Bring Me the Head of Nostradamus

by David Vest

I never know when the phone will ring and it’ll be my old friend, Leon Despair, calling from who knows where. just when I least expect it. This time the phone rang at 2:30 a.m. He had some questions for me, and they couldn’t wait till morning. Leon can never wait for anything. He’s not the kind of guy you want to put on hold, either. Do that and he’ll come to your house.

Here’s what he wanted to know:

How come the FBI don’t pick up this Nostradamus guy? Or Notre Dame-us or whatever they call him. He’s all over the Internet, like weevils in grits. You can’t open your goddamn e-mail without reading one of his crazy poems. You’d think he was Shakespeare or Ed McMahon or something.

He’s got a helluva organization, lotta people pimping for him. See, you don’t never get the message direct from him. You always get it from somebody in between you and him. I’m talking slick.

He’s got people working for him, they never even seen the guy. I got two e-mails yesterday from pals of mine. What do you think they were doing? Passing on this guy’s crap, like they was on the payroll. What’s up with that?

Unwittin’ accomplices, that’s what I’m talking about. This guy don’t need television. He’s got half the country running his goddamn errands.

You get mail from somebody, they don’t even ask you how ya doin’. It’s just “you gotta read this!” Half the time it’s been forwarded from 200 people. You think you gonna track this guy down? Forget about it!

He keeps on predicting disasters, one right after the other. What the hell? What does this bum know, and when did he know it? That’s the thing.

If you want my opinion, it’s high time they brought him in for questioning.

They oughtta use a sap on him, if need be. Uncover his sources. See what I’m saying?

“You got something to say, say it right now. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to make a prediction of my own, Mr. Wise Guy. And you ain’t gonna like it.”

That’s how you gotta handle these bums. Let ’em know you mean business.

Apparently Leon had said his piece, because the line went dead. I went to the kitchen for a glass of milk, knowing Leon Despair had probably dropped straight to sleep the minute he hung up the phone.

David Vest is a writer, poet and piano player for the Cannonballs. A native of Alabama, he now lives in Portland, Oregon. Visit his webpage for samples of the Cannonballs’ brand of take no prisoners rock & roll and other Vest columns: http://www.mindspring.com/~dcqv

Like What You’ve Read? Support CounterPunch
Weekend Edition
July 31-33, 2015
Roberto J. González – David Price
Remaking the Human Terrain: The US Military’s Continuing Quest to Commandeer Culture
Jeffrey St. Clair
Bernie and the Sandernistas
John Pilger
Julian Assange: the Untold Story of an Epic Struggle for Justice
Lawrence Ware
Bernie Sanders’ Race Problem
Will Parrish
The Politics of California’s Water System
Andrew Levine
The Logic of Illlogic: Narrow Self-Interest Keeps Israel’s “Existential Threats” Alive
ANDRE VLTCHEK
Kos, Bodrum, Desperate Refugees and a Dying Child
Paul Street
“That’s Politics”: the Sandernistas on the Masters’ Schedule
Ellen Brown
The Greek Coup: Liquidity as a Weapon of Coercion
Sam Husseini
How #AllLivesMatter and #BlackLivesMatter Can Devalue Life
Stephen Lendman
Russia Challenges America’s Orwellian NED
Jeffrey Blankfort
Leading Bibi’s Army in the War for Washington
Geoffrey McDonald
Obama’s Overtime Tweak: What is the Fair Price of a Missed Life?
Brian Cloughley
Hypocrisy, Obama-Style
Robert Fantina
Israeli Missteps Take a Toll
Pete Dolack
Speculators Circling Puerto Rico Latest Mode of Colonialism
Paul Buhle
The Leftwing Seventies?
David Swanson
Vietnam, Fifty Years After Defeating the US
David Rosen
Hillary Clinton: Learn From Your Sisters
Shepherd Bliss
Why I Support Bernie Sanders for President
Howard Lisnoff
The Wrong Argument
Louis Proyect
Manufacturing Denial
Robert Hunziker
Human-Made Evolution
Colin Todhunter
GMOs: Where Does Science Begin and Lobbying End?
Masturah Alatas
Six Critics in Search of an Author
Mary Lou Singleton
Gender, Patriarchy, and All That Jazz
Ron Jacobs
Black Literature and the FB Eye Blues
Charles Larson
Tango Bends Its Gender” Carolina De Robertis’s “The Gods of Tango”
July 30, 2015
Bill Blunden
The NSA’s 9/11 Cover-Up: General Hayden Told a Lie, and It’s a Whopper
Richard Ward
Sandra Bland, Rebel
Jeffrey St. Clair
How One Safari Nut, the CIA and Neoliberal Environmentalists Plotted to Destroy Mozambique
Martha Rosenberg
Tracking the Lion Killers Back to the Old Oval Office
Binoy Kampmark
Dead Again: the Latest Demise of Mullah Omar
Kathy Kelly – Buddy Bell
No Warlords Need Apply: a Call for Credible Peacemaking in Afghanistan
Ramzy Baroud
Darker Horizons Ahead: Rethinking the War on ‘IS’
Stephen Lendman
The Show Trial of Saif Qaddafi: a Manufactured Death Sentence
John Grant
The United States of Absurdity, Circa 2015
Karl Grossman
The Case of John Peter Zenger and the Fight for a Free Press
Cesar Chelala
Cultural Treasures Are Also Victims of War
Jeff Taylor
Iowa Conference on Presidential Politics
July 29, 2015
Mike Whitney
The Politics of Betrayal: Obama Backstabs Kurds to Appease Turkey
Joshua Frank
The Wheels Fell Off the Bernie Sanders Bandwagon
Conn Hallinan
Ukraine: Close to the Edge
Stephen Lendman
What Happened to Ralkina Jones? Another Jail Cell Death
Rob Wallace
Neoliberal Ebola: the Agroeconomic Origins of the Ebola Outbreak