Bush as the Energizer Bunny

by Phillipe Dambournet

It all figures now.

Once you realize GWB is really the Energizer Bunny, it explains:

– Why he called his political autobiography ‘A Charge to Keep’
– Why the Republicans saw such potential in him
– Why the Supreme Court thought he had the ‘volts’ in Florida
– How he just ‘volted’ to the presidency
– Why the Democrats were so shocked
– Why he’s now so polarizing
– Why he’s so close to the ‘energy bidness’
– Why he approves of the electric chair
– Why so many people think he’s a sot with battery

– Why he’s always so upbeat
– Why his middle name is Walker
– Why his last name is Bush
– Why he’s always running for office
– Why he enjoys sports where people run as fast as they can
– How he can outrun everybody on the jogging trail

– Why he’s so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed
– Why his parents had so many children
– Why the tip of his nose wiggles when he speaks
– Why his ears keep sticking out
– Why he keeps watching replays of Starsky and Hutch
– Why he choked on a pretzel
– Why he never drinks alcohol
– Why he had to bring his own chef from Austin
– Why his daughters are so attracted to anything with hops in it
– Why he zigzags when he’s spooked, as on 9-11
– Why he always tries dangling carrots in front of potential opponents
– Why he clearly prefers rural habitats

– Why he’s such a lightweight
– Why he fluffs most of what he does
– Why he hangs out as much as he can around small children
– Why he has to nap in the afternoon
– Why he can’t stay up late at night
– Why he cannot dance
– Why it’s so easy to get him hopping mad
– Why he can’t count
– Why he’s dyslexic
– Why he mispronounces everything
– Why he begins so many sentences with ‘Lettuce…’
– Why he thinks he can speak ‘Spinach’

– Why he’s had so many jobs that involved drilling holes
– Why he’s run a string of companies into the ground
– Why Dick Cheney disappeared down a hole never to reappear
– Why he’s reactivating every single underground government facility
– Why the Budget and Social Security are now full of holes
– Why he’s in the dark about so many subjects and wants to keep us there, too
– Why he’s so feverishly trying to bury his mistakes
– Why his worst enemy spends most of his time underground

– Why he’s never traveled in a Greyhound
– Why his closest European ally is from the country of fox-hunting
– Why Vincente Fox keeps chasing after him
– Why he believes everything in the Warren Report
– Why he’s so close to the Rabbit Right

– Why he has such an affinity for greenbacks
– Why he ran into trouble in the Iowa straw polls
– Why he carried all the rural states
– Why the rich are now living their salad years
– How the Green Party actually helped him get elected
– Why he’s so big on ‘Lawn order’
– Why he’s always meeting his guests in the Rose Garden
– Why he’s so gung-ho on ‘Star Warrens’
– Why he keeps defiling the White House

– Why he doesn’t understand the ‘Middle Yeast’
– Why Muslims and Jews won’t touch him
– Why he’s uncomfortable with the Chinese
– Why he’ll never, ever, travel to France

– Why he refuses to believe in Evolution
– Why his policies are completely harebrained
– Why he is dead against any form of cloning

– Why, finally, he sincerely believes we can all eat shit.

Phillipe Dambournet can be reached at pdambournet@mac.com

Weekend Edition
October 9-11, 2015
David Price – Roberto J. González
The Use and Abuse of Culture (and Children): The Human Terrain System’s Rationalization of Pedophilia in Afghanistan
Mike Whitney
Putin’s “Endgame” in Syria
Jason Hribal
The Tilikum Effect and the Downfall of SeaWorld
Paul Street
Hope in Abandonment: Cuba, Detroit, and Earth-Scientific Socialism
Gary Leupp
The Six Most Disastrous Interventions of the 21st Century
Andrew Levine
In Syria, Obama is Playing a Losing Game
Louis Proyect
The End of Academic Freedom in America: the Case of Steven Salaita
Rob Urie
Democrats, Neoliberalism and the TPP
Ismael Hossein-Zadeh
The Bully Recalibrates: U.S. Signals Policy Shift in Syria
Brian Cloughley
Hospital Slaughter and the US/NATO Propaganda Machine
John Walsh
For Vietnam: Artemisinin From China, Agent Orange From America
John Wight
No Moral High Ground for the West on Syria
Robert Fantina
Canadian Universities vs. Israeli Apartheid
Conn Hallinan
Portugal: Europe’s Left Batting 1000
John Feffer
Mouths Wide Shut: Obama’s War on Whistleblowers
Paul Craig Roberts
The Impulsiveness of US Power
Ron Jacobs
The Murderer as American Hero
Alex Nunns
“A Movement Looking for a Home”: the Meaning of Jeremy Corbyn
Philippe Marlière
Class Struggle at Air France
Binoy Kampmark
Waiting in Vain for Moderation: Syria, Russia and Washington’s Problem
Paul Edwards
Empire of Disaster
Xanthe Hall
Nuclear Madness: NATO’s WMD ‘Sharing’ Must End
Margaret Knapke
These Salvadoran Women Went to Prison for Suffering Miscarriages
Uri Avnery
Abbas: the Leader Without Glory
Halima Hatimy
#BlackLivesMatter: Black Liberation or Black Liberal Distraction?
Michael Brenner
Kissinger Revisited
Cesar Chelala
The Perverse Rise of Killer Robots
Halyna Mokrushyna
On Ukraine’s ‘Incorrect’ Past
Jason Cone
Even Wars Have Rules: a Fact Sheet on the Bombing of Kunduz Hospital
Walter Brasch
Mass Murders are Good for Business
William Hadfield
Sophistry Rising: the Refugee Debate in Germany
Christopher Brauchli
Why the NRA Profits From Mass Shootings
Hadi Kobaysi
How The US Uses (Takfiri) Extremists
Pete Dolack
There is Still Time to Defeat the Trans-Pacific Partnership
Marc Norton
The Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution
Andre Vltchek
Stop Millions of Western Immigrants!
David Rosen
If Donald Dump Was President
Dave Lindorff
America’s Latest War Crime
Ann Garrison
Sankarist Spirit Resurges in Burkina Faso
Franklin Lamb
Official Investigation Needed After Afghan Hospital Bombing
Linn Washington Jr.
Wrongs In Wine-Land
Ronald Bleier
Am I Drinking Enough Water? Sneezing’s A Clue
Charles R. Larson
Prelude to the Spanish Civil War: Eduard Mendoza’s “An Englishman in Madrid”
David Yearsley
Papal Pop and Circumstance
October 08, 2015
Michael Horton
Why is the US Aiding and Enabling Saudi Arabia’s Genocidal War in Yemen?