowflake Nation and Trump on Immigration
Margaret Kimberley
Black Fear of Trump
Michael J. Sainato
A Pruitt Running Through It: Trump Kills Nearly Useless EPA With Nomination of Oil Industry Hack
Ron Jacobs
Surviving Hate and Death—The AIDS Crisis in 1980s USA
David Swanson
Virginia’s Constitution Needs Improving
Louis Proyect
Narcos and the Story of Colombia’s Unhappiness
Paul Atwood
War Has Been, is, and Will be the American Way of Life…Unless?
John Wight
Syria and the Bodyguard of Lies
Richard Hardigan
Anti-Semitism Awareness Act: Senate Bill Criminalizes Criticism of Israel
Kathy Kelly
See How We Live
David Macaray
Trump Picks his Secretary of Labor. Ho-Hum.
Howard Lisnoff
Interview with a Political Organizer
Yves Engler
BDS and Anti-Semitism
Adam Parsons
Home Truths About the Climate Emergency
Brian Cloughley
The Decline and Fall of Britain
Eamonn Fingleton
U.S. China Policy: Is Obama Schizoid?
Graham Peebles
Worldwide Air Pollution is Making us Ill
Joseph Natoli
Fake News is Subjective?
Andre Vltchek
Tough-Talking Philippine President Duterte
Binoy Kampmark
Total Surveillance: Snooping in the United Kingdom
Guillermo R. Gil
Vivirse la película: Willful Opposition to the Fiscal Control Board in Puerto Rico
Patrick Bond
South Africa’s Junk Credit Rating was Avoided, But at the Cost of Junk Analysis
Clancy Sigal
Investigate the Protesters! A Trial Balloon Filled With Poison Gas
Pierre Labossiere – Margaret Prescod
Human Rights and Alternative Media Delegation Report on Haiti’s Elections
Charles R. Larson
Review:  Helon Habila’s The Chibok Girls: the Boko Haram Kidnappings and Islamist Militancy in Nigeria
David Yearsley
Brahms and the Tears of Britain’s Oppressed
FacebookTwitterGoogle+RedditEmail